YOU are SPIGOT and you are BORED.
It's Friday and there's still some sunlight to burn.

What will you do today?

>a)ASSEMBLE THE TEAM:
>[1]Start with your pal PANTS
>[2]Or your old chum DEUCE
>[3]Maybe ATANDT?
>[4]Or your main man R-wait who...?

>b)STAY HOME and PLEASURE YOUR DONG

>>6276662 (OP)
>[2]Or your old chum DEUCE

>>6276662 (OP)
>[2]Or your old chum DEUCE

>>6276670
>>6276677
The tried and true method: digital harassment
Your old pal DEUCE would never let you down (he just loves playing coy)

WHERE TO NEXT?

>PANTS
>ATANDT
>NET
>Ra-no, fuck... it's on the tip of your tongue... it's definitively an R-word...

>>6276706
>NET

>>6276787
...
Yeah this guy's AFK, his loss, he might just have a fucky schedule, or living in an inferior timezone (As we all know God is fond of the KJV and the PST)

ALRIGHT enough stalling

>PANTS you COCKSUCKER
>maybe ATANDT is online?
>Check Inventory

>>6276830
>Check Inventory

>>6276979
It seems that you BUG-OUT BAG is severely lacking in terms of both quality and items, but it'll have to do for the time being.

Now if you only had a lighter and some dope...

>Look for a GAS STATION
>PANTS probably has good dope...
>T HEY SPIGOT! [Write in]

>>6277090
>PANTS probably has good dope...

>>6277119
What this PHILISTINE is unable to grasp with his tiny little mind is that a well aged bong is able to provide a wide array of exotic and refined tastes to your throat and lungs, enhancing the brain expansion and soul expression that follows; old red shamans were aware of this effect on the body and the psyche, have you ever seen one of those unwashed spirit gurus ""clean"" their bongs or pipes or what have you? didn't think so. Are you going to let Deuce contradict centuries of ancient wisdom and tradition?

But some snacks couldn't hurt... the munchies hit harder at this time of day, and the weather... ugh

Also hi pants!!! :DDD

>FINE Let's go to the gas station
>FUCK OFF we'll do this HERE and NOW

>>6277223
>FUCK OFF we'll do this HERE and NOW

>>6277223
>FINE Let's go to the gas station
This is probably the biggest party we can get at the moment we can crawl through the gas station

>>6277223
>FINE Let's go to the gas station

>>6277496
>>6277488
Welcome to ARCO AM-PM Mini-Market-

Well here you are, as the last rays of sunshine slowly fade outside the cold white glow of fluorescent hell washes over the the sorry band of dicklickers you call your friends.

As Deuce leaves to scrounge for the Zig-zag 1 1/4s (made with natural flax plant fibers), you notice the bathroom's open, you could... sneak inside and hit the bong, and it would stay between you and God.

>IT BECKONS... Hit dat gawddamn thang
>SNAP OUT OF IT, just look for the snacks, useless fucking junkie
>T HEY SPIGOT [Write in]

>>6277519
>IT BECKONS

>>6277519
>IT BECKONS

>>6277628
>>6277630
In and out, 5 minutes tops, the pair's too busy sifting through the ridiculous amounts of knockoffs and off-brands lining the shelves. You can rinse off the weed smell with water from the sink, the round shades designed to perfectly conceal the redness and the pupil dilation, it's all p-

Huh???

She wasn't there before? where the fuck did she come from??
There is a WOMAN blocking your way to the bathroom, she's just standing there, like a fucking watchdog, it's catastrophic!

Time is RUNNING OUT and you might be forced to ACKNOWLEDGE her EXISTENCE, or even worse, ENGAGE in NORMAL CASUAL CONVERSATION.

No dong jokes or references to drug paraphernalia or obscure factoids from the Daily Rotten or shitty fads from under-moderated internet forums.

Shit, shitshitshitshitSHIT.

>GO BACK FOR THE SNACKS (Retreat! Retreat!)
>PRETEND YOU'RE BLIND (You already have the glasses, you could pull it off)
>JUST POWER THROUGH AND SQUEEZE IN THROUGH THE SIDE
>ASK HER TO MOVE OUT OF THE WAY
>T SPIGOT HEY FAGGOT! [Write in]

>>6277856
>PRETEND YOU'RE BLIND (You already have the glasses, you could pull it off)

>>6277856
>PRETEND YOU'RE BLIND (You already have the glasses, you could pull it off)
And grope her if you can.

>>6277856
>PRETEND YOU'RE BLIND (You already have the glasses, you could pull it off)

>>6277979
>>6277973
>>6277963

Oh okay NOW EVERYONE is a good samaritan; the ONE time you need harsh, cold indifference, fear and loathing and they manage to FUCK that up, the EASIEST job in the WORLD, you've been doing it for five decades now, approaching six (or maybe seven, eight?)

Now she's gonna question you and might even call security if she figures out the ruse, you can see Deuce's stupid fucking mask jutting out of the rows beside you and might even be within earshot now, it's fucked, it's all fucked.

