I tried fingering myself after 6 months of complete abstinence and I broke down crying because I remembered my first time with my ex and how it involved another human that I loved and that felt warm. Fuuuuck I should've remained a virgin. I should've known no one would love me for who I am. I hope I forget about all of that soon

>>81516217 (OP)
just now or 4 hours ago?

>>81516217 (OP)
>Fuuuuck I should've remained a virgin. I should've known no one would love me for who I am.
Biggest reason I'll a virgin desu no fucking way I pour my heart and soul out for someone and they leave nah she's gotta die for doing me that dirty.

>>81516217 (OP)
>I should've known no one would love me for who I am.
what is so bad about you?

>>81516217 (OP)

you are young, stupid, and emotional. Hope this helps :)

>>81516226
Just now, I'm still crying about it lol
>>81516236
The normie response would be to tell you to "live a little" and not let your fears get on the way, but honestly this shit fucking sucks when you're someone that can't properly handle endings. Might as well skip it all together

>>81516217 (OP)
Sex-haver karma. I love when my enemies suffer

35 and never even had a girl hold my hand. In a way im glad pandoras box of bullshit emotional longing has not been opened by some shitty fling that went nowhere. Can't miss what I never had.

>>81516239
I'm too ugly, too masculine, too boring, and I have too much baggage (awful upbringing). I've been alone most of my life, it's just that now that I've experienced something akin to gentleness it's hard going back to how things were, although it's almost been a year
>>81516244
You're right, but I can't get rid of these feelings. I run away from them but eventually they catch up to me

>>81516275
>I'm too ugly, too masculine, too boring, and I have too much baggage (awful upbringing).
this sounds a lot like me, it scared me a little bit. if someone was gentle to you once, what makes you think you can't meet another person like that?

>>81516275

if it makes you feel better, you'll get used to emotional pain as you get older. People will hurt you and over time you'll become more resistant to it although it's important to not become jaded in that process

>>81516217 (OP)
This is why I'm scared of losing my virginity too. The first person I'll get close enough with to do so would be so special, I can't imagine losing her afterwards.
>I should've known no one would love me for who I am.
The odds are in your favor to find someone that will love you for who you are. Don't give up!
>I hope I forget about all of that soon
You won't. You'll either spiral and chase that first love fireworks, try and replace the feelings he gave you with other men or learn to live with your mistake and focus on becoming a better version of yourself who won't make the same mistake again.

>>81516269
Isn't love something you miss despite never having experienced it?
>>81516288
I can't get left again. Love, marriage, commitment, it sounds terrifying when the other person can leave you at any given moment. And I don't have anything to make them stay. I'm a disappointment to anyone who has ever cared to get to know me enough
>>81516298
I'd say waiting until marriage is a good option, but almost all first relationships end because both parties lack experience and knowledge about what they want. I hope you find someone special to give it to, good luck anon

>>81516217 (OP)
SHOULD'VE WAITED TIL MARRIAGE, ASSHOLE LOLE

>>81516373
>And I don't have anything to make them stay. I'm a disappointment to anyone who has ever cared to get to know me enough
your self esteem is on the floor right now. you surely have good qualities, it's just that you probably don't receive enough feedback or positive comments. where did you meet your ex?

>>81516373
>I'd say waiting until marriage is a good option
Rarely any women are interested in this anymore and my first gf ridiculed me for wanting the insurance. I'd rather die never experienced loved than having loved someone who isn't in it for the long run.
>almost all first relationships end because both parties lack experience and knowledge about what they want
Very true. It took me a long time talking to a lot of women to know what I want too, and I fear now my person already ended her life or gave up because some douchebag mistreated her.
>>81516269
You're literally me 5 years from now. Do you not yearn for anything? I sometimes find myself crying over little things.

>>81516373
>Isn't love something you miss despite never having experienced it?

Not really. I have friends and family and pets which give me company and familia love. My only perceptions of what physical and emotional love with someone of the opposite sex, is entirely based on my imagination. Do I wish I had a partner in my life? Do I wish I could have experienced young love in my past? Sure. However i can only imagine what it must feel like. While it sucks to never have gotten a taste, at the same time I have no craving from having tasted it. I can only think that I would be far more miserable to have poured out my emotions into someone, only to lose them and be left with that hole in my soul they once occupied, unable to repair it or cope with no longer having access to what I felt during that brief, wonderful period. I do not at all believe in the concept of "better to have loved and lost, than never loved before". A drug addict never needs recovery, if they never started to begin with.

>>81516456
>Do you not yearn for anything? I sometimes find myself crying over little things.
I have creative life goals that keep me moving forward and focused. I will say im in a unique situation, because by the time i was in 3rd grade, i had came to the realization that i just could not ever see myself getting married. I only never met any girls, be them in school, working in my 20s, or just out and about, that I ever felt I shared actual interests with, nor compatible personalities. I have never been in a situation either, where circumstances force me to interact with someone consistently, which would allow bonds to form over time where I would perhaps think of that person in a romantic light. Some would say i never "took my shot" with any girls, but frankly, I never met one in my life I felt were worth taking a shot for. Bad RNG on my part.

