from 18 to now 20 i've somehow become so morbidly miserable to the point where i wake up in physical pain regardless of if i ween off every substance or etc
i now basically require even if its like a micro dose of anything to get out of bed not in pain

currently been using nicotine gum and cutting 7mg patches in half to reduce the dosage to a very low amount in order to wake up with enough mental power to will myself out of bed
but i'm still in quite a lot of pain

used to smoke heavily but switched to nicotine gum and patches when i realized i didn't like the sedation part of smoking and enjoyed the stimulation after the fact more so

also coughed up blood a few times and got constant pain in my left lung its like extraordinarily painful most of the time but i've managed via paracetamol and some stronger stuff the chemist gave me tho when i cough it still sucks and it doesn't get rid of the pain just nulls it a bit to where i can tolerate it

on ssris but they don't see to do much

4chan how can I exist for a prolonged period of time without as much pain while still being able to live

i ask here because reddit is a psyeop run by an airforce base and the humans that are on there are all mentally retarded and give generic robotic responses usually stuff i've already tried like they've been conditioned to and 4chans always been brutally honest despite being a psycheop too

its as if depressions has gotten so bad that now i can't loose anything else mentally and so my body is killing itself

>>81751427 (OP)
Can you not see a professional?

>>81751427 (OP)
depression doesn't hit for no reason anon

analyze the things you worry about in order to get a hint as to why you are depressed and work towards fixing them or accepting if you can't change it

I'm twice your age, but know the feeling completely. I know I'm supposed to stop hurting my body and living like shit, but there's just no point, and I'm tired of everything, and my body also wants to die along with me. Every pain and new health or body problems makes me feel worse, and worse I feel the more I abuse my body with booze, food, complete lethargy, etc.

You'll probably need to see a doctor for your lung If it's that bad. I smoke like a chimney and have occasional lung pain if I smoke a lot, but I dont cough up blood, just tar sometimes.

>>81751445
professionals aren't magic people like to think its magic i HAVE seen a professional (how i got ssris) they don't magically fix thing because humans are just trying whats worked for others but not everything works for everyone and they're not set in stone cures for everything

ages ago they thought they had cured morphine addiction for example but it ended up being 16x worse they can be wrong as they've been wrong in the past. its harder to be wrong nowadays but it doesn't mean that it magically fixes everything people on reddit act like it magically fixes everything but it doesn't its not a magic cure
most professionals just sort of sedate you so you're manageable for others


>>81751449
the things i can think of as reasons I could be depressed aren't think i have the power to fix they're much bigger than me
you can't single handedly fix a system thats existed to exploit and make you manageable for profit from your existance for generations, you can't undo trauma even getting rid of those whom harm you just leaves you numb and without purpose i learnt that the hard way, once all is said and done and the person who groomed you ,got rid of all your friends and harmed you is gone you're just left empty

>>81751548
I plan to see a doctor about the blood eventually but if its a terminal illness i'll prob just let it happen since i've tried everything else mentally and i'm quite done at this point therapists ,medications ,etc isn't a cure

I'm not a doctor, but I watched House MD and I diagnose you with painkiller addiction. At least a developing one, you can't even get up from bed without them... The coughing blood part is not psychological, though. Get that checked.

>>81751569
>the things i can think of as reasons I could be depressed aren't think i have the power to fix they're much bigger than me
>you can't single handedly fix a system thats existed to exploit and make you manageable for profit from your existance for generations, you can't undo trauma even getting rid of those whom harm you just leaves you numb and without purpose i learnt that the hard way, once all is said and done and the person who groomed you ,got rid of all your friends and harmed you is gone you're just left empty

Sounds like the source of your depression is your sexual assault.

It seems it even villainized the workforce for you.

It is possible to overcome trauma enough to become "whole" again. You can't undo what has been done but you can recover to the point of becoming a stronger version of yourself.

Some people consider this toxic advice but it has literally been a miracle to me. It help me over come a lot of my sadness.

You have to learn how to forgive those who harmed you so you can start to let go of some of that weight you are carrying on your shoulders.

YOu are not forgiving them cause they are worthy of it. Or even cause they have redeemed themselves. Cause obviously they have not.

You are forgiving them in order to let go of the pain you carrying.

Its a difficult jouney but if you can mourn you pain and learn to forgive those who have harmed you. You will transforms yourself into a whole new person.

If you are not ready there is no rush. There many ways to mourn your trauma. This is just the path I took.