Anon, the sun is going down. What worries you in this upcoming night? please let me help.

>>81475448 (OP)
can you help me tie my shoe

>>81475448 (OP)
Math is so confusing and there is so much

>>81475458
I would love to help you with anything Anon. Please follow the image guide.

>>81475471
not OP, but what math class are you talking about

>>81475471
I could help. AI could also help!

>>81475492
Thank you so much for helping others too anon.

>>81475477
thank you OP, you are very kind.
now, is there anything that worries you in this cold evening?

>>81475448 (OP)
I need to be seen anon, but i don't, what I need is to learn to comfortably sit by again, but i want to be seen tho, bla bla blo ble ble ble

>>81475448 (OP)
This has been the most stressful week I've had since college
>last week of school, have to decide if these kids I've known for six weeks will pass or fail
>huge interview tonight
>moving out of my apartment and need to clean it (it's filthy)
>conflict with my mother
>have to pay a few thousand dollars for various things
Fortunately the worst of it seems to be behind me.

>>81475448 (OP)
why do you care? What do you gain from this?

>>81475511
Thank you Anon. You are kind too. Don't worry. I'm just here to spend time and try to help my friends here.

>>81475533
You feel stuck in your life anon? you seem very confused anon.

>>81475680
>I'm just here to spend time and try to help my friends here.
but then, who worries about the person that worries about others?

>>81475492
>>81475499
It's calc 1 but I'm missing whatever came before calc 1 because I was homeschooled in highschool so I can't understand shit

>>81475545
Anon...I am so sorry for all these hard stuff going at you. Thank you for your efforts as a teacher I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart. Anon please know that hard times come and go they will forge you to become stronger. You didnt decided who would fail or not, the kids did with their work. Take herbal stress pills if you have some and I genuinely recommend some. Can you hire someone to clean it for you or help? or a friend? You and your mother seem to always go back and forth...so dont worry anon. and please before you buy or pay anything ask around and check prices. Anon, every issue will go and life goes on please worry not for worry will bring only more worry. Thank you Anon I wish you the best my anon.

>>81475735
Calculus is confusing even for people who studied math all their life. It's not your fault. There's a great video series by 3blue1brown that helped me understand calculus the summer before I took it in school. I don't think I know it well enough to teach it to you here myself, but hopefully the videos are a useful resource for you.

>>81475735
oh shoot anon, what are you missing specifically? like, solving equations and high school like that?

>>81475458
wanna learn how to tie your shoe?
Its a very easy thing to do
Just sit on down and ill give you the scoop
Whats that?
Its called the loop de loop!

>>81475680
I'm very confused, anon
do you have any advice regarding this?

You cannot help me unfortunately. I've become a pariah to the person I care about the most. They've erected a massive wall around themselves. I am excluded from all meaningful interactions, and I am treated with clinical detachment and avoidance while everybody else is treated normally or warmly. They say that they aren't angry or upset with me, but their actions are ice cold and are filled with contempt. I wish I could get through those walls and reach out to them. I want to find out what I have done wrong, so that I can apologize and make amends. I want things to be happy again. I want to go back to laughing and smiling with them, and having fun. Nothing save for a miracle will grant that.

>>81475556
Knowing that you people are alright and trying to help even a little is enough. I hope you take much care of yourself anon.

>>81475725
You seem kind and you seem to worry. knowing kind people like you are around is enough for me. I hope you always be kind and happy anon.

>>81475751
>you didn't decide who would fail or not
You're right for most of them; however, a huge number of students at my school have IEPs and extenuating circumstances that influence how I have to grade them. For example, I have a student who literally cannot make it to my class in the morning because the school's transportation is so bad. He's doing well in all of his other classes and he clearly understands the content of my class. That was an easy choice - I passed him. But there are others that are more ambiguous.
>hire someone to clean it for you
That's what I'm going to do. I need to do a preliminary clean first and it's an annoyingly big charge, though.

>>81475832
Yeah I'm not buying it.

>>81475782
Anon try discovering yourself. Have you ever tried reading psychology sitting down and figuring yourself out? even if it sounds silly or u don't believe in it. try it anon. you are the only one who knows...you.

>>81475800
anon
you need to learn something regarding this life.
every relationship you build around people is hard to maintain.
your kids or lovers.
anon
learn to be happy with yourself and your life before you buikd anything with people. don't fill the void with people or drugs or games. fill it with your success and happiness and achievements...etc
people will be attached to that
just like you were attached to him.

>>81475832
>knowing kind people like you are around is enough for me
i dont know if its something subtle in your text, but you sound like you have detached yourself from others, as if you had given up. i can't describe it.

