will i ever find love
im a young female and i literally have never been able to find a stable or healthy relationship.
maybe im the problem because im mentally unwell
but im unsure
i feel like people see me more for my physical appearance than they do my actual personality and who i am as a person
for example i posted my face on agatha and i immediately got told to show my asshole called a larp and a bunch of other odd stuff LOL pls help

>>81770812 (OP)
i will never feel bad for pretty girls every one of your problems is solvable

>>81770812 (OP)
yes you will find love, why wouldn't you?

>>81770812 (OP)
>literally have never been able to find a stable or healthy relationship
maybe stop being a chadsexual whore?

>>81770812 (OP)
>i feel like people see me more for my physical appearance
>for example i posted my face on agatha
Wow, I wonder why

>>81770832
they arent
you dont know me
>>81770844
i havent been able to
>>81770845
i dont date chads or whatever LOL i date for personality
>>81770849
sounds bad out of context

>>81770812 (OP)
>for example i posted my face on agatha
why would you do that

>>81770812 (OP)
>will I ever
>young
yes

>>81770874
>out of context
It's not out of context though. It is precisely your problem. Work on that instead of being in denial like the many failures on this board. Be a better person.

>>81770889
here i hope this provides a little context? basically i orbit a lot of egirls for fun and cause i think theyre cute and i was retarded and tried to prove a point

>>81770874
personality in question

>>81770905
no lol
not to bash on my past relationships but i have dated fat and extremely conventionally unattractive guys because they treated me good in the beginning
it only ended because i got extremely attached and that put them off or they found someone else
>>81770899
i know it was my fault and i didnt want the attention i literally changed my discord and socials after

>>81770923
>no lol
then you must not be attractive, since you can't afford to be picky

what makes you mentally unwell
>for example i posted my face on agatha
dont post yourself online that's not good

>>81770923
>i got extremely attached and that put them off
wtf i would kill for some girl to basically worship the ground i walk on and be my neet housewife

>>81770923
>i know it was my fault and i didnt want the attention i literally changed my discord and socials after
It's the mentality that you get into something just because it's cute that is dangerous. Like the people on those boards are of course very degenerate and trashy. Not saying you can't like cute stuff, but you've got to look more in-depth. Same when it comes to meeting new people and trying to get a bf. Like just thinking about what a relationship should be.

>>81770965
im not going to lie and im also not trying to sound like a bitch but i am conventionally and decently attractive
i have like the stereotypical egirl style and i do get a lot of compliments from both normies and people online

>>81770812 (OP)
>will i ever find love
love is something you build, not something you find
you people wish it was that easy, to just stumble onto someone and boom, love
that's not love, that's passion and is quick to fade, love is what remains of it if you (both of you) really really try

so will you ever have love in your life? depends on how far you're willing to go for it
but i have no doubt that you can if you put your mind to it

>>81770812 (OP)
i suspect you have the classic BPD diagnosis and if you are like my aunt who i suspect also has BPD you'll never be able to find love. Like really, if you don't treat your BPD with psychotherapy you will never be happy period. I think it's harder for younger women to do self reflection because they can snap their fingers and a guy will want to date them but you can't maintain a long term relationship if you dont treat BPD.
Seek psychotherapy and stop posting your face on imageboards as well. I hope you can cure yourself from this PD I know how miserable it is to be like that

>>81770971
im bipolar, not bpd but bipolar, i have extreme attachment issues and im overwhelmingly clingy and i usually start planning my future with someone literally the day i meet them lol
so it can be offputting for most
i could go into detail but im kinda blanking and i just woke up
also i know i shouldnt have posted it somebody added me and warned me so i changed my usernames and privated my socials until it all dies down
>>81770973
you say that now
most people say that
>>81770976
i mean i didnt post it looking for attention
like i said it was to prove a point i feel like im coming off as a certain type of person and im really not the way you all think i am

>>81770991
I also have a cluster B diagnosis and I know how much this shit ruins your life and makes you miserable. All you can do is take on step at a time

>>81771009
>im bipolar, not bpd but bipolar, i have extreme attachment issues and im overwhelmingly clingy and i usually start planning my future with someone literally the day i meet them lol
this is BPD not bipolar I know what a bipolar is my dad is one I think you were probably misdiagnosed my dad goes on psychotic breakdowns if he doesnt take his meds due to his bipolar disorder