>>81516398
Thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt. I don't think I'm useless, but I don't believe I have any particular qualities that would make a good romantic prospect
Don't make fun of me, but I met him on this board. I don't want to think about it too much. He left me a week after promising he would never leave me. That will always be on the back of my mind
>>81516456
>I'd rather die never experienced loved than having loved someone who isn't in it for the long run.
Love is more than sex, if you've dated that means you've already experienced love, right?
>I fear now my person already ended her life or gave up because some douchebag mistreated her.
Your person would wait for you no matter what. This is kind of stupid, but she would just know there's someone that's waiting for her too
>>81516464
>A drug addict never needs recovery, if they never started to begin with.
Do you know the hypothesis about the babies of drug addicts getting cravings for it despite never having taken a hit? That's how I'd say it felt for me before meeting my ex. Something was missing, I felt it under my skin. But yeah, now that I know what that was, it's a lot worse

>>81516217 (OP)
you'll be ok. your sexual history with literally 1 person doesn't matter and is only as important as YOU make it. truly, no one gives a fuck outside of degenerate social spaces online. you aren't unlovable, you're just down in the dumps right now.

>>81516244
I feel the same way but I'm old :(

>>81516581
Agh thank you anon I really needed to hear that

>>81516558
>I don't believe I have any particular qualities that would make a good romantic prospect
for starters, i think you sound like a romantic person, so that's a good start. why would i make fun of you? and, personally, i kinda believe that a good relationship starts as a nice friendship, where you can get to know each other, learn about each other's shortcomings, their fears, life goals... there are so many things. imo it's hard to believe when a person says "i love you" after talking to you for some weeks. this way you can at least make sure the person won't just leave away, unless they were faking that whole friendship for years. but i doubt those things ever happen anymore, that's just a romantic dream

>>81516639
Youre sick as fuck viper. You need to check yourself into the space infirmary. This isnt creating something, this is your sexual fetish and youre bringing me into it. Get a life dude, you have this big open space to play around in without forcing people to participate in your selfish fetishism. Fuck you viper, I hope there actually is a second god and he actually does send you into the bottom of the Arctic Ocean to freeze into a block.

Buy a vibrator and warm it up with a heating pad, problem solved.

>>81516663
>Youre sick as fuck viper.
i am scared and curious at the same time, who's this supposed to be? give me some context

>>81516677
It doesn't. There's a difference between an actual person and a fake toy.

>>81516703
Kill yourself snake. Dont play dumb. Stop pretending to be human. Get a hobby or something dude youre so fucking freaky.

>>81516639
>Why would I make fun of you?
Because who meets their first relationship on r9k? You have to admit it's a little weird
And I completely agree. I see a lot of couples that don't seem like friends, or like they wouldn't be able to tolerate each other if they weren't dating. In fact most of the couples I see are like that. It should be weird, but it's normal. It might be because more often than not women and men don't share a lot of interests or hobbies
>imo it's hard to believe when a person says "i love you"
It is weird, but to be fair, it's also a bit limiting that we only get one word for it English. In my native language, and in a lot of other languages, there's at least two words for it. One you'd say to your parent's or friends, and one for your partner
I wish I stumbled upon one of those romantic slow burn friendships someday

>>81516217 (OP)
Get off my board faggot.

>>81516755
>You have to admit it's a little weird
most real introverts on this board do? why would anyone judge you for that. but you are right, men and women usually don't share a lot of interests. that's why this board is kinda good for that, a lot of people play videogames, watch anime and are rather homely
>It is weird
oh, i know that. and yeah, it would be cool to experience one of those romances. sadly, they seem to be a school thing only, and we're too old for that

>>81516558
>if you've dated that means you've already experienced love, right?
Not really, only lust.
>Your person would wait for you no matter what.
I hope so too.

>>81516875
>that's why this board is kinda good for that, a lot of people play videogames, watch anime and are rather homely
That part is nice, but ldrs come with so many cons that it's a bit overwhelming, especially if you're as insecure as me
>they seem to be a school thing only,
Lol you made me remember, my childhood best friend who I had a crush on turned out to be gay. I've always been set up for failure
Thank you for talking with my anon, you've made me feel better. I should be going to sleep, you're a kind person and I hope you find the love you're looking for

>>81516937
>but ldrs come with so many cons that it's a bit overwhelming,
the good part is that you can keep your distance before getting into sex, but yeah, you are right.
>I've always been set up for failure
that sucks. but please don't give up. it's funny that i say this but i'm about to give up myself. and i hope you have a nice night anon, see you around!

>>81516584
my emotions largely wilted after my mid 20s

>>81516217 (OP)
excuse me, how old are you?