I don't have enough felonies to be attractive to women (none, in fact). I don't have a criminal record. I don't deal drugs. I don't damage society. I'm a productive working man and this gives women the ick. So. I need to get a few felonies under my belt, do a little time in jail at least, so that women will identify me as a dysgenic, corrosive, anti-societal individual and reward me with affection.

However, I don't want to spend a lot of time in jail. So, I need advice on two things.
1. What felonies are best for this purpose? Ideally, some that don't harm other people. I want to appear to be the sort of person women like (someone who harms others), not actually be one.
2. How do I get the Canadian justice system to see me as someone deserving of great lenience? As it is right now I'm too law-abiding and too working-class, they'll probably look at me and see "oh, a citizen" and throw the book at me, I need them to look at me and see "oh, criminal scum" and give me a slap on the wrist.

Thoughts and advice are welcome.

>>81719575 (OP)
I just want to date a nerdy Japanese woman who loves me because I am a nerd

>>81719629
Well, you gotta at least be somewhat of a criminal & scumbag for that.

That's just the devil, the bait in the ruin your life. Nice slop/10

>>81719575 (OP)
The chicks who go for felons are nightmare BPD cases who will look for any and every excuse to incite drama, all while insisting they hate drama. The amount of time you'll be having sex with them is inversely proportional to how much time you'll spend putting out fires and getting dragged into all night screaming matches.

>>81719777
>The amount of time you'll be having sex with them
Honestly I just want a hug I'm so fucking touch starved I think about killing myself every day.

>>81719858
They definitely won't hug you. These chicks don't do affection. They don't say I love you. They don't hold your hand.

They'll look at your tattoos and prison abs like thirsty teenagers, but the second you're in a 'thing' with them (they will never use the term 'relationship') they'll pick apart your every flaw with laser point precision and tear you down until you feel a kind of visceral hate you didn't know you were capable of.