>>81770979
>i do get a lot of compliments from both normies and people online

>>81770874
>date for personality
Ya. Chads fake personality

>>81770986
i have gone so extremely and disgustingly far for love that it would genuinely shock or surprise a lot of you
so much so that i feel like its ruined how i see myself and how i am as a person
which really fucking sucks
a lot of my family and the few friends i had left hate me now because of it
i just want to feel genuine love
>>81770991
ive only posted my face on an img board once and i havent been diagnosed with BPD but i am bipolar
i suspect i have a personality disorder of some sort but i dont like to self diagnose i think its cringe
if what you are saying is true though then there is probably no hope for me

>>81771009
>i mean i didnt post it looking for attention
Feels like you didn't read my post at all

>>81770812 (OP)
>show my asshole
Well did you? Post a link

>>81771021
i cant get diagnosed right now but like i said i do suspect i have a personality disorder
ive been on medication before, specifically anti depressants and anti psychotics but i always end up not consistently taking them cause i dont feel a different generally
>>81771036
i dont wanna post my face on here but if you post contact i can show you
>>81771039
again i dont date chads

>>81771009
>i have extreme attachment issues and im overwhelmingly clingy and i usually start planning my future with someone literally the day i meet them lol
this happens to me if i get to know them and they are nice to me, but most people are not very nice. especially if you're looking on places like these
>somebody added me and warned me
thats very kind of them, yeah you definitely shouldnt post yourself online. how old are you?

>>81771054
im sorry im trying to rush and respond
what you said is true yes but i feel like youre also getting the wrong impression
i just posted it to prove a point not because i saw it and thought it was cute
the relationship thing is true though
i do see the idea of a relationship as cute in my head and really like it but it always turns out bad
>>81771060
no i didnt

>>81771066
disc: _makeamericagreatagain

>>81771066
gr4ybird on disc. just be europeen

>>81770812 (OP)
>im a young female
granny forgot her meds again.

>>81771074
i have kind of gathered that
you are really sweet thank you
i dont want to say but im the same age as most of the girls who post on that board
its a really bad habit i wish i didnt get attached so quick im happy someone can relate

Draw a 2 lines down a page

On the left write all the things that were bad about your last several partners.

On the right write all the things that you wanted that would of made you happy, stable, loved, etc.

Then in the middle write your "justification" of the negatives on the left for staying with that person, dealing with the shit, and actively choosing not to be with someone who doesn't do any of the left and does all right.

To justification doesn't have to be on the ex either. For instance justification could be that you have low self worth and you feel that you could be with someone who is shit because you somehow feel that is more compatible because of how you perceive yourself when these things have nothing to do with each other.

Never have to make a justification in the middle to make the left side good enough that you stay with the person.

Should not be a left side that you are involved with at all.

Only be involved with the person who is all on the right side

Obviously it's important to learn and grow as an individual and as a couple. But what I'm talking about are core negatives like the person is a narc, a cheater, abusive, etc.

A negative to one person could be a positive to another. There are many core negatives the world seems bad but are just part of a non normative relationship dynamic.

For instance I like levels of extreme (controlled) physical aggression. Choking, punching, slapping, grabbing her and fucking her throat, ripping her shorts and panties off throwing her over the knee and spanking.

I like when girls are controlling and obsessive.

>>81771111
>>81771128
i dont know who is who so i added both
im only sending like a blurred photo and please dont ask for nsfw
>>81771164
i will woll try this actually thank you
i tend to ignore all the bad things

>>81771045
>i have gone so extremely and disgustingly far for love that it would genuinely shock or surprise a lot of you
>so much so that i feel like its ruined how i see myself and how i am as a person which really fucking sucks
This is classic BPD differential diagnosis im ngl
>but i am bipolar
bpd sometimes is misdiagnosed as bipolar, but you could also have both. i think you definetly have bpd tho
>i dont like to self diagnose i think its cringe
imo you can definetly self diagnose or diagnose others when we are talking about personality disorders they aren't diseases rather a set of traits what you cant self diagnose is ADHD or autism
>if what you are saying is true though then there is probably no hope for me
bro i say this from the bottom of my heart because i come from a family who struggles with mental illness from both sides and i also strrugle with my own PD my family life has improved so much post covid once we all became more aware of mental health. If you make the effort you can 100% fix your situation but it's gonna take time and professional help.
I will give you this ultimatum though if you don't seek help you'll be miserable your whole life

>>81771189
No prob, and if you like to get slapped, choked, spanked, punched and throat fucked I gotchu

>>81771222
i would self diagnose but i dont know
id feel guilty and people wouldnt really believe me or trust me if that makes sense
i may not be bpd i may just be unwell
which i already know but lol
i just dont know
i have no resources to be helped and i know that i can get better but i try and its just impossible for me
i dont know what to do
i think i genuinely am just gonna be miserable forever

>>81771162
>i have kind of gathered that
yep. i would advice you against sending pics, even if blurred. they're going to be posted for years.
so, you're barely the legal age then? i'm older than you, but i still get attached. i'm working on it since most people don't really like when others are clingy.

