Sometimes i feel like i'm the best person one could ever befriend, smarter and wiser that most of the people around me and deserve a way better life than what i have.
But this feeling lasts for half an hour MAX and i go back to feeling miserable and believing im seriously the biggest failure on earth.
The point is that i haven't achieved something actually meaningful to be that obsessed with myself neither have i done something actually terrible to feel so bad about myself so idk.
What is this and what do i do about it? And if anyone relates to this i would love to hear

I feel like I would be the best friend and best lover in the world and I deserve all of it. I'd just be a broke one. But apparently I'm just repellent because no matter what people are just never interested in me. I probably have the personality of a fish. But a very loyal and caring one. Also I can't speak properly, words just don't come to me so I get an automatic -100 debuff on charisma whenever I open my mouth.
I don't feel miserable about myself despite my failure of a life because I have big delusions of grandeur and I'm 99% sure I will be remembered long after I die if I put my mind to it (even though I probably won't).
I think the trick is to fake it till you make it to manifest everything you want. My cousin manifests and she got absolutely everything she ever wanted down to the last detail without moving her butt, so me and my family now all believe in the power of the imagination. My mom was telling me how it helped her too. Anyway the point wasn't about manifesting, it'll upset robots if I bring it up, I just be speakin' off the cuff.
Still, I don't think there is a name for what you have. It's just called thinking you know what your value is while having mood swings.

I think you'll be able to find a moid to marry you

>>81639981 (OP)
i feel like trash because people are mean but i feel nice whenever they are nice to me

>>81639981 (OP)
I diagnose you with cluster B. I'm afraid it's terminal

>>81640094
regarding not feeling like you're interesting, i kind of believe that everyone has got to be interesting to at least one of the people they know, someone in your circle might actually be interested in you and likes you but you don't have a clue.
So maybe you just need to help people approach you, i have a friend that is actually interesting but he always isolates himself and avoids making friends yet says that he's repellent, Im not saying this is your case as well but maybe just maybe you're the one who's not allowing it.
also i would actually love to "fake it till i make it" but there's nothing i want, to begin with.
i just want to live peacefully, away from trouble and people. But can't seem to achieve this when i don't really know how to feel about myself and also most of yhr tikr i have zero self confidence. Sometimes i like it when this "obsessed with myself phase" comes because it makes me feel better but as i mentioned it doesn't last long

>>81640301
most of the time*
what a freaking typo lol

>>81640116
but i don't want to marry anon
obviously i would love to have someone to talk to all the time , someone who loves me and i love them and ofc have sex with
but relationships have advantages and disadvantages and to be honest i want to avoid stress and any type of inconvenience or anything that would bother me in my life, ik it's almost impossible to live completely in peace but not getting in a relationship will help a lot regarding my goal of living a happy lonely life

>>81640173
NO ANON IM NOT MENTALLY ILL NNOOOO NOO
IM NOT A BPDEMON

>>81640301
Well I don't have many people in my life right now but I'm going into my 7th year of uni soon and it's gonna be a new class since I fucked the last one up so maybe I'll be able to test things out better, but usually what happens is that people lose all interest in me when they realize what my real personality is like. But I'm not dooming and glooming because I'm still not done with uni after that it's so over. As for 'fake it til you make it' I meant by that just going around feeling like you're the best person in the world even when you don't think you are so it stays that way. What you focus on, grows. It's usually the number 1 advice famous people give and they're the famous ones for a reason (because they sold their soul to Moloch but we don't talk about that).
But thank you for the advices anon.

>>81640411
>lose all interest in me when they realize what my real personality is like
what is your real personality like how would you describe it ?
also
>7th year of uni
what are you studying anon 7 years of uni is a LOT

>>81640404
It's not good for man to be alone anon. Your person is out there dying and sad because you're not helping to get through stress together.

