OH SHIT NIGGA. You are lady Firemane. Of the (formerly) noble house of Fireborn! You were once the greatest wagon racer this side of the kingdom. Sadly due to shenanigans, you lost everything and went into debt with the Adventurer's Guild in order to survive. But then you found the Inexperienced Hero, Ezekiel "Kid" Rutebega ! You took him under your wing to mold him into the hero he's always meant to be: your devoted apprentice (probably)

Ezekiel's older brother has started his campaign of destruction, he leads his hordes of undead barbarians to ravage the lands. As members of the guild, your party has went on the quest chain to stop said undead barbarian horde.

One of the Barbarian Chieftess of said horde set up a trap for you and your compatriots! She was about to wreck you at the end of last thread but The Hero jumped in just in time! Now Ezekiel's engaged in combat with her!

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>6271856 (OP)
GIT'IM KID

BEAT THE BITCH

BEAT HER SO HARD THE QM HAS TO ADD RYONA TO THE QUEST TAFS

Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>6271856 (OP)
Kid!don't get distracted by her sexy frame! Those mouth watering breasts! Those chiseled fem ads, DAT BOOTY!

>>6271860
"GOT IT, MISS FIREMANE! I WON'T GET DISTRACTED!"

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>6271867
Well, of course he wouldn't. Firemane has a FAR better body than that barbarian hussy.

BEAT HER UP!

>>6271869
He uses one of the Fire Knight moves you taught him! FLAMING PUNCH!

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>6271871
Quick, where's the character whose sole purpose is to narrate everything that's happening in the fight while overreacting extremely loudly?

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>6271871
Can he resist her NTR shorta proposal attack?

>>6271879
oh no

>>6271879
"You're strong, boy. Why don't you join up with a REAL warrior?"

Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>6271889
QUICKLY FIREMANE THINK OF SOMETHING

YOU CAN'T LET YOURSELF GET KEKED

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>6271889
Boy thinks about being a bad boy barbarian, then realizes they don't have Gunpla they have stupid rocks!

Fuck that! FIRERY SHORYUKEN!

>>6271892

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>6271900
Time for Firemane to deal the finishing blow and show that bitch what happens to any woman who tries to steal her man

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>6271900
>>6271903
>>6271900
This and fist of God and double wizard are watching, they might have a crush on the barbarian woman...
(Just a b side plot that could end our favor)

>>6271903
Alright Firemane, Kid softened her up enough. Probably. Time for you to charge in and finish her off! By...
A. A really big punch
B. A really big fire ball
C. A really big explosion
D. Hitting her with your wagon
E. [Insert your choice here]

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>6271915
E. Hit her with all of the above

>>6271915
The female's best weapon...
>E. THE FIRE SLAP

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>6271918

>>6271920
CRANKING UP THE FIRE SLAP

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>6271932
S L A P
L
A
P

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>6271932
Biiiiiich!

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>6271936
>>6271933
COULD IT BE?

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>6271945
Possibly.

>>6271948
Really anon. Fumbling a 20 out of 100

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>6271952
Hey, I'm not the only roller here.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>6271953
Anon rolls "worst dice ever", asked to leave thread

Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>6271952
Sorry I was working >>6271945
>>6271952
Plez forgibb

>>6271955
>>6271954
>>6271953
>1

Let's all shame anon and his terrible dice rolling

>>6271957

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>6271957
MR QM SEND HIM TO HELL,

WHERE HIS UNHOLY TORMENT MAY BE A TESTAMENT TO HIS WRETCHED LIFE AND WICKED WAYS. HIS SKIN FLAYED AND VISCERA SCATTERED ABOUT. WHERE HE WILL WEEP AND CRY BUT IT WILL ONLY BOLSTER THE RESOLVE OF HIS TORMENTORS. FOR THEY HATE HIM. HE WILL KNOW WHAT TRUE FEAR AND PAIN IS. BUT IT WILL BE NO SOLACE FOR THERE WILL BE NO END AND NO ESCAPE. HIS ETERNITY WILL BE SOURED WITH AN ANGUISH ONE COULD NEVER IMAGINE. HIS SKIN WILL CRACK LIKE DESERT SOIL, AND HIS VEINS WILL BLEED LIKE THE TIGRIS AND EUPHRATES, BUT NEVER ENOUGH TO QUENCH THE THIRST OF HIS ABUSERS. HELL IS NOW AS HELL WILL ALWAYS BE, HAS ALWAYS BEEN. BUT THE FEAR INTO HIS EYES, HIS SCENT AND HIS RESOLVES WILL BE A NEW HEAVEN TO ME.

