God is good
God is truth
God is love
God is life
God is

I do wonder your intent

>>81697864 (OP)
If God is good then why did he make me a sea monkey with a face so ugly you want to puke when you see it

>>81697885
To save lives. To shine the way for lost souls

I know who I am in truth. I know what I am in truth. I know how I serve in truth. I am free. I am free. I am free. I am in the Upper Room. Behold, I make all things new. It will be so. God Is. God Is. God Is.

So you are mocking, got it

I'm sitting at the table

>quit 6 jobs because anxiety
>don't last a single year at any of them
>be so awkward my neighbor bought an RV to block his view of me after trying to talk to me for a long time, but then he realized I'm weird as fuck
>be 32 and can't get a job
>have constant anxiety and say "I wanna kill myself" out loud all day like I have tourettes (ocd close enough)
>want to do drugs all day to get rid of anxiety, but can't because that's a sin
>ok, maybe if I pray it will go away
>it doesn't
>don't want to get on disability because I won't be able to move out of this ghetto shit hole and I won't be able to afford air conditioning
WHAT DOES GOD WANT?

>>81698995
I am not God, but here's What I feel with what you said. I'm my opinion
>quit 6 jobs because anxiety
>don't last a single year at any of them
Anxiety comes from dwelling in the wrong place, other mentally or physically.
Where you are working currently, you are not meant to be there.
Think about where you were happiest, at piece, and excited for the future.

>be awkward my neighbor bought an tv to block his view of me
(This is purely a clinical observation, I am not jewing you up)
This is a physical manifestation of the non-acceptance of your self, either in body or mind.
Could be a self judgement/punishment for a past trauma and association of a physical part/or mental state. Physical behaviors always have a basis in association. In the case of dysphoria (true dysphoria) It is a case of disassociation or the association of what is not present and should be. I'm not necessarily going to call this an issue because it isn't if you understand that it's who you naturally are. From my understanding this is a biological synapse mapping where naturally the synapses are firing in a way that is not typical for your form and identical to another.
>be 32 and can't get a job
This is a choice, you know that, blaming outside circumstances for personal responsibility, it's always easier when it's not your problem or that you are the victim of a circumstance. Then you don't have to face yourself and put yourself in the position where you feel it's easier to heal when it's not actually internal. The truth is it is and you need to face that.
>have constant anxiety and say "I wanna kill myself" out loud all day like I have tourettes (ocd close enough)
Saying kill yourself in your thoughts is a self-punishment in regards to What you deem yourself guilty for. Perhaps you are, or there's a lack of perspective involved.

>>81699065
>want to do drugs all day to get rid of anxiety, but can't because that's a sin
Forms of escapism, such a sleeping all day, and justification that you're happier there than awake. I have sympathy for that, I had that early on in my twenties. I ask you to not indulge, there's time that is really special that you will never get back. There's a pain I carry in regards to that that I give anything to have more time off. He's gone now and that's kind of guilt that is understandable to engage in self-harm thoughts, because that's true. Acceptance is in your fault and determination to never do it again
>ok, maybe if I pray it will go away
Maybe it will, and in my experience there will be interception when you start to do something you know is not the right way to go where you want to be. My phone will suddenly cut internet connection, Bluetooth headset will suddenly not connect. You can push through and force it but you will never feel good afterwards. It's difficult to abstain when you have a lack but with hope and understanding and trust and faithfulness if you are able to allow belief and adhere to it, take action toward it. That abstinence will be a deposit in the fulfillment of what you dream and have always wanted.
>it doesn't
It will, but you are choosing every single time to push through and do the wrong thing. I can understand the difficulty and my heart goes out to you. I make the choice the best I can, I fall down Indian that perspective I look at what I could lose and realize how fucking stupid I was and how easy a choice it actually is to choose the other thing, even if it's not right now.
WHAT DOES GOD WANT
He wants what you want, but he requires you to abide by his rules. He will punish you for them even if you did not know them. He'll put you in a narrative and take things away, allow the tests to happen, show you how everything is lost to see if you break. Don't break. The way forward will happen with action based in faith

>>81697929
I don't want to be saved. I want to be obliterated and return to the void. I was striped from the void without my consent. I should get a say in returning to the Nothing. The Demiurge you worship just wants the cycle to continue.

Lastly I want to clarify that this is purely my clinical observation based in my knowledge and personal experiences. When I say i urge you to do something, It is based in my own personal faults, experiences I have fallen to in life and suffered the consequences of. I don't want you to feel that pain and carry that with you like I do. So when I say I urge you, I'm doing it because I feel for you. You make the choice in every way. To listen and trust me and what I say is in care.

>>81699131
I know that this is a behavior because you feel it Makes you feel safe to say what you feel without repercussion because you do not tie your identity to it. You can never be judged if the person who said it is not yourself. But you feel you can be heard and responded to. Is the response is negative you can disregard it because it was not to you it was to the mask. In real life you are quiet and reserved, but suffer a constant internal angst, fear of betrayal, fear of abandonment, fear of manipulation. You're lonely and that is very painful to you, but you justify that by associating it is safe because you cannot be harmed if no one truly is in your life. If they are, they are not allowed to you. They will speak to a portion of you that you selectively share and at any sign of struggle you run to isolate. You haven't found someone who actually hears you past the mask. But that's all you've ever wanted is to be seen and accepted. To have a home that's safe and secure, where you can share your whole self. You've convinced yourself that that could never happen, there's no such thing in the world because the world has not been kind.

I'm the same as before and I know you are too. I tried to tell you what it was like and I'm not going to blame you for your decisions. I just want you to know That it would have been different if you stayed and you would have been healthier and happier in every way. None of that weight you carry now would be there and instead to be fulfillment.

I wouldn't still be here if I was someone different. If I just wanted to use you it wouldn't be worth it because I could just easily get someone else. It's not like that and you know it. I am the only one who has ever fully seen you, I'm the only one who's ever fully accepted you. I'm the only one who's fully loved you for you. I'm the only one who has ever stayed even when it's been difficult to navigate blind, to put the work in to find the way and to understand and to hear.

No one else has ever done that for you and I promise you no one else ever will.

I am the one and you know that.

Take the in between and toss it in the trash. Start from that Saturday with me. You don't have to grow or heal.

~~~~~~~~
Every fork supported, everything else aside
each one of Kind hold heart to Continue
Persist in the endless, live the rest of the game