>bisexual who swore off gayness since i want a family
>horribly bitter, alone, and sad. want nothing more than to get attention
>have a fellow friend who is faggy and down on his luck
>he gets high and starts flirting with me and complimenting me
>really like it and want him to do it again
>also know deep down that what im doing is wrong since i want a family

what do i do that doesn't involve promiscuous sex or doing something else that's wrong

>>81514048 (OP)
You know this would only be an issue if it directly stopping you from working on that goal. If you dont even have a gf or someone you're dating then i dont see what this has to do with you having a family?

>>81514060
>You know this would only be an issue if it directly stopping you from working on that goal
it does, because I want to fuel those feelings and the flirting, which may end up being a relationship. I can't be in both a gay and straight relationship. that's promiscuous.

>If you dont even have a gf or someone you're dating then i dont see what this has to do with you having a family?
i dont wanna turn away a girl just because im with a dude at the time

>>81514088
>I can't be in both a gay and straight relationship. that's promiscuous.
you could just adopt or use a surrogate and be in a gay one

>>81514112
>just adopt or use a surrogate

1. that's not actually having a kid genetically, which does matter.
2. i dont think a kid should be raised by two dads. that sounds like it'd go poorly.

>>81514088
You are thinking way too far ahead. You can think about not having a relationship when you're getting there. For the moment you can just enjoy getting fucked in the butt. It's good to think ahead but in this case you're overdoing it. You need touch and intimacy and you ARE bisexual, to remove yourself from intimacy because of something that's not even visible on the far horizon at this moment will only harm yourself.

>>81514119
>1. that's not actually having a kid genetically, which does matter.
A surrogate is your genetics still, second point is up to you to figure out if it's true or not

>>81514130
>For the moment you can just enjoy getting fucked in the butt
I dont want to have promiscuous sex. I also value just straight attention over sex, personally.

>You need touch and intimacy
maybe i do, but not at the cost of being a man whore

>>81514148
>A surrogate is your genetics still
only one parent's, but i guess you could do multiple

>second point is up to you to figure out if it's true or not
I think it probably is, there's a reason it's been the norm through most of human history

>>81514174
>I dont want to have promiscuous sex. I also value just straight attention over sex, personally.
>maybe i do, but not at the cost of being a man whore
Thats entirely different from the family issue then and seems like a pretty clear cut situation.

>>81514130
this is insanely wrong. Relationships happen spontaneously out of nowehere, it's not like he's 0% of the way to a relationship so he doesn't have to worry about it until he's almost at one or something. It's more binary, it's like one day you're single then the next day you're not. >>81514088
Pretty much what he said here.

Anyway OP yeah you should just date a dude and actually try to build something with them. Definitely don't' just have mindless degenerate sex with anyone that's retarded. alright good luck.

>>81514229
False
Thats all i can say.

>>81514229
>Anyway OP yeah you should just date a dude and actually try to build something with them
but i cant start a normal family with a dude and have a normal dynamic. I dont wanna be a total faggot

>>81514244
get raped nigger

>>81514119
Single fathers raise better kids than single mothers

>>81514278
this is true, and as long as OP has a feminine presence in his life, like his sister or his mom or something then the kid will have the benefits of being raised by both male and female, which is all you really need.

>>81514048 (OP)
I'm bi and wouldn't date a guy without making it clear that I'll only ever see him as a very cute and respected concubine, but not as my waif.

>>81514446
>I'll only ever see him as a very cute and respected concubine, but not as my waif.
that's the problem, im pretty sure if i played into the flirting and stuff that's all it'd ever be. I don't want to settle for something short of a wife.

>>81514647
Then you shouldn't make any friends either, and cut contact with your birth parents as well... unless you apply separate rules to familial / friendly / practical / intellectual / romantic / sexual love.
Love is love. It's really not "settling" to acknowledge that.

to clear it up a bit, I mean that "having lunch" is not "settling for less than dinner". they're different things and if you can't get them both on one plate right now, it may be better to just have the lunch that you have in front of you and have dinner later in the day...

>>81514704
it makes it less special to engage in weird gay stuff with him. what if i get an actual woman in a proper relationship?

