Tired of feeling so alone
I have friends and stuff like that, but there isn't really anyone who really knows me...
I hang out and talk to people but I always have to hide parts of myself around them. I get it, if you don't open up to people how can you expect them to know you?- but I've tried...
There's an iceberg right? - as you get closer to someone you tell them deeper and darker things about yourself and always they get weirded out.
Maybe I'm a fucked up person or whatever, but I still wish I had someone who, if they read my mind and all my memories they would just shrug and say "ok ig? i still think youre alright, anyways wanna play this cool game i found?"
Just yearning for acceptance... Not even understanding, I don't expect people to say "oh youre so right and justified!!!", just acceptance
I'm extra sad because the most recent incident of this happening was with a girl who liked me. I do the usual, open up slowly, it goes well, and then whoopedy doo what do you know I get backfired and now I feel like I have to hide parts of myself around her too...
I get home from hanging out of off a call and I just go sit in my room and disassociate, doesn't matter if its my friends or sibling or her or whatever
I'm tired bros... I'm tired of feeling alone, I'm tired of being scared to show myself, I'm tired of it backfiring when I do, I'm just tired

ok rant over thx for reading

I actually need a tulpa or some shit to cope with this I don't want to feel alone like this my entire life I will go insane
Well oh maybe I should just tell them everything straight up and then it's an easy filter to find people who will actually accept me but that's scary and the more likely scenario is they all alienate me and I go insane and get warded again
There's just no way out

>>81570905 (OP)
this shit is not real
"there isn't really anyone who really knows me..."
shut up faggot

>>81570983
I really don't mean to come off as one of those cringey "mentally ill" edgy fags
Apologies if I do

>>81571003
what is it about yourself you feel you cant share?
or are they just extremely uptight people
if you cant tell your friends everything they are not really your friends

>>81571038
I feel like I can't share how I really think
I got told a lot that I say fucked up things really easily and they were clearly disturbed by it
I don't think they're uptight, I guess I'm just really weird
>not really your friends
Yeah, a lot of my relationships don't quite feel real, but I lack other options

>>81570905 (OP)
Your failure was curated and made for you by the people who need to offer the solution to the problems they created
Enjoy neo slavery chud