>DO A 180 AND WALK AWAY (and look for somewhere to hide)
>OKAY GOD I GET THE MESSAGE I'll wait for the stupid rolling paper
>SALVAGE THE ACT (three 1d2s, best of 3, 1=success 2=fail)

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>6278000
>SALVAGE THE ACT

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>6278000
>SALVAGE THE ACT (three 1d2s, best of 3, 1=success 2=fail)

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>6278000
>SALVAGE THE ACT

>>6278010
>>6278013
>>6278034
Okay the blind fool act might've fallen apart, but the "loud, belligerent schizophrenic tweaker" act might work out? as long as that bitch doesn't call the PoPo it's all right.

Your pals would never, they might be huge faggots BUT they are not snitches; though you might have lost access to any snack or booze they might purchase, and any sort of upper, downer, screamer, laughter or heavy-duty research chemical they might have access to. The gas station might put a poster outside with your beautiful mug with the words "BARRED FROM ENTRY: LOUD CRAZY HOMO" printed in 72 arial above it (bold and underlined to drive the point home).

This is what you wanted right?
You're barricaded inside (or rather, they're locked outside your domain), black mold, faint lemon zest and still-damp bodily fluids greet your schnoz, take a whiff and prepare, better make this last, the world's most important bonghit, right here, and now.

>SEARCH THE WHOLE BATHROOM FIRST (Extra urinal cakes are always handy)
>T SPIGOT DUDE, BROCHACHO... [Write in]
>FUCK IT MAN IT'S ON!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!

>>6278073
>FUCK IT MAN IT'S ON!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!

>>6278073
>FUCK IT MAN IT'S ON!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!

>>6278450
>>6278465

Flick, flick. Flick

As the green coal burns away into pure dopey goodness, your body subconsciously tries to replace every single molecule of air in your lungs with weedsmoke; a reflex achieved after countless years of masterful hits, decades of training in every sort of environment: the office, your mom's bathroom, inside a dumpster, section 8 housing, in the middle of a wedding (Pant's to be specific), funeral, baptism, and divorce party, on top of (and under) the Golden Gate Bridge and etc. You're a machine, fine-tuned to perform one purpose in life and that purpose is to get really fucking high.

As the dope hits your system, you start getting lightheaded... you can feel a slight tingle all around your subtle body, your third eye finally twitching wide open mayhaps?

you wonder what could it beeeeegfjfnynn#v.gfj{hg{.%m.{¿..n,n*m,--.,,..


...

...

...

...
...

RANDS!!
So THAT'S the guy! the one who's missing!
There were four of you, there have always been four of you, like a stereotypical british boyband but instead of singing about heartbreak or longing or shagging you sung about dicks and deep space 9 reruns all day long for twenty years, twenty productive, beautiful years.

How do you ever forget that type of thing holy fuck you must have golf ball sized holes in your brain. Years of 12 hour long jerk-a-thons and repeated blunt force trauma to the head are finally catching up to you.

Oh yeah and the laced weed, the giant skeleton might have a point.

You must solve this mystery, what the fuck happened to that guy, and to YOU.

As you stumble outside you spot the pack defusing the situation, but something feels.. off..

Pants must know, after all he gave you the dope, he must be in on it... you just know it... you're feeling watched, stalked, spied on, the bastard...

Or maybe it's just the giant monster behind Pants.

>KEEP CALM and just get out of there, maybe you can keep yourself together long enough to check out and go home.
>PANTS WHAT THE FUCK MAN? What was in that thing???
>ASK THE PAIR ABOUT RANDS
>WARN THE PARTY of the giant fuckoff monster-thing
>T SPIGOT GAYHOMOSSAYSWHAT [Write in]

>>6278502
>WARN THE PARTY of the giant fuckoff monster-thing

>>6278502
>KEEP CALM and just get out of there, maybe you can keep yourself together long enough to check out and go home.
Cool cool cooooool

>>6278502
>KEEP CALM and just get out of there, maybe you can keep yourself together long enough to check out and go home.

>>6278502
>WARN THE PARTY of the giant fuckoff monster-thing

>>6278502
>>KEEP CALM and just get out of there
Nice and easy spigot
Just think of dongs

>>6279905
>>6279075
>>6278697
phew finally

aaaalright ooookay just breathe in...
FUCK

It seems like the walls of reality are tenuously thin here, weird fucked up things pop up from out of nowhere, as if dealing with californians wasn't harrowing enough, you're now dealing with ASTRAL californians. You gotta get out of here PRONTO.

God what's the fucking holdup.. they're squabbling over gas station tacos, great. You feel the.. THINGS watching you, from behind, from afar, from under the ceramic tiles lining the floor, from the cracks in the walls and inside the big puffy nacho bags that have more air than nachos, they're waiting for you to let your guard down so they can take your ass to pound town.

You DO owe deuce money but your... wallet isn't stocked with-er... "legal" tender so to speak, you risk making a scene.

>PAY WITH THE THREE DOLLAR BILL
>USE THE REWARDS CARD
>$3 BILL AND REWARDS CARD??? (That'll cover it)
>SPRINT OUT OF THE STORE (pray they don't call the cops)
>DO A LITTLE... SLEIGHT OF HAND WITH THE SNACKS (look, it's not shoplifting if you don't get caught [three 1d2s you know the deal])
>T SPIGOT YO DUDE [Write in]