>>6271960

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>6271965
>>6271957
I swear I am not a witch!

>>6271966

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>6271974
Throw him into the river and see if he sinks or floats

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>6271974
Enough distraction. Rewind back to the slap.

>>6271978
Wells that's a fair cop

>>6271978

Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>6271989
Can we get back to Firemane having successfully slapped Barbarian lady into the ground and as a result is giving Ezekiel sloppy toppy as thanks for helping her

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>6271989
Im happy

>>6271992

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>6271996
Well?

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>6271996
Cmon man.

>>6271997
Whaddayamean, "well", it was you specifically that fumbled the slappa, anon

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>6272006
Okay we'll have to check him later. Re aim efforts at the barbarian lady.

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>6272011
Quick! Re-slap her!

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>6272017
Controller was disconnected so we are getting our reroll!

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>6272017
> implying a 360 motion is lolwut worthy.

Hit her with the lolwut

>>6272018
you fucking imbecile

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>6272020
What he goes with the higher roll? Yo got the higher roll.

>>6272019
For making her slap Ezekiel, Firemane hits the Barbarian Chieftess with the Raging Sto--I mean. Raging Fire

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>6272028
Now what about that witch op? I think you got something there !

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>6272029
Quick anon! Roll to see if you float or sink!

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>6272032
Glubn glubn booooop?

>>6272021
apologies fellow anon I appear to have lashed out in misunderstanding. I just expected another one of OP's tricks.

>>6272037
Even when he has tricks it's all in good fun. Let the joke ride and you'll be back on track faster than forcing it back on track.

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>6272032
What if the hat is a distraction and they already flew away.

>>6272033
Anon is not a witch! Huzzah!

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>6272043
Witch gets to go to heaven, but on his way he gets hit by the wagon! Fuck me!

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>6272043
wait don't witches melt in water or something

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>6272045
As anon is hit by the big wagon in the sky, OP realizes it be 3 AM so imma sleep. Bread continues 2morrow

But before I go, roll against my dice to see if Firemane managed to KO the Barbarian Chieftess with that super

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>6272051
Ok

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>6272051
Sure

>>6272052
KO!

now i slep. updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin

>>6272055
Aaand her breasts are bigger again. I'm pretty sure her jacket is gonna burst soon at this rate of growth.

>>6272056
Her assets increase with each victory against those that try to kidnap her shota.

>>6272060
Ezekiel doesn't look shota. He just has that shonen hero youthfulness.

>>6272063
Depends which shonen and depends who the end game is, right now he shota

>>6272072
No, no, there's a distinct difference. Right now, Ezekiel looks like he could be anywhere from 16 to 20. Shotas look younger than that.

>>6272074
Hmmm I dunno, watching him play Gunpla makes him look like a 12-14 and those are generally the shonen ages.

>>6272080
Maybe you could say he's a bit too childish, but he definitely doesn't *look* that young.

>>6272082
If it only comes down to looks then I'll concede.

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>6275077
Back to Firemane and her jacket that looks like it'll burst any moment now.

>>6275081
In related news. Jacket Knight. The Knight that sells jackets. Is seeing a huge surge in sales. Firemane is the best advert for how sturdy his jackets are.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>6275085
Jacket knight, do you know of a knight who sells jeans? The party could use a nice pare of jeans.

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>6275085
Well, that growth is mysterious, so either she's stealing boob energy from the women she beats or XP is stored in the chest.

>>6275088

Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>6275092
Anyway, what were we doing again? Something about a race that turned out to be an ambush?

>>6275093
Ah yes. Of course. You beat the barbarians' ambush and KO'd the chieftess! With minimal help from Ezekiel! Probably!

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>6275098
So I guess the mission is over. Too bad it wasn't an actual race.

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>6275098
Actually, how is Ezekiel doing? We slapped him with all our fiery might, didn't we?

>>6275103

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>6275105
...So what now?

>>6275106
"Return to the guild to take on more quests in an effort to stop my evil brother?"

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>6275113
Sure, seems like a good idea. What do we do with the barbarian lady though? Last time we captured her she just broke free.

>>6275114
"Technically we didn't really captured her the last time. We blew up the barbarian gathering and just assumed everyone was dead"

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>6275116
Nuh uh, we even had her bound-up in some magic bondage thing.