>>81514751
that wouldn't be gay as well, eh?

>>81514785
no? if i can get a woman instead its better since you can actually have kids and shit with one.

>>81514841
yeah but I'm saying they're not the same things
like you wouldn't "break up" with your parents and friends just bc you found a wife
if you want to be particular about who you have sex with that's fine and good, but lol try to be honest with yourself, if you're bisexual but curse off half that's not made stable and wholesome just by having some female wife plan.

>>81514859
>like you wouldn't "break up" with your parents and friends just bc you found a wife

no, but promiscuous sex and intimacy devalues the future relationships. besides, i think this guy views things in a similar way.

>>81514895
yeah but if you're bisexual but call anything sexual and intimate except with your (imaginary) female wife "promiscuous" and "devalueing" then you're making your own problems and also basically cursing yourself again. painting yourself into a corner, too much narrow-minded thinking.

so I suggest working on that (that "tunnelvision") and then you should be able to figure it out by yourself.

>>81514925
>but if you're bisexual but call anything sexual and intimate except with your (imaginary) female wife "promiscuous" and "devalueing" then you're making your own problems
I think premarital sex is a rather bad idea. If I got married to this person, im precluding myself from having kids as well. I dont want to do that

>>81514977
I don't respect rituals and ceremonies, I think they're a giant waste of time. But you do you.
Also again, you don't have to marry everyone you love. Or you'd have to marry your mom, your father, each of your friends and so on.

>repress sexuality
>>horribly bitter, alone, and sad
many such cases

>>81514048 (OP)
>what do i do
Come out and be happy
>doesn't involve promiscuous sex
Gay love
>Something else that's wrong
Being miserable is wrong.

>>81514977
>think premarital sex is a rather bad idea
Why? Ancient literature? Come on. You deserve better

>>81514647
>I don't want to settle for something short of a wife.
Let's be honest, that's what you want (something other than a wife). But you don't want to want that because of repression and religion and all that shit.
Too bad. I remember thinking like you one day and boy was I miserable.

>>81515177
>Come out and be happy
I don't like this identity, I was groomed into it by a pedophile. It's not positive or good for me, and won't let me start a proper family

>>81515186
>Why?
it devalues the intimacy of the act. high amounts of it leads to higher chances of divorce later in life. its associated with STD. it takes away that specialness with the one person you do it with.

>>81515220
>But you don't want to want that because of repression and religion and all that shit.
maybe i do want it, but seeing how incompatible it is with the life i want to live it hurts. I wish it'd make the feelings go away with it too

>>81515268
>I was groomed into it by a pedophile
Can you envision an alternative universe where you weren't abused but still ended up being gay?
Many men suffer childhood sex abuse and are still straight, many gay men have never suffered sex abuse in childhood.

>>81515268
>I don't like this identity
It's not an "identity" it's just your sexual orientation. You said you were alone and bitter. "not liking" being gay is the reason why you're struggling, when you should embrace your authenticity instead and be at ease

>>81515268
>won't let me start a proper family
Your family can be proper with love, anon, for it is love that makes up a family, not the gender of the parents.
So many "proper families" out there are fucked up and dysfunctional

>>81515268
>it devalues the intimacy of the act.
It's like saying that being happy now will devalue the happiness of your future self. I think you are putting the "value" of sex in the wrong place (losing virginity after marriage) instead of putting it on the person you love. You know you just can't love a woman like you would love a man this "intimacy" that you value so highly will be worthless when you're heart is just not into it.

>>81515268
>high amounts of it leads to higher chances of divorce later in life.
Remember you are not an statistic, you are a person. Sometimes divorce is a force for good. Besides, you can just be with the man you love and not worry about these labels.

>>81515482
>Can you envision an alternative universe where you weren't abused but still ended up being gay?
like logically its possible, but realistically not. the pedo had a weird fetish for bisexuals and was really pushy about me being a bisexual at the age of like 8.

>Many men suffer childhood sex abuse and are still straight, many gay men have never suffered sex abuse in childhood.
I don't deny that, but mine was specific and targeted. he wanted me to believe I was bisexual and introduced a lot of erotic stuff to me to make that happen.

