I used to be that guy. No job, no clue, just stuck doomscrolling and wondering why nothing was working out. Life felt like a co-op game where I forgot to pick up a second controller. Then I tripped over something kind of wild the army's got this #QuickShip thing where you can pull in $40k just for signing and showing up. Not even joking.


I'm not trying to LARP as a drill sergeant or something. I'm just saying: if you're sitting around wondering how the hell to get ahead, this is one of those options that somehow exists but no one talks about unless your uncle brings it up at Thanksgiving. Except now they're throwing real money at people who are willing to step up.


I know what you're probably thinking. Military=war, scary stuff, not for me. I thought the same. Full-blown tech nerd over here, never touched a weight, social skills at 15%, maxed out in sarcasm and caffeine dependency. But the truth? Most recruits never see combat. You're more likely to end up learning stuff, getting in shape, and figuring your life out than you are running into anything risky.

It's more "life reboot" than battlefield. You build structure, get confidence, and yeah people actually treat you with more respect. You stop feeling like a background NPC energy and start showing up like a main character.


And the kicker? After your time's up, you've got $40k+, free education, benefits, the works. Start a business, buy a house, whatever. It's like real-life NG+ with unlockable perks that don't expire.


Not saying it's for everyone, but if you're even a little tired of sitting on the bench while life keeps loading might be worth looking at. No hype, no pressure, just putting it out there like someone should've done for me.

If you're curious, there's a site I found that breaks down how #QuickShip and bonuses work. Look it up, do your own digging. Just maybe don't dismiss it like I almost did.

>>81525184 (OP)
I'm not dying for Jews and Israel kid I'll be sipping margaritas in Santiago and chilling out

That was the best laugh I had in a while

>>81525184 (OP)
The funniest part about this is how you told ChatGPT to make this post.

>ahhhhh i hate my incel robot life i want to DIE i'm going INSANE
here's a chance to die and a free camaro
>noooo you don't get itttttttt

>>81525184 (OP)
>AHHHHH IM GONNA RECROOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!

everybody come look at this funny picture

>>81525184 (OP)
No thank you, I like my legs where they are. I'm cool getting raped in jail if that's what it takes to dodge a draft.

>>81525184 (OP)
Kill yourself, glownigger. Total kike death.

>>81525184 (OP)
>It's like real-life NG+ with unlockable perks that don't expire.
holy glownigger KEK you 100% gpt'd this
We are not dying for palantir.

>>81525184 (OP)
'So much for the dead -- they have paid their part of the war profits. So much for the mentally and physically wounded -- they are paying now their share of the war profits. But the others paid, too -- they paid with heartbreaks when they tore themselves away from their firesides and their families to don the uniform of Uncle Sam -- on which a profit had been made. They paid another part in the training camps where they were regimented and drilled while others took their jobs and their places in the lives of their communities. They paid for it in the trenches where they shot and were shot; where they were hungry for days at a time; where they slept in the mud and the cold and in the rain -- with the moans and shrieks of the dying for a horrible lullaby.'

Do the world a favor and kill yourself, fed scum

>>81525184 (OP)
Feds wont even fix our crumbling infrastructure, they refuse to provide any sort of well made public project, they neglect our small towns and the poor masses in the city, and now they want us to die for them, psychotic

>>81526826
I don't think feds come here and post on 4chan, friend.

>>81525184 (OP)
The only reason I didn't take the army path is the stupid fucking forever war we got stuck in with the middle east. Conveniently lasted from when I was 18 until I was too old to enlist. Promised my grandfather I wouldn't enlist while it was going on, and now I don't have the option

>>81527080
Whatever you say, mr. fed

Oy vey how do you do fellow goyim ehehe

Im willing to fight in a war but im not willing to follow all the armies rules and boot camp and all the other learning shit. Unless im learning how to fly a plane.

40K to die for the jews? What a deal!

I feel for this once and it costed me an eye. What makes it worse I get to hear every man say my story is fake because they think the terrorist just sat on their hands when women showed up.

>>81527080
golly gee willikers I wonder who could be behind this post

>glowies are trying to recruit incel NEETs for WW3
Loooool, don't you got pedo stings to attend to, mr glowie?

Can schizophrenics join the army? What if I don't disclose it. I really need a full assault rifle with unlimited ammo pls. They won't gimme guns anymore down at the gun shop.

>If you're curious, there's a site I found that breaks down how #QuickShip and bonuses work.

>>81525184 (OP)
Why is the U.S. military completely unwilling to recruit foreigners?
I'm Canadian and I'd sign up in seconds for a green card and $40k advance, but they'd never take me because i'm Canadian.

>>81525184 (OP)
This is obviously a copypasta from reddit army recruiters, all a recruiter would have to say here is
>you get to kill brown faggots and bang some hot ass middle eastern bitches

>>81527618
Nah, anons aren't like that you drank the /pol/ koolaid.

kill yourself
it's better than killing innocent people abroad
(or if you want to go out fighting, shoot a CEO or a recruiter)

>>81527618
/pol/ would call you a disgusting jew and tell you to get into the oven

>>81527593
>Why is the U.S. military completely unwilling to recruit foreigners?

They do, but they're already here illegally. Go figure.

>>81525184 (OP)
I'm not dying for another bullshit war Isreal started but nice try.

>>81527080
Holy newfag batman
ZAM

>>81527839
He's right. You've always just been autists. 99.99% of the stuff anons like you think are federal agents or corporate marketers are clearly just other anons having fun shitposting in ways autistic people confuse for actual attempts at manipulation. And then other anons notice and join in on the fun by making their own threads and you autists think you're then noticing a pattern suggesting organized activity from one group instead of picking up on the meme.

OP, i'm not sure how to handle your post but goddamn it feels so fucking artificial, dude, like an ad or anything. I'm not even American but if you're some sort of government worker please try to be more sincere and natural, say something like 'hehehe i enlisted in the army just for the monies'.

>>81527876
There's literal documented evidence of Federal agents lurking 4chan, tourist.