>>6275121
"Well you could argue that's because the battle wasn't exactly over by then yet"

"Yeah, she still had enough juice in the tank"

Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>6275126
Fine, but what are we going to do with her then? Does the Guild take prisoners?

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>6275116
is she dead? does she need breast to breast resuscitation>>6275126

>>6275127
"Yeah probably best to let the guild deal with it. Saves us the hassle"

And saves OP the hassle of actually drawing a new image, wa-hey

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>6275138
wasnt there another party member with us?

>>6275140
Of course! It's Fist of God! He was just standing offscreen to save on budget

>>6275142
oh did you guys not get that Check for all of china's tea? budget should have increased.

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>6275145
>>6275142
forgot to roll you allowance

>>6275146

>>6275148
must have been the mind goblin

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>6275150
>>6275148
mind goblin deez nutz

>>6275151

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>6275152
the wizard did it

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>6275152
Okay, back to the guild. Someone's gotta keep the plot going.

>>6275154
The Guild Manager warmly welcomes you back. To his desk of pending quests.

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>6275157
We blew up a bunch of barbarians and captured some lady with tits bigger than your desk, what's our reward?

Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>6275157
are we at end game yet? kinda wanna play dudes and xenos

>>6275159
"Dudes n Xenos doesn't exis---I mean, uh, dunno what you're talking about. But here are some quests you can take on"

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>6275174
ok whats the sidequest

>>6275176
"No mere sidequests. Each one is extremely critical to the war effort. Pick one and the others will be given to the rest of the guild. What we need done is..."

A. Mount an assault on the Undead Barbarians' Bigass Fort That Shoot Laser Beams At People
B. Stop the ritual to open a portal to the demon realm
C. Slay a Titan

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>6275190
slay a titan sounds kinda cool

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>6275190
Slay a Titan, we've had enough of mook-destroying missions. Also Kid needs to score a big-ass monster kill to become a real hero or something.

We should probably have our traditional "between quest" intermission first, though.

>>6275194
>>6275197
I'll let you muse on it until the next sesh. Since it's uh, 4 AM, and I gotta go serve my communist overlords in the morning. toodles

updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>6275190
I'm with the gang. I'm sure our party is more than capable of felling a titan!

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>6277121
The mystery box

>>6277122
What box

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>6277124
THE BOX
THE BOX OF MYSTERIES

>>6277130
Yeah but that isn't a Mystery Box. It's a Mystery...Bread

Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>6277133
And what's inside the mystery bread?

>>6277139
Only the most noble of quests

Giving OP your money

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>6277144
Okay, then I guess we'll just have to kill the titan.

>>6277145

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>6277148
Okay, we choose the titan. But first...

INTERMISION TIME

>>6277150

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>6277154
We haven't gone to the shops in a long time. Let's do that.

>>6277157
Alone or with someone?

>>6277163
The hero-kun is busy playing MTG with double wizard... And Fist of God think he is playing, use him as a pack mule

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>6277166
>>6277166
>>6277154
>>6277163

>>6277166
im pretty sure thats just uno

>>6277168
Damn Mexicans renaming Magic the Gathering!

>>6277169

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>6277172
Hey Jose where can we find weapons of mass titan destruction

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>6277172
Muy Malo! Aye aye aye aye! Back to the SOMBRERO UFO!

>>6277177
He takes a step to the side, his sombrero no longer blocking your vision

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>6277192
Meh gustah hombre! Buy some tacos and weapons.

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>6277192
hell yeah

time for WEAPONS

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>6277192
Oh look it's Día de Muertos

>>6277194
"Welcome. Looking for oversized weapons for all your overcompensating needs--I mean giant slaying needs?"

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>6277200
>overcompensating
You need some glasses, because the last person who needs overcompensating is Firemane. Look at her ASSETS.

>>6277206
"I don't believe in glasses"

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>6277200
Fist of God could use some large mech ams for a Mecha god attachment that can double as rocket pack.
Firemane can use fire swordchucks.
Double wizard could use three large orbs.

And the kid can have some stick.

>>6277206
We need a heavy back weapon to compensate for the front weight

Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>6277212
>>6277211

>>6277213
Oh .... Fire wings made of sword? that doubles as a stylish weighted cape?

Whatever the weapons may be...I gotta uh, go lie down. Mah head hurts suddenly. Bread continues when i wake up

updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin

>>6277218
What would be so friggin kewl!