I sit here night after night, drinking the same garbage, staring at the same screen, hoping for something different. I used to have dreams, or at least I thought I did. Now it's just noise. Anime girls on the wall, green cans on the desk, and the hum of a fan I haven't cleaned in months.

When did we all just... stop? I see your posts and it's like we're all ghosts haunting this place.

Do any of you actually believe there's still something waiting for us out there? Or is this an endless loop of pretending not to care that we do?

Be honest.

>>81795220 (OP)
Things feel real, I'm just sick of the trash that gets posted here but I don't have anywhere else to go except maybe discord which you can't spend all day on.
A good thing happened to me recently so I'm willing to keep going.

I smoked weed once in 2014 and literally nothing has felt real since

I can easily make it feel real but most feelings are negative.
When I try to experience life I'm overwhelmed.

>>81795220 (OP)
i have always been alone and i have always enjoyed my solitude. i read anons posts about being sad or missing something or having dreams of doing something else, but i dont really have dreams or picture myself doing something else than what i am already doing. at one point its like something just descended down over my head and i have been incapable of affect or reacting to my circumstances since. i think i pretty much just became schizoid out of necessity during my teens and never really came back after that. i keep thinking that some sense of regret or sadness will come one day but it never does, that part of my brain just shut down

i wonder how many full rotations my box fan i run 24/7 to drown out the world has completed in its life

I feel like a loser. It's embarrassing.

Enough happens with communication and guidance during my day that I have faith and hope when I really shouldn't have any

>>81795220 (OP)
The only thing there's for me in this world is life and for a while, I've had that mentality before things stopped feeling real, but they still feel real, just different

>>81795220 (OP)
i am a dead person, i have been for years. this period of my "life" is just a self-mourning period before i depart for whatever happens next, idk what is next but it doesnt matter anymore. my loose connection to life isnt going to last much longer

>>81795220 (OP)
Ever since I moved I've felt that instead of living, I've been existing. All I do is work and have been working for the past 6 years. I try to go out but to no avail and I end up hiding in my room

I am still stuck at the teenage level mindset despite being 32.

Drinking does nothing anymore. I just exist

>>81795422
Well, anon, assuming we're dealing with one of those ubiquitous 20" Lasko box fans, we would have to find the RPM of its motor. As the RPM is not listed on any part of the Lasko website, nor anywhere else on the internet, given that most fans are measured in CFM (cubic feet/min), this will be are largest hurdle. Fortunately, we know that Lasko box fans use the fairly common "shaded-pole AC motors", which rest at about 1200-1600 RPM. (This part is sketchy, as I admittedly had to ask chatGPT what motor Lasko fans use).

Now, with the hard part over, the rest is simple multiplication. Since you're running this fan 24/7, that puts the rotations at 72,000-96,000 revolutions per hour, 1,728,000-2,304,000 revolutions per day, and 630,720,000-840,960,000 revolutions per year. You can probably get an exact estimate if you have access to an online receipt for the thing, or if you remember when you bought it, but chances are, if it was more than a year ago, your fan has made over one billion full rotations! :D

>>81795220 (OP)
I'm writing this to you as a plea to my future and past self: You may not understand right now, but all of consciousness, time, attention, being, etc, etc. is an infinitesimal fraction of the waveform of reality. We will all experience all aspects of this reality at some point in time, forever, eternally. Time is literally a flat circle, and the "something" of value that is waiting for you is eternity. Luckily there is no "you" - so all you can do is accept that you don't know what wonders or horrors are in store for you and that it will be different, better and worse - than your current state. Read Sean Carroll's "Something Deeply Hidden" for reasons why I'm not just full of pseudoscientific bullshit.

>>81795220 (OP)
>Do any of you actually believe there's still something waiting for us out there?
been painful but i'm slowly starting to accept the answer
plenty of people in the world live out their lives alone

>>81795220 (OP)
For me there is a kind of hope that things will get better

>>81795220 (OP)
>
Do any of you actually believe there's still something waiting for us out there? Or is this an endless loop of pretending not to care that we do?
"If you want something done, do it yourself"
I'm tired of waiting for things to get better, I'm tired of waiting for the right "time", I'm tired of finding the One.

I'm going to make shit better
I'll make my own time
I'll carve out, mold, and sculpt my own One true love

>>81797442
Wow that hits hard. I feel that.

>>81795220 (OP)
i dont think one can ever fully accept this way of life, but what else can i do accept tolerate it? I already do enough to sustain myself and my shitty lifestyle, the only thing left to do is keep working until i die. What else?

>>81795220 (OP)
Yeah
A few years ago you would have used a wojak drawn by a real person, with real feeling behind it too