ryan and his real psychopathic wet farts

ryan is a megalomaniac narcissist FREAK with bpd tier abandonment issues

dykebot,

I know talking to you is pointless, but I don't know, you know me, a sentimental sap that screams endlessly into the void without much rhyme or reason, a distorter, a fool, some may say a monster, and those looking for a cheap (you) will always call me a pedophile and a narcissist... I just know that I am me.

But I guess I pondered some things, and I did something. I essentially did what you did to me, or at least what I perceived you doing to me, the truth is lost and it changes nothing anyway.
I found someone at a low point, a vulnerable soul, and I built them up, I sheltered them, I made them feel safe and well I definitely made them uncomfortable with some of my over stepping, they felt they could trust me... And I betrayed this person, I ripped them to shreds, and I made them feel like it was all their fault because they got scared of me and stood up for themself.

I am disgusted with me right now. I don't know how or why anyone would do this for fun. Every time I try to psycho-analyze you the same answers keeps coming back, and maybe that's my own bias, or maybe it's just because you remind me of my actual mother... I really don't know.
The amount of remorse I feel, the self hate, the disgust.... It's unreal.
This isn't me. This place brings out the worst in people, and that's obviously the point. I guess the people who hate me win, I don't want to be this bad of a person. I don't ever want to do that again. I'm leaving.

I don't know if that was actually you who threatened me in that thread or just a troll, but either way... I do pity you. That's not throwing shade, that's not escalation, you can drop whatever you want. The dox was kind of your nuke, the rest is just petty nothingness and a false and very coerced confession. I wish I had some positive note to leave things on with you but I just don't.
In some weird way, you may have made me a better person I guess? I mean, I doubt it, but hey. At least I feel remorse?
Take care.
-Doom

I see someone is still pretty mad. You seem to be the kind of person who holds on to grudges even when new information is available. So very much not like me, as you undoubtedly know. That joke involving the tool by the machinist was pretty funny tho, gave me a good chuckle since again, unlike you, I can laugh about myself since I don't take myself too seriously.

>>81680600
lmao whiny fucking faggot oh boohoo I acted like a fruity retard again waaaaaaa
>>81681042
die

>>81680600
wallahi her charm really rubbed off on you, do you remember when you said you wanter to rape child her? no se aguite, senor.

Adrijus please come back please I love you more than my own life. Just send me an email or ruin my life. Anything. I know I cannot compare to R but I need you. Use me. Hurt me. Abuse me. If you still have feelings for me please hurt a burden like me. I love you I love you I love you. You cannot do anything wrong. I love you I love you I love you I love you. If anyone in autistic secret society ii sees this please show it to him.
Sincerely A

I wish there was a way to apologize and repair whatever this is, but there isn't. All I can do is get treatment and give up on Alcohol. Sorry it took me losing everything to do what I should have done ages ago.

Adrijus I am always there for you. We can fix this you just have to want to be with me. I would move mountains to be with you. You protected me you saved me you are my soulmate. I just want to hear you voice again and kiss you. I dream of kissing you every night. You are the only person that made me truly happy.

>>81682383
I doubt its any consolation but I could have written this verbatim. It gets easier, but you probably missed your window where apologising would benefit anyone except you, so you'll just have to carry that. Keep going.

>>81683252
I am unfortunately well aware. I can wish for miracles but I know they are unlikely to happen. All I can do is use this pain to try and do better in the future.

>>81681720
>>81682922
i don't know who you are but you need to move this adrijus name to a different tag buddy or we are going to have problems

>>81683291
Its part of the addict life. Don't let despair over not being able to right every wrong you did to people drag you back into drinking. It does get less painful with time. You'll never forget or be fully at peace with it but you know that. I'm 3 years sober and I spent most of the first year in misery at everything I had done to people around me. It has gotten way more tolerable.

Dear Kris,

When I look up at the stars and see a helicopter I still think of you, perhaps you are out there someone still flying over my house

Anon

>>81683301
Like what? What type of problems? Mike has Maria and I have my yearning for Adrijus with blonde hair and a British accent and a fascinating mind. >>81680600
Do I know you you sound like him(Adrijus)

>>81684373
Forget about your adrijus babe I can be a better adrijus everything you've ever wanted sexy

I don't know why I did it. I was drunk, and hurt, and I shouldn't have sent that message. But I didn't fucking DOXX you, asshole -- you gave me that information yourself and then freaked out when in a moment of extreme hurt at finding out you had been lying to me for over a year I messaged them to find out if it was true. I didn't "ruin your life", your mommy just took your phone away, which is good, because the rest of us shouldn't have to be subjected to loser NEETs like you. Fuck you, Eli.

>>81680086 (OP)
M
You probably won't read this but I hate your guts. All these months of us talking and you still wanted that guy. I have no doubt you'd go back to him if you had the chance.
"It was meant to be me" right? It's not that you aren't ready for a relationship, it's that like most flabby mid/below average women, you're self absorbed and status seeking. If this universe had any justice someone like you would end up miserable forever but you'll probably end up alright or at worst drag some poor dude down with you.
Good riddance.

