Why am I so cruel? I deserve death. I ran away from my family and I've been ignoring my mom. I'm really sorry mom. I am so stupid. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

>>81785224 (OP)
why did you run away anon? i was thinking about doing something similar as well

>>81785235
My mom wanted me to go to college. I did not want her to choose a life for me. It felt suffocating. I hate my narcissistic step dad, my annoying step family, everything.

>>81785246
where are you living i mean are you renting I'm guessing you have a job

>>81785246
tell this to your mom

>>81785255
Yes, I am employed. But I am pretty much exhausted of my money. I don't have anyone else to blame but me. I can't wait to die.

>>81785275
don't say that anon people like you don't deserve death ur just sad/guilty which is fine, like another anon said tell your mom everything if she doesn't forgive you just move on you can't do much else but if she does don't leave her again

>>81785295
I don't deserve your kindness. I'm an evil person.
>>81785268
I'm sorry I don't have the heart to tell her anything. I just want to disappear without causing any problems. It's easier to vent out here than to fix any of my problems.

I've already posted so many things in the past. I'm on joining something in the future, but I'm afraid what I want to do in the current moment will prevent me from being able to do so.

>>81785275
damn would you really rather die than get whatever degree your step dad wants

>>81785320
I wanted to get married and be happy. There's no reason to get a degree and waste my time. It probably sounds silly to others but it made perfect sense to me.

>>81785317
please anon at least try calling her it doesn't have to be face to face, please don't do something stupid to yourself just stay calm drink some water and think about it

>>81785334
whats stopping you from marrying though
>I don't deserve your kindness. I'm an evil person.
you can't be that anon

>>81785338
I don't think I have the heart to call her. I am ashamed. I would maybe text her. I don't know. She is on vacation now, I don't want to bother her.
>>81785344
I don't want to larp as an innocent female, I am not. I self sabotage and have jurt people in the past. I don't think I am worthy of a relationship. The only thing I imagine myself doing is using my hobbies as a cope. I have abandoned and betrayed myself for nothing. I have destroyed my religiosity in the process. I have nothing. I'm an empty shell of a person.

>>81785224 (OP)
If you have toxic parents you are supposed to go no contact

>>81785379
>I don't want to larp as an innocent female, I am not.
yeah neither am i, i hurt people too but our past mistakes do not define us.
>I self sabotage and have jurt people in the past. I don't think I am worthy of a relationship.
I think as long as you are self reflecting and improving you are worthy of one. you could make a guy extremely happy out there if you self-reflect and genuinely love him. Probably nothing more valuable than that
>I have destroyed my religiosity in the process.
oh kek you atheist now? yeah welcome to the club it fucking sucks you learn to cope eventually
>I'm an empty shell of a person.
but why you think that tho

>>81785224 (OP)
Your mom will forgive you once you call her. This is nothing compared to carrying you in her womb for 9 months, so just call her when you feel ready.
As for your prior and current housing situation, I guess what's most important is to make up your mind (keep living like you do now, join the thing you wanted to join, go back home or find a college dorm).
You're probably still young, you have the chance to go to college, to try out different jobs, to make memories, to find meaning and to look for a partner you can share your life with.
It's not easy to change, but it's never too late.
You always have this board, even if all seems lost

>>81785385
I cut off contact with my step dad, but I still have my messenger account. I'm just not replying to anyone.
I'm not an atheist. I believe in God yet I don't follow His commandments. I'm thr worst person. I am probably going to hell, I kind of accept it because it's my actions that will lead me there. Being self aware yet being this miserable makes me even more pathetic. I'm an empty shell of a person because I don't live for anyone or anything. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just alive and existing for no reason. I wish I didn't believe in God sometimes because I wouldn't believe in objective morality.

>>81785477
Mourn your own death and you will have little use for "god"

>>81785379
anon, where do you live? I need a roomate and house sitter (I travel a lot)

>>81785516
I live in MD

>>81785519
wait are you the baltimore cooking femanon?

>>81785516
Though you probably know who I am already, assuming this is who I think this is.

>>81785525
I am. I surprised you recognise me. I doompost a lot. I am such a miserable person.

>>81785477
nigga you should take some shrooms and chill for a bit. you seem very self aware which is good but you lack the strength to make any significant changes

>>81785553
idk kinda wish could be there listening to you vent while you drink beer and smoke pot you need something or someone take the edge off you

>>81785553
I have only tried weed. It only made my appetite increase. But thank you, anon. I'm just so sick of wage slaving. I'm sick of everything. I won't ever be loved. I won't ever let myself be loved. I'm too retarded. I'm sick of my job and I just started. I keep getting nitpicked at what I do wrong. I'm too sensitive. I can't handle people. I overthink what they think of me based on the tone of their voice and spiral. Why am I alive? I don't know. It's like I am just suffering. I feel like I am just a person that people don't want to deal with.

>>81785624
> I'm just so sick of wage slaving
oh i feel you on that oof. do you think wage slaving is better than whatever your step-dad has planned for you to study in college?
>I won't ever let myself be loved.
Don't do that you retard
> I'm too retarded
Yes

>>81785679
It's my mom. I think it would be worse because I would have to work and go to college. She wanted me to be a nurse. I don't want to take care of old people. I don't think that profession is for me. I'm making myself more undesirable day by day by hurting myself. Thank you for replying to my dumb thread. I don't deserve any kindness really.

>>81785698
>She wanted me to be a nurse.
oof nursing is a really tough job. if you dont got a vocation for it youre gonna end up overworked and miserable. at least the pay is good
>I don't want to take care of old people
not how it works desu maybe try looking more into a nurse's routine its not what the movies make you think its a very diverse area
>I don't deserve any kindness really.
aaaaaaaaaaah if you really think that way take my kindness and give it to someone else tenfold
if you think you don't deserve kindness then spread kindness

>>81785741
I feel more at peace now. I restructuring my mind into accepting that loss is a beautiful thing. Suffering is the catalyst for growth and a way to appreciate happiness. It will all be fine, I think. Probably not according to my wants, but according to what God wills. Thank you, anon. Taking a step back helped. I'm going to quit this job. It's not worth it being degraded for $15 an hour pretax.