>>81515500
>It's not an "identity" it's just your sexual orientation
which infers what i do with my life and who i am.

>"not liking" being gay is the reason why you're struggling, when you should embrace your authenticity instead and be at ease
I was perfectly fine with not ever engaging with this until the guy flirted with me once. now i feel weird despite knowing i should do the right thing and try to still pursue getting a wife.

>>81515519
>Your family can be proper with love, anon, for it is love that makes up a family, not the gender of the parents.
maybe in theory, but i dont think i could ever mother like a woman ever could.

>>81515548
>You know you just can't love a woman like you would love a man this "intimacy" that you value so highly will be worthless when you're heart is just not into it.
no, i can love a woman to that degree, its just so rare to find one that aligns. I'm just very trusting of this guy and having him flirt with me is activating stuff in me. I dont like it.

>It's like saying that being happy now will devalue the happiness of your future self. I think you are putting the "value" of sex in the wrong place (losing virginity after marriage) instead of putting it on the person you love
if this is okay than the whore behavior people engage in these days is okay too. It's not, it leads to broken dating dynamics i dont want to contribute to.

>>81515268
>its associated with STD.
Don't have unprotected sex and don't be promiscuous, duh?
That "specialness" won't mean anything if you're not in love with the other person. What makes sex special is not the number of partners, it's the connection between you two.

>>81515582
>That "specialness" won't mean anything if you're not in love with the other person
I think i can fall in love with a woman, im just in a bad crush right now

>What makes sex special is not the number of partners, it's the connection between you two.

which is related to the number of partners since that's a sign of how exclusive you are. caring about another partner means a certain level of exclusion of giving something to them.

>>81515268
>maybe i do want it, but seeing how incompatible it is with the life i want to live it hurts
Let's be honest here for a minute.
The life you really want, like actually want from the honest half of your heart, is a life with the man you love.
The life you say you want (wife and family) is not really your want. It is the want of society, your family, your religion and the world around you, pushing you towards cis heteronormativity, threatening you with every curse imaginable if you dare disobey.
This is a conflict between your two opposing desires: pleasing yourself, or pleasing your family. Doing what you want, or wanting what others do. Being happy with yourself, or fitting in the happiness of others.

>>81515655
but i wish to do what's right for my family, a genetic dead end can't continue it. it can't correct wrongs that need to be corrected.

>>81515268
>I wish it'd make the feelings go away with it too
Your gay feelings will never go away, you are probably aware of this by now, after trying to get rid of them for so long, unsuccessfully.
Even if you happen to have a wife, you will still be gay. You will keep falling in love with every man that gives you a modicum of attention. Things will get worse actually, repression will take its toll. Your wife will sense your frustration too, but not know why or how to help. Poor girl won't know that the only way she could help is by leaving you.
Eventually you will have to decide if that's the life you will choose. It's not the one you want, of course. But we can't always get what you want. You want to be normal, but that was never an option for people like us. You will get your flawed happiness in the arms of the men you love, or fake happiness in the arms of a woman you don't love.

>>81515683
>but i wish to do what's right for my family
Like I said, you want to please others, instead of pleasing yourself. Straight people don't have to choose, they get the best of both words. Not us, though. We have to decide if we want our happiness, or the happiness of others at our expense.
>Genetics
Bullshit. You are not a king, your legacy is irrelevant. You can still have children as a gay man.
Just stop pretending that a wife is what you want. No it isn't. Your wants are torn between the men you love, or pleasing your family

>>81515631
>I think i can fall in love with a woman
You know very well you can't. A man gives you a shred of attention, and you're melting like butter. It's obvious what your heart wants.

>>81515830
>you want to please others, instead of pleasing yourself
I wish to do what's best for humanity rather than just myself. being a genetic dead end is not good.

>You are not a king, your legacy is irrelevant
my legacy is relevant to me

>You can still have children as a gay man.
not without a bunch of centralized engineering to get a fragment of what normal people get to have. it's still unnatural and tied to society, i dont know if i want to promote that.

>Just stop pretending that a wife is what you want
a woman who acts like a man and is mentally like a man would be ideal, the male body sucks.