>>81684605
the original creator is still the best.

>>81683335
I won't let it drag me back into it. I fucked up so badly the last time I got wasted. Sure I was extremely hurt by them and in an incredibly dark place, but it's no excuse for me to freak out like I did and breakdown after drinking. It was my choice to drink when I felt so badly, not theirs. No more drinking.

nethescurial,
i miss you. i doubt you even know who i am or remember me though lol

Sorry I emailed you the other day I did an entire gram of molly and was having a week-long psycotic breakdown where I thought I was gonna die also saw a movie called let the right one in that made me think of you for some reason I know you probably don't want to talk to me ever again and are living a much better life hopefully you never see those emails and I can stop thinking about you soon

-Retarded faggot

I'm sorry you are having a rough time.
Perhaps you lack perspective and understanding? Projecting and assuming is the worst decision you can make because you are only hurting yourself feeding and dwelling in the furthest place you can run from recognizing the truth.

It's so easy to assume.

For instance what is my tone?

Am I calm and concerned for you? Telling you what I think might help you?

Or am I mocking you. High and mighty demeaning your position and judging you in a negative light?

That's how easy words are misinterpreted because you can't hear my voice, see my eyes.

W
Please text me back
M

I wonder if it's because I am the only one who can hear you past the words you say and that is why you communicate with me this way.

I know the answer though. It's safe inside the castle walls.

I told you we are alike.

I'm not going to judge you, I just wish you well and it's difficult for me to see.

Especially knowing you before you became this way. I wonder what happened and who you were around that did that to you.

>>81686048
Wazoskwi, you didnt file your paperwork last night

It's safe to hurt the ones we love because we know they won't abandon us.

I know you want me to hear you and at the same time are afraid that I do, no one else ever has come even close to that. I'm the only one and I do it completely, past what is feasible.

I don't blame you for the way you protect your heart. How could I?

It's just difficult because I don't want to smile and nod at you.

after you are done seeing red, hitting your palms against my chest, there will be a moment in that silence where you will think of me.

And I'm that moment i hope you find respite in my arms. Dwell in honesty with me and with yourself just as we had before.

You don't have to say anything out loud but I think if even just for a moment, I am there for you in that place I can help you feel better

I tried to make coffee
but the grounds revolted
called me a loser
and unionized
in the filter,
refusing to drip
for less than hazard pay.

the mug cracked out of pity,
the spoon sighed like a jaded therapist,
and the sugar whispered,
were done sweetening
your mediocrity.

damn did someone shart in the thread or what? it was fine earlier

The action itself is upsetting, but more so is the realization of the reason why you feel it is so upsetting with me.

I do feel remorse for how it went down. I take responsibility for my part.

I feel I was clear with what I wrote In my apology, but maybe I didn't properly convey that I could not care less about the semantics of balancing fault and such.

Whatever the case is, the story surrounding it, I don't really care about that stuff.

I care about you and I feel bad that I made you upset

oh god the stench is unbearable

the guy next door
screams motivational quotes
at his wall
while sweating on a thousand dollar bike.

YOU CAN DO THIS.
he bellows,
while I sip vodka
out of a measuring cup
because all the glasses
are in the sink
with my regrets.

his ride goes nowhere.
neither does mine.
but at least Im
not
fucking
lying about it.

The feeling never really changed for me. I know you can understand saying something and feeling another thing entirely.

Castle walls.

I feel remorse and feel bad that I made you upset.

It's the same feeling, whether it happened that Saturday or years later today.

if it took place on that Saturday just as much as I feel today. I really can't convey it any different now than I could convey it then. I really wish I could because you knowing my truth and me knowing yours is all I've ever really wanted.

And I'm thankful for the time we trusted each other that it was a given.

It's the little things, like knowing to say more than "night". Asking if I'm still awake. Those words are special to me and I'm grateful I still feel them.

I could say more but somethinge are better kept just between us.

Sleep well.

every day sucks, life's so overrated.

reality keeps raping me.

You should stay in this thread and not pester people all over the board with your shit
Pestering anons here is already bad enough
Dumb fag

>>81680086 (OP)
Is civ 7 better than civ 6

I took the time to write to you my truth in hopes that you can see and hear me through it.

I really hope you do know me over the distortions surrounding us. God knows what they do to push us away from each other. Maybe you do too...

Songs to each post in order:
Shore - fleetfoxes
Wolves - the accidental
Arms for legs - ki: theory
Northern downpour - patd
My thoughts - ki: theory
If I run - voxhaul broadcast

Links can be accessed here.
https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/81651221/#81664861

>>81686290
That was pretty good, well done anon

>>81686435
This one was not so good. Keep trying.

>>81685530
This is Sloggy47. He loves to add every fembot to emails to keep tabs on them.

>>81686913
Is this Sloggy47 an actual person or just a fictional villain made up for /mbti/ and r9k in general?