I already know I'm likely schizoid/ developing it as I get older, confirmed by psychologist. I feel little to nothing for people. Throughout my life I've had little value in everyone around me, even my "crushes" were mostly just me wanting to care, even though I didn't.

That only goes for real people though. There are people that are very real to me but not to the average person. Best way I could describe it so someone understands, is that they're characters in my head, but I really don't think of them like that.

I think of them as friends and family really. I've gotten to know them over time and develop relationships, I've met more over time.
I'd say that they're more of concepts, its not like they talk to me in my head or I hallucinate them. More that they're with me in the way a dead loved one would be, or away somewhere, for lack of better words.

I can feel this way about characters from media too. Just like people, I get along with some better than others.

I've ruled out a ton of possibilities as to why I am this way, but I'm still not really sure about the answer. So, is it a schizoid thing or am I just parasocial? Or something else?
I'll do my best to answer any questions if you have any, if you want to get a better idea of what I'm talking about

>>81646142 (OP)
you're undersocial. me too. wanna gay fuck?? xdddd

>>81646142 (OP)
google

avoidant attachment disorder

if it seems familiar it usually means you learned to withdraw from everyone around you as a defense. Usually a sign of trauma/neglect/abandonment.

>>81646169
that's surface pattern, not the explanation
nta

>>81646169
While its true that I do withdraw from people because they make me generally uncomfortable, that isn't the only reason I'm solitary.
If I magically woke up tomorrow not finding discomfort in others, I still would choose to be by myself, I just simply don't really care about other people, they don't feel important to me.

>>81646189
>that's surface pattern, not the explanation
>nta

you are supposed to dig into your past to know why you are being defensive

>>81646190
>If I magically woke up tomorrow not finding discomfort in others, I still would choose to be by myself, I just simply don't really care about other people, they don't feel important to me.

if you have this disorder you are literally incapable of connecting with someone until you work towards healing it

>>81646208
I don't care much about connecting with people though, I don't know what else to say, I just don't care about them.
I'd like to be able to give a shit about people (taking in the idea that it would probably be like getting to see my non real friends, just in the physical.)
but thats only if I put it in that exact perspective. Theres not a single person on this planet that I care enough to bother at all.
Thats why I suspect it might be more of a schizoid thing.
I'd be okay with trying out treatment. I've tried to force myself to get to know people, talk to them more, set boundaries, but at the end of the day, I just look forward to being on my own again.

>>81646263
I can't force you to walk through the door anon

I can only show you it

>>81646267
I wouldn't be surprised if its a mix of both schizoid and aad. Problem with schizoid though is that you don't care, so you don't bother enough to really try hard to get better.
I'm probably not going to bend over backwards to solve the aad thing, partly because I'm not 100% sure thats the cause yet. If I find out it is, then I'll try working on it as I don't have anything better to do.
Thanks for your suggestion anyway

>>81646263
>I don't care much about connecting with people though
If you woke up without the disorder, you would.
You're a man with chronic fatigue complaining about being tired and wanting to sleep, being told that if you weren't tired you wouldn't want to sleep, to respond with "yeah but I'd still want to sleep". You literally can not even imagine another state of being right now.

>>81646142 (OP)
yes, you are schizophrenic and not even schizoid, I feel sorry for you, I know it's difficult, start taking neuroleptics, they will help you a lot

and also, what if all these characters in your head are just you in different masks? what if they are made up to hide your real personality from yourself?

>>81646355
Well like I said I wouldn't be surprised if it was a little bit of both.
>>81646355
>If you woke up without the disorder, you would.
Only if my MAIN reason for not wanting to connect was avoidance.
I'm just saying that its more so that I don't care.

>>81646404
what's the dsm-666 code for when I find people to be shitty in relationships? need certified pro sources on this fr fr

>>81646400
I don't really think I'm entirely schizophrenic, I don't hallucinate or hear things. Only thing I could say is kinda schizo is the fact I have "odd" beliefs but thats about it.
>and also, what if all these characters in your head are just you in different masks? what if they are made up to hide your real personality from yourself?
I've never really thought of it like that, I don't think so. Sometimes I wish I was more like x or y, I even dyed my hair black cause one of them inspired me. But I still accept that my personality is how it is, and I'm not trying to lie to myself and say its any other way.
I tend to get along with those who I have more in common with though.
One of my (not real to you) friends is very different from me, I don't know him that well. Hes a very laid back person.