>>81515845
>You know very well you can't. A man gives you a shred of attention, and you're melting like butter. It's obvious what your heart wants.
women dont give me attention in general

like I still think it's better to not categorically repress attraction to a whole gender, but the gay marriage guy is taking it a bit far
also hard ick on "nuclear gay families", kids need adult women around growing up.

>>81515631
>which is related to the number of partners
It really isn't. You can fall madly in love and be happy with a person who had a promiscuous past before you. Love doesn't see these numbers, they're all about pride and vanity. Love is way beyond that

>>81515853
>Hard ick on gays daring to be happy together and raise a family
Kids need love growing up. It's not at all related to what genitals the caregivers have.

>>81515851
>wish to do what's best for humanity
Please stop with the excuses. This has nothing to do with humanity. The best for humanity right now would be you fighting against plastic pollution and environmental destruction, not breeding.
Y
This isn't about humanity. It's not about genetic lineage. It's about your family. It's about your religion. You want to please them, by doing what they want, instead of what you want.
It's their want vs your want. Just be honest about it.

>>81515631
>im just in a bad crush right now
He won't be the last, though. You will crush on one man after the other, even with a girl by your side. The moment a man gives you a slice of affection, you feel the butterflies in your stomach. No woman on earth could make you feel that way.

>>81515870
nah it is. nuclear families are terrible relative to the village model, two gay men is yet worse.

>>81515906
>It's not about genetic lineage. It's about your family. It's about your religion. You want to please them, by doing what they want, instead of what you want.
>It's their want vs your want. Just be honest about it.
continuing these ways of life are what's best for humanity. genetic lineage and family matters a lot and im not going to pretend like they dont.

I simply hope that nothing stupid will come of this crush of mine
>>81515934
thankfully im bisexual and know that i can so long as the personality is right

>>81515851
>women dont give me attention
If they did, their attention would be wasted in you. Your heart doesn't want their attention at all. It wants something else entirely

>>81515944
>Your family is worse
But it is ours. And that is priceless. Love conquers all barriers

>>81514048 (OP)
>swore off gayness since i want a family
>get a surrogate who will have your child
>adopt a kid
>in-vitro
There are ways to be with a gay person and have a family. You dumb faggot.

>>81515945
>know that i can
>And yet, doesn't
For you to like a woman, all the stars have to line up in a precise pattern.
For you to like a man, he just has to give you bread crumbs of attention.
Your heart is telling you something. Listen to it. No woman ever made you feel this way. None will.

>>81515974
>>get a surrogate who will have your child
>>adopt a kid
>>in-vitro
all of these require adding in new shit that's unstable. I dont want to promote people to rely on these kinds of tools

>>81515980
>For you to like a woman, all the stars have to line up in a precise pattern.
>For you to like a man, he just has to give you bread crumbs of attention.
>Your heart is telling you something. Listen to it. No woman ever made you feel this way. None will.

they have, but its very rare. they're all autistic women too, they're strange and align on a nearly perfect way. men are just way more common like that, but i want to hold out hope rather than settle for something that doesn't align with my morality, even if it'd make me happy.

>>81515945
>continuing these ways of life are what's best for humanity.
That's just a cope, anon. You being a happy gay man will also benefit humanity.
You speak as if you are carrying humanity on your shoulders. It's a glimpse into your mind, into how heavy the burden you're carrying is, how much it's crushing you.
You don't have to carry that cross, anon.

>>81516003
>adding in new shit that's unstable
It's better than repressing, bro. Repression and unhappiness are not exactly stable, they make for very volatile individuals

>>81516006
>You speak as if you are carrying humanity on your shoulders.

me and my brother are the only chance we have at making something of our shitty bloodline. its important to me that i give it my all to be a good person and promote things I think are important and believe in. Good family is important for that. I can't raise a good family if im married to a man, unfortunately.

i want to undo mistakes of the past, I owe that to myself after seeing how awful i was treated.

i want to have a life worth sharing and spreading to others.

>>81515945
>genetic lineage and family matters a lot
It matters as much as you make it, just like you're putting the wants of your family on a pedestal.
It's you who decides what matters and how much
You can have a gay family.