>>81475448 (OP)
What worries is that I been a neet without neetbux ever since I finished school and I got ghosted in countless interviews my entire life and I don't wanna be a neet anymore

I also don't wanna lose my mother, my father passed away and my mom is the only I have my life, I been suffering from loneliness almost my entire life and I hate being a neet

>>81475864
I hope you are doing well teacher anon. I dont understand much about your job. but all what i ask is to take care of yourself and dont stress yourself much. hope you pass everything soon my dear.

>>81475891
im not selling it anon. i truly just wish you all good. im sorry i weirded you out. please enjoy the night and take much care.

>>81475902
>figuring yourself out
But anon, I know who I am, what's the next step in this operation of mine then?

>>81475919
Im sorry if i worried you anon please worry not im okay and i didnt give up i have been through much myself yes but i am titanium i will always be okay. thank you for caring kind gentle anon.

>>81475923
anon starting a blue line job is painful but you can do it. little by little we can make changes happen. nothing will change if you stand still my dear anon. please try these job apps and work literally any close job you can get in a store or a shop. you will meet new people. nobody will meet you in your room anon. anon please help yourself i pray for you and im sorry i cant do anything...

>>81475754
>There's a great video series by 3blue1brown that helped me understand calculus
Thanks, I'll look at that because I really don't want to drop out.
>>81475755
I can solve equations and know some algebra, but what the fuck is f(x)? Lim? Cos, sin? I don't know. I think that all comes from trig which I didn't take.

Sorry anon maybe i can help you but it's been a while since the sun has gone down. It's 01:39 right now are you sure you're not hallucinating

>>81476010
>i didnt give up i have been through much myself yes but i am titanium i will always be okay.
im sorry, but i cant help but worry about you.... i want to help you too, i am not doing well myself and i know how it feels to be alone, so i beg you please open up because you deserve to be heard, too.
>>81476016
trigonometry is easy! you dont know about it because you probably didnt learn it, but in the end it's just some properties of angles. maybe you can watch OPs videos and if you struggle understanding them you can post a thread and i can try helping you???

>>81475448 (OP)
My internship has ended and I'm afraid of not getting something after it

>>81475902
I thank you for the kind words anon, but in knowing that I still seek to maintain the connections that I have instead of writing them off because of hurtful periods. I will still feel grief when those I trust treat me unfairly. It's only human to seek solutions and feel sorrow at loss.

>>81476016
okay I can teach you a bit then
>f(x)
f stands for "function." A function is a process that turns one number into another. For example, you can have a function that doubles numbers, and that would turn the input 2 into the output 4. x is a variable. This means that it represents any given number. f(x) is saying "if I put any given number into this function, here is what will happen." If your function doubles numbers, then f(x) = 2x. This might be confusing at first, but over time you'll encounter it a lot and you'll get it.
>lim
A limit is the number that a function approaches as it approaches a given number. This is almost always used in reference to infinity. For example, with our doubling function, as the number you're inputting gets larger, so does the output number. Thus, you'd say that the limit as that function approaches infinity is infinity. If the function were "multiply the number by negative one," then the output would get smaller as the input got larger, and you'd say the limit as the function approached infinity was negative infinity.
>cos and sin
These are both from trig, like you said. They represent the ratios of different sides of a right triangle. I kind of forgot about this when I took calculus because it wasn't super important.

I'm sorry if this was confusing. I'm a teacher, but this sort of thing can be hard to describe over text.

>>81476054
>maybe you can watch OPs videos and if you struggle understanding them you can post a thread and i can try helping you???
I wouldn't want to take up someone's time like that but thanks.

I work in a rehabilitation center for abused children, been doing it for 2 years now. I've grown so apathetic of everything, I don't even care about the kids anymore, I just do what I'm told with a fake smile. I hate almost everyone in the office I go too and they aren't even bad people, but I just despise them.
Then I go to the lonely house I rent, a small shack, it's good enough but everything feels so hollow, why am I even doing all this? Just because I'm not dead yet?

>>81476119
:( im very sad but okay

>>81475958
anon i will try using psychology can you list me your type and tell me more about yourself without irl stuff.

>>81476040
thank you for making me smile anon. be well!

>>81476054
you are too too kind anon. please worry not really. people here have it worse than me. r9k is a place that needs hope and life. i wish i can help anons here somehow. you are yourself a rare gem here anon.

NUN

>>81476105
>I'm sorry if this was confusing
No, it makes sense, thanks.
>>81476138
Don't be sad :)

>>81476126
I feel you. I work in a similar environment, and you lose sight of the "mission" pretty quickly. You stop seeing the students' struggles and start to focus on their dogshit behavior. You start to just go through the motions because anything else is exhausting, and at the end of the day I come home to an empty apartment. I don't know what motivates you. I think you need to really put some effort into figuring that out so you can dedicate your life to something you really care about.

