>Be me
>Been single for 2 years
>Haven't had sex since breaking up with my ex
>Start getting anonymous messages from some chick on FB
>She has no profile pic, and name I don't recognise
>Says that she knows me, and does know shit about me that only people I've met would know
>My interest is piqued
>Says she's had a crush on me for a long time and wants to fuck
>Says it's hard for her to tell me that in person
>I start thinking it's bullshit, probably one of my mates playing a prank
>Finally, she tells me to meet up with her
>Tells me to meet at local cafe
>I show up
>It's my best friend's wife
>I feel incredibly disappointed as I have never found her attractive at all
>She's fat and has tattoos
>Also has a weird pixie bowl cut hairdo, which makes her look like Shrek
>I turn her down because she's fuck ugly
>Tells me not to tell her husband about this
>First thing I do when I get home is tell him what she did
>They're getting a divorce

I finally get a bitch who wants to sleep with me, and it's fucking Shrek with tits who I've never had any interest in whatsoever. Fuck my life. Two year dry spell continues.

Could have put a bag on her head or something

>>81767522
thats....his bestfriends wife?

>>81767522 Nah. Her body is disgusting. She's a total whale. I have standards, I'm not sticking my dick in that. If I'm going to ruin a friendship, it's only going to be for a chick who is hot. But it's not worth it for Shamu the fucking whale.

>>81767509 (OP)
how did your friend end up with her anyway?

>>81767955 I really don't know. He's got a terrible taste in women. He likes shit tier tatted up fat bitches. He has no taste or sophistication when it comes to women. He likes big fat slam pig grease whores. I'll never understand why.

>>81767509 (OP)
Well-deserved, casual sex having normalfag

>>81767509 (OP)
Hello r/greentext, put me in the screenshot!!

>>81768450
fetish men really out there giving undeserving women expectations that they can score above average

>>81767509 (OP)
You did good. I hope your friend didnt get mad at you. Bros before hoes. If she took the risk to do this, she probably has cheated plenty of times and it would happen again.

>>81767509 (OP)
>Shrek with tits
I believe you mean "Princess Fiona" although I am not hip to the latest esoteric shrekology

>>81767509 (OP)
>I finally get a bitch who wants to sleep with me, and it's fucking Shrek with tits
KEK. At least someone want to fuck you. A sea monkey is just like a ghost