>>81646142 (OP)
Part of being a schizoid is a rich inner world anon. Nothing wrong with that at all. I'm on the schizoid path myself. Don't give a shit about people. But the scenarios I can make in my mind can evoke more emotion from me than actual interpersonal relationships. Something I just don't care about.

>>81646142 (OP)
>he feels enoufg for the psychologist to take their inane muggle babble seriously
fakest schizo award

>>81646589
I'm content with how I am. I miss my loved ones sometimes and hope that maybe I'd get to see them in the afterlife.

>>81646469
If you're shitty at relationships and you want them, then you're just autistic

>>81646400
I think you don't know the definition of Schizophrenia. I say this as a diagnosed man with schizoaffective disorders, while psychosis may blur your understanding of self, you don't have multiple personalities, you only adopt certain traits of other people thinking it will change you into being a better person. It's not DID. Another thing, while hallucinations are a core part, delusions and erratic behaviour are much more defining of the classic psychotic break

>>81646142 (OP)
does anyone actually hate terraria? I kind of prefer it to Minecraft desu

>>81646142 (OP)
>even my "crushes" were mostly just me wanting to care
too real
>Or something else?
nigga you crazy
you should try and write a fiction book
when i did write it was kinda similar to what you describe: there were characters in my head and they just did what they did like i didn't have to decide particularly because what came next was self evident just because of how the characters are
>I feel little to nothing for people
this is a schizoid trait but it isn't uniquely so
do you really not desire any socialization whatsoever? the fact you are here belies otherwise but even schizoids need some bare minimum of social contact
are you completely distant from your family? if your mother, for example, called you and said she was stuck would you care and go help her?

>>81648402
I like fiction, I hope to make my own world popular one day.
>do you really not desire any socialization whatsoever? the fact you are here belies otherwise but even schizoids need some bare minimum of social contact
I'd say I don't mind socialization every once in awhile but I definitely prefer being alone over anything else. I'd say I do like briefly talking to people or meeting them, but will quickly despise it if the person stays around. I avoid making friends because of this. They're too clingy and want to be around you more after talking once. I want to be left alone. I had to constantly hide from my friends in highschool at lunch, refuse to tell them where I was cause I just couldn't stand being around a person for so long.
>are you completely distant from your family? if your mother, for example, called you and said she was stuck would you care and go help her?
Eventually I would like to be, I would be okay with cutting off all contact, I don't like social gatherings and would do fine without them. In the position I am though, I can't do that and would probably hate the consequences more than I would like the peace. Stirring up unnecessary drama would be counter productive, my family is very much all extroverted and can't grasp the idea of wanting to be alone. I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it.
I would help my mom if she really needed it, I'd say I do care about her, just that my care for real people is very different for the ones in my head. I also have "don't be an asshole/ be fair" kind of morals, so that also influences what I do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6W9qoIN-QU
there will come a payday halleluja what a payday

>>81646190
>While its true that I do withdraw from people because they make me generally uncomfortable, that isn't the only reason I'm solitary
Like guy said.
Clear case of avoidant attachment.
You can imagine half dozen of other reasons, but this one is enough. It's general force that affects your course and always pushes your out. You can move closer and further due to chaos of life but you end up further and further over time.
Think of universal gravity law. Masses attracts and this is how stars and planets are formed and they rotate against each other. That is normal peopl socially.
Now imagine you. Instead gravitational attraction you have repulsion force that pushes you out from everyone. You may change trajectory but universally you would be moving further out.

>>81648619
well i don't have any worthwhile armchair psychology to offer but i can say that i relate somewhat to your situation
for me, relationships are inconsistent because, on the one hand, i have no desire to be close to anybody irl and want nothing more than to be left alone in complete solitude and isolation but on the other i love talking to people online yet i can't maintain any sort of long term friendships and i never reach out to people - i need a "public space" like 4chan or vrchat in order to talk to anyone at all and i need it to feel like i have permission to speak
when i'm in such a space, i'll talk to anyone but once i have left it i likely do not want to be contacted and will struggle greatly to maintain a friendship
>family
i feel almost exactly the same
i do care about my mother and i worry about her as well as my father and brother but at the same time i desire peace and don't share my own life with them much at all, although i have tried to be more open because i consider it unhealthy to be as i am

sometimes i think i have commitment issues
i certainly have trust issues and i don't give a damn about social status or acclaim; social media is complete anathema to me
i've wondered if i'm schizoid before but eh what's in a name