>>81476077
They also aren't a person who fills a void in me. They hold incredible significance to me, and aren't replaceable. I don't want to lose them, and I am willing to go to any length and hurt as much as it takes to repair this rift. There's just no way to do so, so all I can do is vent and hope for that miracle.

My spine discs are collapsing. Every night I worry if the next day I'll be in pain.

>>81476153
>people here have it worse than me. r9k is a place that needs hope and life
i agree with you, but even with my problems, i know you have had it worse than me. my struggles are very, very small compared to what i have seen others go through. this is why i wanted to hear about you. i understand you not wanting to open up, but at least tell me you do have people around you willing to help you and listen to you.

Had a bad day today. It's a little weird because the rest of this week was fine, I had just got out from a sad streak of days which happened last week. Then I've suddenly started feeling sad after getting out from the psychiatrist, weirdly enough.
She also asked me about suicidal thoughts for the first time. I was confused when she brought it up because I don't know if I've said anything about this theme with her despite feeling passively suicidal, but she acted like I've never talked about it. It's was my first time speaking about having suicidal thoughts. I just couldn't tell when I had them, weeks are feeling all the same, time feels a little distorted.
She did tell me I have anxiety and ocd but nothing about depression, which is strange.

>>81476105
>I'm a teacher
That's really cool! Also teaching the other anon was a kind act.

>>81476153
I'm very reserved
I'm often described as bitter
There's cool worlds in my mind
I'm prone to addiction

Need more?.. anon

>>81476238
Will this eventually paralyze or kill you?

>>81476304
>a kind act
I enjoy doing it, but I fear I'm not good enough

>>81476206
>I don't know what motivates you. I think you need to really put some effort into figuring that out
I've been thinking about that a lot, it seems clear to me that living for myself is not motivation enough. I would love to have a family of my own and work for their sake but that is easier said than done, mostly because I'm not great with the ladies

>>81476068
Life will not end over it anon please dont worry. im sure you will get it and even if you didnt you will find some solutions like you always do anon.

>>81476077
anon if that so. why dont you try your last genuine shot to reach him? if all roads are blocked find a letter or text. if you cant reach them anymore then im sorry anon. maybe that person is having issues himself. anon do you know any of his friends or groups?

>>81476126
can you change your job or find a new group or a new circle to be around? you seem to be emotionally tired and mentally exhausted anon...

>>81476403
I understand this as well. I can't find a girlfriend to save my life, and that makes me sad because I need a family.

>>81476354
I never went to college so unless I can completely turn around my life around at 28 and live a comfortable life working an office job then yes, it will eventually leave me bed ridden or in a wheelchair if I continue working manual labor jobs. The only good thing I have for me right now is that I have a savings of 200k. It won't kill me but these past few months I've seriously contemplated suicide. I cry every night because I don't want to do it, but it feels like it's the only way out now.

>>81476415
>can you change your job or find a new group or a new circle to be around?
I've sent a few resumes but no luck so far. This job ends in 2026 anyway so I suppose I'll endure it and then who knows what will happen
>>81476498
Sometimes I see really pretty girls on buses or on the streets and I wonder if I should just approach them and talk to them but I'm not brave enough. I wonder if women even like that

>>81476415
They most certainly are having issues themselves, and I wish to help them out so they won't be so burdened. They have shut me out so I cannot though. I cannot reach them in the deeper sense, I cannot have genuine deep communication with them. They forbid me from seeing them, will not use any communication that is closer such as a phone, and won't engage in any activities with me present anymore. I can send them messages and I have avenues of communication open, but no matter what I say I cannot get through to them anymore as hard as I try to. All words beyond the surface bounce off these cold walls they have set up to shut out their emotions, and I get silence or detached words. They won't let themselves feel around me anymore, be close around me anymore, and are actively pushing me away. They will be themselves around others, and engage in activities with others. But around me they don't let their true self out. If I could get through these walls I could try to understand, apologize and fix things if I did something wrong, and then they would feel, connect, and understand. If that were to happen I could come over and help them, and do my very best to support them. The miracle I need is getting through to the real them so they open themselves up again, so they can feel again and there's an avenue for reconciliation.

>>81476562
There are definitely jobs you can find that don't involve physical labor even without a college degree. Maybe you can do data entry in an office?
>200k
At 28? that's a lot. I'm 24 and I'm still just under 10k and financially dependent on my parents. You should be proud of that.

>>81476571
>I wonder if women even like that
That's what keeps me from doing it too. I feel like no woman will want to be with me if I just cold approach them.