Are normies completely out of touch when you say you want romantic love and they say you need to love yourself? ffddkkss

It's a catch-22. You can't love yourself if no one is capable of loving you, and no one will love you if you can't love yourself.

The idea of "loving yourself", is so that you don't implode when you do find a relationship. Like how I broke up with someone because I didn't think I was worthy.

>>81806415 (OP)
there are three problems with not loving yourself:

1. if you don't accept who you are and feel either ashamed or resentful, you won't be open or honest with other people as much. Fakeness and being closed off is always an obstacle to love.

2. If you don't see yourself as someone you can love, and you're not willing to change even for yourself, then the people who barely know you will see even less reason to love you, and even if they find a reason (like you are attractive or rich), you won't feel that the love is real or genuine.

3. If you don't see yourself as someone who can be loved, you'll do this stupid feedback loop of only looking for things that make you less relatable and more of a victim. You end up in narcissism territory where you never "do anything wrong" while doing everything wrong.

>Nobody ever shows you any positivity or love, no matter what you do
>With time give up and agree with everyone because clearly something must be wrong with you and you're some unlovable freak
>But bro... you'd be like, loved by others, if you just loved yourself
I want them to shut the fuck up.

>>81806742
>bro i want them to change how they talk to me
>but uhhhhhhhhhh i wont change anything because reasons
let me guess, are you single?

>>81806780
>let me guess, are you single?
Wow, what gave it away, genius?

>>81806415 (OP)
It's just one of those "shut up and let me enjoy my just world fallacy in peace, incel!" things they say to try to get you to go away busying yourself with something that won't help. Much like blaming your personality.

>if you want love from others, you have to love yourself
>but if you love yourself, you don't even have to bother with other people at all, you can just be happy in complete isolation
Isn't it contradictory?

>>81806874
>Wow, what gave it away, genius
Because you chose a lifestyle that almost guarantees you remain single.

>>81806897
How is it contradictory at all? The steps between you and finding a fulfilling relationship with someone else often require you to love yourself first, grow a sense of independence and discipline, and build relationships with other people on top of that. It doesn't mean you suddenly lose the motivation to have love from others. That's like saying it's a contradiction that you need to buy/rent/borrow a car before you drive a car.

>>81806960
Except if I already love myself, why would I need or want to spend time with someone else? I would be completely self sufficient.

>>81807101
Would you? When I learned to love myself, I was actually far more open to spending time with girls, because I was still attracted to them. Many such cases.

>>81806415 (OP)
Normies have had girlfriends since they were in elementary school, they literally cannot even conceptualize the idea of loneliness.

I have no idea how I can even begin to love myself. I see myself with such disgust that I am disgusted even by people who are friendly to me, because to be friendly towards such human filth you need to be filthy as well.

>>81807126
Well, I'm a weird nerd. I'm not saying that in a derogatory fashion, but loving myself would just mean living my normal life easier, which means very little human interaction.

>>81806415 (OP)
no, I don't think it's out of touch, but let me justify that:
it's basic monkey social-hierarchy pecking order stuff
if you're a sad sack of shit, constantly sympathy-baiting, asking for reassurance, you're placing yourself at the bottom of the hierarchy
that's not attractive; nobody wants to mate with somebody who views themself as low quality -- why would they?

everyone needs reassurances to an extent -- just not to the extent I'm talking about it here -- and too much is annoying from a woman, but absolutely heinous and unacceptable from a man, given your biological role

you come across like a whiny, angsty, teenage girl, and nobody is going to love you, because you're insufferable
what's out of touch about that? it should be obvious
yeah, you're a wounded and traumatised puppy, fine, but that's not my problem -- you're not such a diamond in the rough that I'm going to waste my time trying to fix you
if you can't find something to love about yourself, I'm just going to assume that's because there's nothing there worth loving, and if I have any sense, I'm going to cut my losses and run, and find somebody who isn't a decade-long rehabilitation project

you don't have to be perfect, and too much self-love is bad too
but fix yourself up as best you can before you attempt to lure me in, that's all it is
if you can find anything good, why should I waste my time digging through your mental detritus?

>>81809044
Real as hell anon i once was lonely but only found love when i dedicated years of time to improve my moods, heal from trauma, take care of all aspects of health, and succeed at my academic and financial goals. If you arent doing those things at the bare minum and loving yourself you wont attract people, it's very easy to tell when someone is dissatisified with themselves and if they arent why should you be. Only a rare type of person wants someone whos emo and not all put together

>>81806463
How do you explain drug addicts and abusers with partners then?

it's just something people say to shut you up. it means nothing. women will date losers to make their life seem more stable. it all is so trite it's not worth even dwelling on.

>>81806931
>chose

>>81807126
Peak gaslighting. You retard.

>>81806463
even in loving yourself, you have to put limits
people want to feel wanted, and sometimes that implies they *want* your faults too - and maybe in their minds, they want to be the one to "fix" you

too little love, you end up a wreck
too much love, you end up feeling suffocated
the balance is a fine line

>>81809044
>>81809309
normies fucking get out

>>81810407
>>81809044
>>81809309
this interaction is basically pic related lol

>>81810436
see >>81810356 or fuck off