i dont know why i fantasised about getting into a toxic relationship with a woman.
not sure if its because i got beaten by a group of girls when i was a kid, or because a mentally ill girl expressed that she wanted to hurt me and explain her fantasy about killing me in detail, which awakened my masochistic nature.

or im just mentally ill myself and nothing else.

>>81595656 (OP)
>i dont know why i fantasised about getting into a toxic relationship with a woman
For me it's because they remind me of my mom

>>81595656 (OP)
why would you want a woman to hurt you? i'd rather have her give me a hug or something.

>>81595656 (OP)
i'm not masochistic to the point where i want a woman to brutally and or fatally harm me, but honestly slapping/choking is pretty kinky n' neat; i like the idea of being hurt enough to the point where i'm somewhat bedridden and a woman is nursing/taking care of me, i was in a hospital for a pretty gnarly surgery 3 years ago, i was stuck there for 4 days and i had a pretty cool connection with one of the nurses because she was super dorky just like me, she had a cowboy bebop tattoo of spike in the ending scene with the finger gun pose, her and i engaged in some pretty cool conversation to the point where i was distracting her from her work lol, she was making me kinda wish she'd just slither herself into my hospital bed and hold me or something lol, i was 17 at the time and she was easily in her mid-late 20s so obviously that would never happen but it was definitely the birth of my nursing fantasy, not even a fetish, it genuinely just makes me feel loved, dunno really how else to explain it, i get zero sexual arousal out of it..

>>81595868
>>81596090
damn
>>81595877
i dont know, i think i might associate violence with love. i met a lot of problems with those i loved, got hurt quite a lot, platonic or romantic, even since childhood i lived with 2 adults who seem to love each other but also hate each other. maybe a lot of attachment issues too, even my psychiatrist said that my relationship with others is problematic.

>>81596213
>damn
It could've been worse

>>81596213
are you very self loathing? do you self harm at all or have thoughts of self harm/suicide? unironically could be your mind flirting with these ideas and the thought of a woman you find attractive doing these things to you activates something inside of you, id say wait until it actually does happen to you because a lot of more extreme fetishes are very much easier said than done, lots of people think theyre masochists until theyre in genuine pain

>>81596412
>are you very self loathing?
before, yeah, not as much as now though. i love myself more than before.
>do you self harm
yes
>suicide
not actively or at the moment

>>81595656 (OP)
it's likely both

>>81595656 (OP)
Your life is dull and you believe this crap would give it the thrills you're missing

>>81595656 (OP)
I want to lovingly rape and kill moids

>>81599433
We can rp that you kill me bby