>>81525989 (OP)>But how was your day?seemed like it was going to be a good day
went out to the shops with a friend, walked a few miles, tried some new food
played some games with friends
got irrationally angry at having to organise a taxi for my niece though
lost the motivation to keep playing the game after that
found myself sinking deeper into despair as the night went on
wanted to get drunk, like you, but the shops closed before i could go and i don't have a worthwhile amount of booze available
didn't really want to get drunk
just wanted to get away from shitty thoughts and distract myself
booze makes you stupid, easier to be distracted when i'm stupid
thoughts are making me question my life, doubting my connection to humanity, feeling lost
having urges to cut myself, something i've not done in over a decade
i think the only reason i'm thinking about cutting myself is because i'm trying to put off and delay the thoughts of killing myself
wondering about what psychiatric wards are like, wondering if any good would come of going to one
thinking about all the bad that would come from it
if i just blow my brains out it's immediately over
if i slit my wrists i at least get to think about whether or not i really want to die
i at least get immediate support and access to mental health services if i choose to live
better than the waiting list for therapy i've been on for over 6 months
that's after confessing to my doctor the thoughts of suicide had become so prevalent it had progressed to the point where i had a plan
during the count take a couple rounds of .357 from the range and improvise a zip gun to take my own life at home
i laid it all out, complete honesty, revealed just how rough i felt
still fucking waiting
hahaha.
