Anyone else can't ever imagine themselves having sex?

It's always been like this fleeting feeling of mine, so close yet so far away

I escortceled in my 20s to prevent life-long virginity.
I had five women claim to be DTF this year, but they all ghosted me.
Feels like I am getting closer to having sex, now in my late 30s, but I still think I will fuck up all future chances to get laid.
I am just too much of a bald manlet NEET to keep a women interested. It all hinges on the sex, and they are never up-front about that.
Also, I am anxious as fuck when it comes to sexual performance, so it's even worse. I can't even get an old woman to empty my balls and make me 'ready'.