>>81639981 (OP)
OP, you don't need to achieve something meaningful to be content and at peace with yourself

>>81640499
but don't you think relationships are tiring? It's a big responsibility that needs time and energy. which might all collapse in a matter of minutes and go to waste.
let alone arguments and fights and misunderstanding.
Also boundaries , expectations and all that
to me i would rather avoid all that and just be alone, hby anon?

>>81640450
>what is your real personality like how would you describe it ?
Well first my fake one is someone calm and composed, that's about it. Then my real one is like errrm... hmmm... uuuuhhhhhhmmm... eeerrrrrrrrrmmmm.....
Something like that. I say that a lot and when I speak I like uhm the thing uhm I forgot. Words just don't come to me.
And I guess I can be energetic and sometimes completely calm. I sometimes speak very little, and sometimes speak a lot (to not say much because I suck at it). I have trouble finding conversation subjects however so when I want to say something it's never interesting. And when I'm listening to somebody I never have much things to say. People say they like when people listen but that's not true, they like when people react to what they're saying.
I always laugh way too easily. I can't make jokes because of it. I'm also maybe too honest about people and I want to make them understand one way or another that I appreciate them a lot. I'm also always the one who messages first so I guess I look needy but that's because I kinda am, while everyone seems content to spend every day of their lives alone (or I guess not with me)

>what are you studying anon 7 years of uni is a LOT
That's a secret. The day I become the emperor of the world I don't want anyone to know I was browsing this place

Anyways if you don't have much to comment on you don't have to try to give an insightful response or even respond at all because I'd hate to make you feel obliged to do so.

>>81640513
how so ? should everyone be happy with themselves just like that.. no accomplishments needed or anything

>>81640557
i was in a relationship
albeit it was online
it felt nice to feel cared for and recognized on a romantic level
it felt nice to have her tell me about her day, or talk about random things, i really related to her

but she was mentally ill, things ended, i lost someone i love and feel unsure in life, things dont feel fun anymore and i want someone back that i care about

so yeah wouldnt recommend online relationships

>>81640557
Yes but also they are like a second person so each other can pick up the slack when things get heavy. Two heads is better than one as they say

>>81640581
so basically you're shy, i don't know you and ofc your reply didn't make me fully understand your personality but what i got is that you're socially awkward or something similar. when you mentioned that you never really have much to say it reminds me so much of myself because people tell me i barely say anything to what they're saying and just nod but im ok with it .
But still , i have read your post twice trying to actually find something repulsive or uninteresting but seriously i couldn't i just think you're bad at communicating and i suppose this can be fixed if you're willing to. Saying uhmmm uhmm won't drive people away from you ig. Also that's just my opinion and im not saying that your feelings are not valid since i think you're just a little awkward,
and don't worry anon im interested in talking to you , if i weren't i wouldn't have asked you to describe your personality:)

>>81639981 (OP)
do you by any chance get too attached to the people you befriend?

>>81640597
sorry to hear that anon..
i genuinely hope you find someone who makes your life brighter and live happily together.
Ik it might be hard if you're still longing for your ex but maybe she wasn't your person so i really wish you find your person soon :)

>>81640733
Yes i do. i have recently decided to keep my friendships to a minimum.. and as shallow as possible too because if any of them get real i get too attached and it hurts

>>81640749
>>81640801
also anon im curious how is related to what i mainly said

>>81640733
oh mb i meant to reply to you* >>81640733

>>81640826
i am very confused now :( i am sorry

>>81640859
these
>>81640801
>>81640816
are replies to this
>>81640733

>>81640714
Well the thing is I don't think I'm shy at all, I'm actually extroverted I think which kinda sucks because nobody wants to spend time with me outside so I just stay in my cave. Never had any problems with group works for example, sometimes I hate them because people don't listen to me but sometimes I love them because I get to work with somebody.
But it's good to know I'm not the only one who just listens.
And yeah I'm bad at communicating and I think it can theoretically be fixed, it was worse when I was a kid and I even went to specialized docs and the like but it's hard to change a habit that's lasted my entire life. And yes I am just generally a very awkward guy, sometimes it's hard to spend a day without humiliating myself in some kind of way but I try to brush it off because it's just part of my nature. I know my uhmm won't drive people away from me, I think it's a combination of everything, and maybe the neediness too, as a man it seems like it's kinda seen as repulsive or something. And don't worry I know it's just your opinion lol

