I honestly have no idea what's actually worth it in life. Maybe I really do just have clinical depression or something.
Everytime I get a new "success" in life, i'm happy for like half an hour then I'm just like "heh. everything's still pretty much the same I guess"
This goes for getting a new job, losing my virginity, getting a gf, getting my own place.

>>81607152 (OP)
sounds like depression to me.
it kinda feels like your neutral feeling is sad and that nothing is to be looked forward to

>>81607152 (OP)
its all a gacha game at this point
>win? go do it again
>lose? try again
>level up = ageing
and as you level up, you want nicer and nicer things to scale with your obstacles so you get a better car, buy another house, etc.

when you were a kid, $10 felt like a lot
now that you're older, $10 can only get you the lower, shittier stuff - stuff made for newbies

e.g. at level 18 i have a basic sword that does 5dmg and my obstacle has 20hp
now at level 30 i have a decent sword that does 25dmg and my obstacle has 100hp
its the same shit over and over again