>>81771240
I want you to know that I'm a guy, I've also had horrible shit recorded and posted online about me, and I also obsess over romance with strangers. You are not alone random child woman from another part of the world, old weirdos like me feel it too. Take your time, plan it right, treat him good when it's time and DON'T freak him out just because you are, TAKE TIME and think about things, all things. All the best young lady.

>>81770903
Not to be mean but you seem extremely impulsive what is your damage

>>81771284
Not for Mike for her bloody hell
>>81771248

>>81771270
i would really hope not, i dont want attention i want genuine connection and a person who cares about me
yes thats true and yea people really dont like it but i dont know how else im supposed to act? if i love someone shouldnt i show it?

>>81771248
using the dsm 5 criteria i can already diagnose you desu
>A persistent pattern of unstable relationships, self-image, and emotions (ie, emotional dysregulation) and pronounced impulsivity
>Desperate efforts to avoid abandonment (actual or imagined)
>Unstable, intense relationships that alternate between idealizing and devaluing the other person
>An unstable self-image or sense of self
>Rapid changes in mood, lasting usually only a few hours and rarely more than a few days (You said it yourself you are bipolar)
Now if you tell me you have paranoid thoughts or severe dissociation, suicidal tendencies and anger issues you have literally all of the necessary criteria

>>81771248
Some things like anxious avoidant, dismissive aboidant that causes severe pain/internal angst and feed horrible coping behaviors for individuals are 100% curable and based in traumas. Those who have it remember a time when they were not that way.

Unfortunately it takes essentially live in therapy with someone who loves you and is qualified to treat and capable to do it in a way that is not perceived as treatment.

>>81770812 (OP)
>maybe im the problem because im mentally unwell
correct, you're probably a fucking psycho and likely the only thing preventing a stable relationship
do everyone a service and kill yourself
also tits or gtfo

>>81770812 (OP)
im so sick and tired of stacylite bpdemons and their stolen valor
you will never ever know what its like to be an autistic girl, you will never know what its like to be bullied and get called ugly. and be mistaken for a man in public. you will NEVER know what its like to be lonely. maybe incels are right when they say most women are narcissist attention leeches.

>>81771333
BPD is correlated with autism thoughbeit
pretty people can have autism

>>81771304
Why do you need to show your face to like someone? Actions are far more important, no? That's what I was talking about. I didn't get a wrong impression unfortunately.

>>81771248
>i have no resources to be helped and i know that i can get better but i try and its just impossible for me
>i dont know what to do
>i think i genuinely am just gonna be miserable forever
not really anything you can do apart from therapy and having people support you. i think you can start by making conscious changes like idk not fucking sending your face to random r9k strangers on discord? or not sending ur face on random image boards lmao. i think these are unhealthy coping mechanisms you have

>>81771319
The reason is because any advice, form of help, care, concern, addressing of issues, and even just being genuinely upset will be perceived as manipulation and cause distrust and isolation.

>>81771304
>i would really hope not, i dont want attention
if you want to find someone that is going to give you genuine attention, then you should stop saying you're a girl, and try to meet someone without revealing your gender.
>how else im supposed to act?
that's true, i can relate to your doubts, but then you will have to find someone who is as clingy as you are and that's hard. but maybe you'll have an easier time, since you're a girl
are you older than 20?

>>81771284
thank you anon :) i will try
i just wish that things would go my way and that i could be happily in love now
>>81771295
i am very impulsive
i have a history of extreme self harm and drug use and doing things for people that i probably shouldnt
>>81771317
i have dissociation, from past drug use i think
suicidal tendencies and not insane anger issues
and i have constant paranoid thoughts
about people thinking theyre out to get me or that everyone in my life hates me
>>81771319
yes i think my behavior is trauma based however ive been like this for as long as i can remember
so i dont know
>>81771333
im sorry i dont know what to say. i never said i was ugly just that i struggle