But thank you for all the very kind words anon, it's very very kind of you! But I'm still gonna give you the same warning as before that you can back out because I myself cannot think of any questions to ask you to keep the conversation going (that's what usually happens). Anyways, either way thanks for being kind once again

>>81640876
ohhh, i think i understand now. yeah, it's just that in my experience, i get attached to people a lot, and my mood depends highly on the way my close interactions work. idk if this makes any sense but let me put an example
if i befriend people and they think i am nice and i think they are nice, i think everything is alright and that i can be friends with people, this cloud of "everything is wrong with me" goes away and i start feeling a bit normal, and it feels really nice. but, for example, a person ghosted me yesterday. i'm back to feeling like crap, because i was really attached to this person. and it's not like i pester them or just spam them all day waiting for a reply, it's just that i get emotionally involved, i care about them. so maybe i thought that your emotions could be too tied to those around you just like mine
sorry i am a bit dumb i hope you can understand my point

>>81640957
thats why you need to find someone who wont ghost you

>>81640967
this is hard and i dont know how to do it :(

>>81640937
just wanted to say it's been nice chatting with you anon you also were nice, hope your life improves soon :) enjoy your day if it's day time for you or have a nice night if it's night time lol :)

>>81640404
ok I'm not sure if you're cluster B, but you seem lovable anon <3

>>81640997
Thank you it was nice chatting with you too, hope everything goes well for you don't be too hard on yourself the part of you that tells you you rock seems to be the one who's right. Have a nice day or night too!

>>81640957
it was all my fault anon i replied to myself instead of you lol so my bad you're good.
I think i have the same problem yeah.. My mood depends on how things go between me and my best friend lol.
if things go well and we have a good time i feel like the happiest person ever and start actually believing everything is alright, but then when we argue or they were mean or something like that .. day ruined..
it bothers me so much that i am so dependent on them.
also what bothers me too is that i care only about this one person and im so attached to them but they seem to be totally fine without me.

>>81641107
its okay :) i understand now
thats why i asked, i suspected you might be going through something similar, i'm sorry. it really sucks. what i find really useful is to talk to a lot of people, so if one person is mean or we have a bad interaction then i can talk to someone else, otherwise my whole day could be ruined. sometimes people just have a bad day and if they aren't mature enough to not treat you poorly then you're going to do awful yourself too
btw your last sentence sounds terrible, have you tried making new friends? this same thing happened to me, and in the end this person ended up leaving me, after i gave everything i had for them...

>>81641348
i haven't made new friends for a year and a couple months now , i like sticking to one or two close friends and currently l really enjoy spending time with my best friend but as i mentioned she can be mean sometimes i even suspect she has some type of mental illness because how can someone be so nice and fun and lovely one day and rude and mean the other day wtf?
also im sorry to hear that .. i think instead of looking for new friends we have got to work on the 'attachment' part right?
what's your thoughts? how can we deal with this lol

>>81641438
thats quite a long time, please don't stay still because you will need social skills in the future (inb4 reeeeee normie but it's true, please trust)
sticking to few good friends is good, but you have to pick those two carefully D: your person sounds like she is very moody
hmmmm i dont know how to fix it, do we have to fix it? i like having deep meaningful friendships, i like getting attached to people that will also get attached to me
i have no thoughts because my head is empty and full of depression but i would love to hear your ideas, you sound like a reasonable person

>>81641567
i thought of gradually being open and ok with whatever people do , this way i won't expect so much from them therefore i will not get too attached to them, because i figured that- at least to me- on of the biggest signs attachment is expecting things from people , so yeah 1-i will try my best not to expect anything from anyone 2-i will limit how 'close' my friendships are, and in case of new friends, even though im not willing to have new ones, i will try to make them shallow or sorry my english is shit i cant find the word but i dont want people to matter that much to me yk just fun and some nice time but not too serious.
I know this might be a little bit unhealthy since people should have friends and enjoy and all that but to me the outcomes of friendships hurt me more than entertain or give me positive feelings.
i wish i was able to address this clearly lol sorry for the confusion.

