Anonymous
6/25/2025, 7:23:47 PM No.81612634
Is out there an anon/femanon who has a gf/bf with autism, ADHD etc? How do you get along? Do you enjoy the other side's quirks or rather try to tolerate them?
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How do neurodivergent-neurotypical relationships look like? - /r9k/ (#81612634) [Archived: 727 hours ago]
Anonymous
6/25/2025, 7:35:56 PM No.81612744
>>81612634 (OP)
I used to have a chronically online BPD gf that was extraordinarily quirky to say the least. It was a pretty good gig until she BPD'd herself out of it, but I digress.
>Do you enjoy the other side's quirks
in a good relationship you should. in my case we ended up copying alot of each other's quirks without even trying.
>or rather try to tolerate them?
sometimes you'll have to, that's just something you'll have to do when you're dealing with another person in any capacity. especially if you're not a people's person like most of the people on this board.
I used to have a chronically online BPD gf that was extraordinarily quirky to say the least. It was a pretty good gig until she BPD'd herself out of it, but I digress.
>Do you enjoy the other side's quirks
in a good relationship you should. in my case we ended up copying alot of each other's quirks without even trying.
>or rather try to tolerate them?
sometimes you'll have to, that's just something you'll have to do when you're dealing with another person in any capacity. especially if you're not a people's person like most of the people on this board.
Anonymous
6/25/2025, 7:44:02 PM No.81612828
Like normal relationships because neurodivergence is not a thing
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Anonymous
6/25/2025, 7:47:18 PM No.81612868
>>81612634 (OP)
>How do neurodivergent-neurotypical relationships look like?
Phase 1): The NT person thinks the ND person is interesting or unique.
Phase 2): ND people tend to be hard to get close to because they are oblivious or have been hurt a lot, so the NT person chips away at the ND person's defences until eventually the ND person warms up to them and starts to like them too.
Phase 3): At this point they form a relationship and for a while it is good.
Phase 4): Eventually either the NT person reads too much into something the ND person does or says instead of listening to what the ND person actually is saying, or the illusion shatters when they realize the ND person isn't normal and just because they have some sort of talent or ability they aren't a savant in all aspects. This leads to the relationship collapsing, the NT person recovers from this loss immediately and the ND person takes months or years to recover if they trust people again at all.
>How do neurodivergent-neurotypical relationships look like?
Phase 1): The NT person thinks the ND person is interesting or unique.
Phase 2): ND people tend to be hard to get close to because they are oblivious or have been hurt a lot, so the NT person chips away at the ND person's defences until eventually the ND person warms up to them and starts to like them too.
Phase 3): At this point they form a relationship and for a while it is good.
Phase 4): Eventually either the NT person reads too much into something the ND person does or says instead of listening to what the ND person actually is saying, or the illusion shatters when they realize the ND person isn't normal and just because they have some sort of talent or ability they aren't a savant in all aspects. This leads to the relationship collapsing, the NT person recovers from this loss immediately and the ND person takes months or years to recover if they trust people again at all.
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Anonymous
6/25/2025, 9:13:16 PM No.81613771
>>81612634 (OP)
Wife is an autismus. We get along and she's easy to be with, but she is very much like a child, and taking care of one
Wife is an autismus. We get along and she's easy to be with, but she is very much like a child, and taking care of one
Anonymous
6/25/2025, 9:21:09 PM No.81613859
>>81612868
>the ND person takes months or years to recover if they trust people again at all.
Real shit. I've only been in two real relationships with NTs and I'm already convinced that dating just isn't worth it.
>the ND person takes months or years to recover if they trust people again at all.
Real shit. I've only been in two real relationships with NTs and I'm already convinced that dating just isn't worth it.
Anonymous
6/25/2025, 9:26:28 PM No.81613922
>How do you get along
The biggest thing to get along with someone autistic is to understand a few key details and to be tolerant of them. Most importantly they have trouble with hidden meanings and cues, because of this by default assume they are telling the truth about everything and what they say is what they mean verbatim. Do not insinuate or read into anything deeper than the exact specific wording they use unless they explain themselves further, or complain if it was taken seriously when it wasn't serious. This is by far the biggest difference between normal people and autistic people. People with autism tend to not lie (they are awful of it), say things with hidden deeper/hidden meanings, or break rules. They tend to be very anal about rules, overshare, and over explain everything to nauseating detail. They mostly lack the capability to pick up on hidden meanings or cues, so be very direct with them and do not be vague.
The biggest thing to get along with someone autistic is to understand a few key details and to be tolerant of them. Most importantly they have trouble with hidden meanings and cues, because of this by default assume they are telling the truth about everything and what they say is what they mean verbatim. Do not insinuate or read into anything deeper than the exact specific wording they use unless they explain themselves further, or complain if it was taken seriously when it wasn't serious. This is by far the biggest difference between normal people and autistic people. People with autism tend to not lie (they are awful of it), say things with hidden deeper/hidden meanings, or break rules. They tend to be very anal about rules, overshare, and over explain everything to nauseating detail. They mostly lack the capability to pick up on hidden meanings or cues, so be very direct with them and do not be vague.
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Anonymous
6/25/2025, 9:33:02 PM No.81613988
>>81613922
To add to this, because of this lack of being able to pick up on cues or infer hidden meanings you should always tell them directly and privately if they did something that upsets you or if there is a problem. Many of them genuinely will not know if they did something wrong unless told, or understand why people act certain ways towards them unless directly told.
To add to this, because of this lack of being able to pick up on cues or infer hidden meanings you should always tell them directly and privately if they did something that upsets you or if there is a problem. Many of them genuinely will not know if they did something wrong unless told, or understand why people act certain ways towards them unless directly told.
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Anonymous
6/25/2025, 9:40:46 PM No.81614069
>>81613988
Final thing that's very hard to adjust to, theory of mind impairment. People with autism will often do the things that makes them feel happy towards others to try and cheer that person up, unless that person has told them explicitly what cheers them up. This will be seen as insulting or uncaring by most people. If for example talking about legos makes them feel happy, they might try to talk about legos to someone who is sad to try and make them happy.
Final thing that's very hard to adjust to, theory of mind impairment. People with autism will often do the things that makes them feel happy towards others to try and cheer that person up, unless that person has told them explicitly what cheers them up. This will be seen as insulting or uncaring by most people. If for example talking about legos makes them feel happy, they might try to talk about legos to someone who is sad to try and make them happy.
Anonymous
6/25/2025, 9:42:04 PM No.81614085
>>81612634 (OP)
I'm ND and my boyfriend is NT
>How do you get along?
Really well, we both have our interests that we're passionate about so we never really run out of things to talk about and if we do we enjoy each other company in silence.
The only "bad" thing is communication issues like him not understanding when he hurts my feelings (never on purpose) or me taking things too literally and/or not understanding his sarcasm/jokes.
But we usually talk about it if we're feeling some type of way.
>Do you enjoy the other side's quirks or rather try to tolerate them?
Yes, we both find each others quirks cute
I'm ND and my boyfriend is NT
>How do you get along?
Really well, we both have our interests that we're passionate about so we never really run out of things to talk about and if we do we enjoy each other company in silence.
The only "bad" thing is communication issues like him not understanding when he hurts my feelings (never on purpose) or me taking things too literally and/or not understanding his sarcasm/jokes.
But we usually talk about it if we're feeling some type of way.
>Do you enjoy the other side's quirks or rather try to tolerate them?
Yes, we both find each others quirks cute