>>81771395
Lately - ki: theory
https://youtu.be/LF1pzN9CM1I?si=-A2b5NbOnug9bcQ3

>>81771366
sorry i feel the need to prove a point
ive always been that way and its probably a retarded mindset
>>81771381
i know its stupid and i know that i shouldnt but i continue to do it even though i know its bad for me
i just want people to talk to me and understand me and i see talking to these people online and showing them my face
no different from doing it irl
>>81771401
i think i will try that
maybe posting on soc without my gender and trying to talk to people
but i wonder if thatll even work out for me
ill still try it though thank you anon
im not older than 20 no but even if i was wouldnt it be worse? people mature as they get older
i havent so i dont think anyone will even be as slightly as clingy as i am
my behavior is a bit childish ill be honest

>>81771402
where do u live around about

>>81771455
how do you mean? like what country orrrr

>>81771402
>i have a history of extreme self harm and drug use and doing things for people that i probably shouldnt
I'm a not a good person, but you seem too vulnerable for me. If I tried to be your bf I'd constantly feel like I was taking advantage of you. The kind of men that seek you out probably think the same way, except they wouldn't feel any guilt over it. Ik that sounds a little cruel, but I just think you should know why your relationships go the way they do

>>81771495
i guess thats true lol
and im aware of that honestly
i always say something like
please dont take advantage of me im super easy to manipulate and i have been in all of my relationships and i just want genuine love
then i get lovebombed
then they leave

>>81771402
Sometimes it helps to put things in perspective of what is the greater harm

Continuing on the path you're on with everything that's happening and will happen to you, with ultimately an end state where you never receive what you've always wanted and the only peace you'll find is in delusion by decieving your self of the value of what youve always wanted and your ability to obtain it

Or
taking a chance and biting the bullet getting through that initial angst of the decision and reception of the result of what could heal you with the possibility of short term harm (like heartbreak, rejection, etc.)

>>81771395
you cant hope for your partner to fix you because of that you never know if theyre just manipulating you or genuinely want you to improve out of sheer genuine goodness
>>81771402
then u have all criteria for bpd congrats
>>81771452
>i just want people to talk to me and understand me and i see talking to these people online and showing them my face
idk it just comes as weird to me feels like you have a subconscious reason to send your face. is it men you talk to? maybe ur trying to subconsciouly seduce them? idk its weird
>maybe posting on soc without my gender and trying to talk to people
>but i wonder if thatll even work out for me
dont u think edating on 4chan is self destructive behavior? statistically speaking there should be decent guys here but most of us are cluster B neutral evil types
my aunt i suspect has bpd is like this as well shes definetly not chadsexual but she dates exclusively subhuman men

>>81771567
thank you mike
i dont know
i will try
i will try to make better choices ill try to be better and smarter for myself and for my best interest but i feel like im just gonna keep being retarded
ill try to take that chance because i just keep hurting myself

>>81771527
I feel extreme sympathy for you right now and I wish I could hug and shower you with affection and tell you how lovable you are etc etc, but I'd probably have to cut it off eventually, for the reasons I described. I'm kind of narcy, and I basically never feel that way about people. Just know someone leaving your life doesn't mean they don't like you

>>81771592
i know and i know that nobody can fix or help me but myself but thats what i want and thats what i hope and pray for everytime i love someone
seduce no, but subconsciously i guess i am trying to attract men which sounds awful but maybe im hoping that theyll pity me and care for me
and yea edating on 4chan is shit i shouldnt do it, but ive never lasted in an irl relationship and i relate to people more on here so i keep trying despite everything

>>81771527
>just want genuine love
>then i get lovebombed
>then they leave
stop dating men based on impulse, get to know someone first for a while. if they are a bpd fetishist 90% chance they wanna take advantage of you or in the off chance they just have a huge vocation to become psychiatrists

>>81771666
thank you and at least youre honest with yourself. im trying to be
everyone leaves so it kinda feels like im unlikable or unlovable

>>81771697
i do get to know them i promise i do but even then i still get fucked over

so is this max or rinnie

>>81771740
why do people always assume im some random egirl lol
i have posted my face on a board literally once

>>81771702
my heart is pounding for a girl I shared a few lines of text with lmao. I'm sure you have an idea of what this feels like. ik this is coming from a bad place but right now I'm infatuated with you

>>81771751
are you the one girl that's out there domming dudes on soc?