>>81641716
>i will try my best not to expect anything from anyone
this sounds good, but... isn't it a bit sad? like, you befriend a person, you care about them, you're there for them whenever they need it... some people would call this being selfish, but shouldn't you expect them to give you a little bit back? but, yet again, we are not entitled to others' attention or care. uhhhhh
>i will limit how 'close' my friendships are, and in case of new friends, even though im not willing to have new ones, i will try to make them shallow or sorry my english is shit i cant find the word but i dont want people to matter that much to me yk just fun and some nice time but not too serious.
i have thought about this before, and i think to myself, what if i were the other person? for example, think about a person that comes into your life and cares about you. why wouldn't you let them in? maybe, this train of thought is what's happening inside the heads of the people i talk to. maybe they never wanted anything deeper? how close should we let people to get?
>I know this might be a little bit unhealthy since people should have friends and enjoy and all that but to me the outcomes of friendships hurt me more than entertain or give me positive feelings.
have you had other bad experiences befriending people? it sounds like you've been hurt quite a bunch of times
>i wish i was able to address this clearly lol sorry for the confusion
its okay im enjoying this conversation, its making me feel a bit sad for some reason but yeah

>>81641817
yeah i think it's sad but i usually compare between the choices i have and pick the ones with the least pain , being a bit lonely is sad but doesn't hurt me as much as being sooooo attached to someone and wanting to be around them a lot it makes me feel clingy sometimes and when i argue with them they take it easy because it's normal to argue but it affects me negatively and ruins my mood for days even because idk im sensitive when it comes to being in a not so nice situation or an argument with someone i love. I know it's stupid but i feel like this shouldn't be happening? we're close friends and i have deep care and love and respect for you why do we have to be mean to each other? and when i see them doing alright while im going insane is the moment i truly realize and that im so attached to them and have to change , so yeah that's what i meant by "friendship affect me negatively more than positively"
and almost all my friendships end up like this thats why my decision is pretty harsh because i got fed up
as for
>think about a person that comes into your life and cares about you
i thought of this but i figured if i managed to make it clear to people that i want casual friendships and nothing too deep they won't get invested or interested in me that much, and to me it's alright im not bothered by being uninterested i have some other stuff i care about
btw talk about yourself a bit anon i have been the one doing all the talking here hahahaha
you've already mentioned you like having deep and meaningful relationships, in my case , since it brings me bad feelings rather than good then im alright lol , but how about you elaborate more maybe..

>>81641944
that's exactly the thing, we shouldn't be forced to pick the "least bad" choice just because people are bad. we should be able to cling to other people that are going to be as clingy as we are, but yeah i'm just being sad over that right now. i want to believe that maybe one day people will be able to be supportive, caring... in the end, i am sorry you have decided to make of this your path, but i completely understand why you're doing it.
>im not bothered by being uninterested i have some other stuff i care about
you are a lot stronger than me, i can't really say things like these. i always end up craving those connections.
and don't worry about me, i enjoyed reading you talk. i don't think talking about myself is going to do any good. thank you for your time

>>81642040
alright as you wish. btw
i enjoyed chatting with you too anon thanks a lot you seem like a very nice person:)
i hope things get better for you and i wish you dont ever experience losing a friend again. because unlike me , you sound like the strong one here who has hope instead of giving up on people completely.
thanks again anon

>>81642100
thank you anon its just that i get a bit emotional when people give up because i was about to do it some years ago and i dont know why i didnt do it, plus i hate myself so talking about myself makes me feel worse
thank you again and i hope you can open up again because you sound nice too and you dont deserve to meet bad people

>>81639981 (OP)
Is that clannad? I fucking hate It, the only time ever I've cried outside of getting beaten up by my father.