Thread 81805964

Relationship issues.
I still have a lot of unresolved issues, it seems, and I'm starting to get really damn sick of it.

For one, my people-pleasing and conflict-avoiding tendencies. How much longer can I just live a lie, pretending everything is fine when it isn't? What kind of love is it when I'm lying to myself and her just to keep it? I have trust issues from childhood, yes, but I'm older now and I ought to know better.

The resentment that builds up is unhealthy too, and I usually don't express it healthily. Not that building up resentment toward your partner is a good thing in the first place. It's one of those things that shouldn't be happening in the first place.

sounds like you need to be mindbroken into a thing that doesn't think, have anxiety, or insecurities, and then get resculpted into something better by firm, experienched hands

Relationship troubles are brutal. I wish I didn't feel dispair when I'm around people I like.

>>81806165
Kill your- wait, you're a foid?
Woah... kill yourself

>>81806166
Could you describe those feelings of despair? I wonder if we can relate our experiences.
Sometimes, I think I bring the despair upon myself. Sometimes, I think I try too hard, so that that despair exists in the first place. I wonder what it's like being someone who doesn't really care about their partner's feelings? Those people do exist, and I'm not one of them.

>>81806215
friend mio.. how could you be so cruel.. it's good advice.. please

>>81806215
It's a weird feeling of "Wtf do I say? Am I doing this right? This isn't gonna last is it? Why am I here?".

I would crave their attention, but as soon as I got it, I would fall apart

>>81806006
Conflict-avoidance is the worst poison to a relationship possible, all relationships will have conflicts. What matters is that you are all open and honest and sort through them. Not handling them makes them worse or leads to resentment.

>>81806426
No, I prefer to keep my ability to think and question. A massage does sound nice though. But not from you.

>>81806497
>It's a weird feeling of "Wtf do I say? Am I doing this right? This isn't gonna last is it? Why am I here?".
This is exactly how I feel, anon. It's the feeling of not wanting to lose them because of something you did. However, I'm starting to see faking the way I act as manipulative. It's also kind of like lying...
I think when you get their attention, you now have more to lose, so anxiety goes up even further.

>>81806518
Yes!! I agree, but I don't implement this thought in practice. I need to practice honesty even if I'm scared my partner might react badly.
Did you have trouble with conflict avoidance, anon?

>>81806578
>Did you have trouble with conflict avoidance, anon?
The opposite, I am the one who often gets hurt by it. Or have people I care about assume things not true without talking to me and hating me for it.

>>81805964 (OP)
Shitty childhood eh?

>>81806595
That sucks, I'm sorry anon. How do you usually deal with it?

>>81806604
Not the worst, not the best.
Still, I can always be better.

>>81806578
>I think when you get their attention, you now have more to lose, so anxiety goes up even further.
Exactly, you get it.

I know you didn't ask this of me, but I do also struggle with conflict-avoidance tendensies too. I'm too afraid to hurt someone's feelings or cause drama. Coincides with the issue not knowing what to say, worrying that one bad sentence can compromise the whole relationship

>>81806660
>How do you usually deal with it?
Try to get them to tell me what's wrong if I notice them being weird, otherwise there's sadly not much that can be done of no one will tell you anything.

>>81806578
im not talking about being the one to do that to you, silly. i should have been more clear, now i feel bad. i do feel like you'd benefit from some sort of brain-turn-offy therapy though. all the time thinking too many thoughts. simply no good

>>81806006
>>81806144
bruh. that's narcissist and manipulation tendency

>>81806834
i.e. what I mean I see:
>I'm above human nature, I can dehumanize myself for the greater good!
>me being liked is about me posturing enough
>people won't have to work through themselves - I'll just entertain their own bullshit and irresponsibility towards themselves as valid!
>also I'm expecting rewards even though literally everyone would at least unconsciously prefer for me to drop this charade

If there's blame,then it's only in you if you keep the charade up after reading this.

>>81806699
I think everyone has a bit of conflict avoidance in them. It's called tact, keeping the peace, being nice, whatever.
I just that, when it comes to having a partner, resolving the conflict should be more important than keeping the peace. The partner should be able to handle the issue; if not, then maybe the relationship should end.
>one bad sentence can compromise the whole relationship
basically meant that the relationship was past the point of no return already, doesn't it? Is it even worth it to be in a relationship like that... I'm scared of that result too, but I should confront it.

>>81806761
You really have to be slow and gentle with these conflict-avoidant types, don't you. Most people aren't patient enough. That further fuels my fear :^)

>>81806787
>i do feel like you'd benefit from some sort of brain-turn-offy therapy though. all the time thinking too many thoughts.
I don't want some "therapy" of this. I want the person I love to hold me.
However, we can't all get that, so... yeah I agree.
Thanks anon.

>>81806834
>>81806908
I wouldn't call myself a narc, but yes, I keep up a charade to make people like me. I hate it. I think it's like a bad habit at best or a trauma response at worse. Not a sociopath I swear!!
You make some good points in your post. Thanks.

>>81805964 (OP)
How old are you Mio it might not be too late for you

>>81805964 (OP)
How often do you fight each other? What causes the arguments typically?