>>81771672
seduce no, but subconsciously i guess i am trying to attract men
thats what seducing is KEK
>maybe im hoping that theyll pity me and care for me
yeah i can see this in the way you type in this thread youre really making yourself look vulnerable here, which im not really able to know if this is reflected on your actual irl personality or is just a mask you put online. not tryna judge you or anything just pointing this out
>i relate to people more on here so i keep trying despite everything
i came to learn that people that relate to me probably suck because i also suck lol
>i do get to know them i promise i do but even then i still get fucked over
you might be dating scumbag men or they leave the relationship because of your behavior
could be both too who knows. only you can reflect and know

>>81771813
anotha bpdemon showed up. maybe i should really get that psychiatry residency and get rich by giving consults to robots

Sounds like you need to take a long break from dating and focus on yourself, just do what makes you happy away from sex and love and find things that really anchor you to your life. Make mistakes and find a calling, or at least look. Focus on your career and getting rich or something.

>>81771874
I dunno I think people with BPD don't need to stop pursuing relationships, rather they need to find ways to reduce self-destructive behaviors and skills to improve their relationships.

>>81771918
i dont think they can quench the insane desire to be loved and understood they have so you just need to be able to find someone who loves and comprehends you while having the emotional intelligence to maintain a long term relationship.

>>81771918
How do you expect they do that? I don't think trial and error works here considering every failure in romance weighs on the mind heavily. Personal growth and respect of relationships comes from self reflection in my opinion.

sorry i stepped away from this thread for a bit
>>81771813
who is this? the guy from discord?
>>81771817
no lol thats weird
>>81771849
this is how i am both irl and online, not a mask but i guess i maybe act differently irl? but doesnt everyone
i think its probably both and yes i am reflecting:)
>>81771874
thank you thats what im going to do

sorry for the short responses, im a little busy right now

>>81772043
>Personal growth and respect of relationships comes from self reflection in my opinion.
Yes
>How do you expect they do that?
i begged OP to start psychotherapy, if treated for BPD the point of the treatment is to learn soft skills for micromanaging your BPD problems
OP can also start by changing obvious self destructive behaviors she has like the whole sending her face to strangers posting her face on agatha out of all places and edating people from /soc/ imo this is already a good start.
maybe rethink the type of men she usually falls in love with. you cant have a healthy relationship if the guy youre dating is a whole can-of-worms of problems as well.
take it slow get to really know a guy and that hes a genuine good person if you wanna invest on him

>>81772092
>who is this? the guy from discord?
no, all our interactions are in this thread in order. sorry for the lovenuke I just needed to get it off my chest

>>81772187
bro everything im telling op also applies to you by the way falling for someone you met in a thread is next level

https://voca.ro/11HsNpm19fTb
moesite

>>81772187
this is the last thing ill reply to
thank you for the sweet words anon
my discord is posted above if youd like to talk

>>81770812 (OP)
who's the character in that pic? Looks cute, although iphone filenames should be killed.

>>81772631
jack frost from SMT if he transitioned and became a human

>>81772631
digital witch mayura

>>81772657
It says on the wiki she's a 'ghost' which seems to be a 2D girl that roams your desktop and reads your mails for you. That's pretty fucking cool, I wonder if it would work on linux.

>>81771592
If they are your partner then they genuinely want you to improve because they love you

>>81771630
Sometimes it takes recognizing that it's worth putting off the immediate payoff for the thing that comes later or recognizing that the thing doesn't have to come later and that the distance is self-imposed. For instance long distance relationships. Some will cheat or leave who they love because someone else's is close in proximity in that exact moment and they say it's a physical thing. But a plane trip is only an hour or two and the distance is easy to deal with for someone you love.

If there is ever an issue, don't relate distance. That is not how you fix issues and only leads to heightened anxiety that blows things out of proportion increase distortions in perception and distrust. Bite the bullet and be honest. Something that seems big can be dealt with immediately and you'll be surprised to find that it's actually very small especially considering that it's not the issue of the thing that matters to your partner, You matter more than that thing ever could and your partner would be willing to toss anything else out just to make sure you are okay and happy.

>>81770812 (OP)
>i posted my face on agatha and i immediately got told to show my asshole
lol classic

>>81772751
you can only tell if youre in a ltr
>>81772801
>But a plane trip is only an hour or two and the distance is easy to deal with for someone you love.
if youre in college this is really hard to do due to lack of money

>>81772847
With dismissive aboidant and anxious avoidant you will never make it to a long term relationship.

I agree that it's difficult to find someone you can trust who loves you and is capable to heal their partner.

It's something I would do for the person I love.

>>81772847
I went to college and it was not difficult to prioritize saving a couple 100 for the one you love. At this age I'd just pay for her flight out.

>>81770812 (OP)
what's agatha nona