I find it difficult today to not lose myself to being a coomer. I have no friends or anyone else to talk about and vidya has been a chore to play recently. I know it's bad for me and kills me slowly when I indulge, but I have nothing else. I've been cleaned the past 2-3 weeks for reference. I don't care about nofap or whatever, I simply want to be better. This is a blog post, fuck you.

>>81812378 (OP)
Yeah I feel yah. I have a lot of fucked up fetishes. I guess I should stop masturbating all together but it's not like I'm actually hurting anyone and there's no way I could actually get to have sex so my only sexual outlet is masturbation. Wish I wasn't such a freak

>>81812378 (OP)
I've been fapping at least once a day for the last 11 years. I look younger than I am, I'm healthy and slim, I'm still full of energy, I have a job and I'm mostly happy with my life. If I had a gf, I'd expect her to fuck me every day.
I don't understand nofap or feeling bad for "indulging". If you have a high libido, just do it as much as you feel you need to. Masturbation has a ton of health benefits (which is apparent on my health after 11yrs of it) and not many downsides. I've been told that if I get a gf, I might find the sex to be underwhelming. But my chances of finally getting a gf at 30 are almost non-existent, especially since I don't even try and don't even enjoy interacting with women. So if I'm actually having more fun on my own without the risk, effort and spending of having a gf, that's another upside for me. I've also been told some bullshit about frying my dopamine receptors, but I feel my orgasms are only getting better as I age and get to better know what I enjoy fapping to.

>>81812406
how badly are you fucked?

>>81812378 (OP)
Longest I could go was 4 days

>>81812447
Same. Although I visit escorts once in a while (best memories I have of interacting with women btw, even if it is fabricated at the end of the day)

>>81812467
I'm really into rape. Hearing women cry turns me on. That's definitely the most fucked up thing about me.

>>81812478
I might try escorts at some point just so I don't die a virgin, but I'm very scared about STDs. Maybe I'll just pay more to fuck an escort who's been tested to be clean. Otherwise I just couldn't relax knowing I'm trading an hour of fun to maybe HPV-triggered throat cancer down the line. I know people who went to escorts and pretty much all of them had some "symptoms" afterwards.

>>81812447
To me it feel like a drug, filling in the emptiness in my head and soul, but it always leave me dealing with the withdrawal afterwards if that makes sense
>>81812470
best for me is 3 months

>>81812490
Rape is one of the most common fetish among women

>>81812550
I don't feel good about it, anon. I wish I could be any other way that I am.

>>81812533
I get it, but drugs are usually bad for your health. When i think drugs I think alcohol and cigarettes and both damage your health. Fapping has been proven to strengthen your immune system and your cardiovascular health. To me it's a win / win as I'm doing something enjoyable while also making myself healthier, unlike drinking and smoking which are enjoyable but bad for me.
>filling in the emptiness in my head and soul
I'm just very introverted and scared to approach women. And most women my age wouldn't want to fuck me every day and would instead want marriage and kids, both of which I never want. And I have no way of meeting women in the 18-24 range who are still youthful and fun.
The reality is that I either fap to make my life better and have that void filled, or that void stays there unfilled and I become sadder and less youthful. So I'm gonna stick to cooming.

>>81812603
I wish I had your mental fortitude.

>>81812667
I'm just high IQ and potentially schizoid and very selfish with my time and money. Of course that with those attributes, most of what normies chase starts to look annoying, difficult and pointless to me. Life seems pretty bothersome and complicated as it is, so I'm basically chasing minimalism, hedonism and freedom. I also really don't care what others think of me and feel no need to follow the normies. It does mean I end up having few friends and no prospects of a relationship, but being schizoid, I see plenty of upsides to that. Most of the times, I just want to be left alone with my hobbies, procrastination and fapping.
I don't know what made me like this but my parents are also fairly introverted and so I wasn't socialized much while growing up. My fear of women is probably a result of that, since I've only ever had male friends. But after speaking to enough normies who have gfs and wives, I don't really see any reason to fight that fear. Seems like that fear makes sense and is protecting me from emotional/financial hardship.

I fapped yesterday after going through a week without it just because I didn't felt like it and now I wish to never fap again
I'm so tired of watching porn and being constantly reminded of what I cannot have
Like all these years off blowing loads and not a single one of them landed in a pussy
I think it's only possible for me to continue fapping if I develop some kind of cuck fetish
I just wish I coud kill of my libido entirely, it's all so tiresome

>>81812753
too normie to be schizo, too schizo to be normie It fucking sucks. I sometimes get jealous of those ultra gooners. To be free like that, unbothered by anything or anyone and just giving themselves up. There's peace and that.

>>81812776
I 100% feel you on this. it makes me so angry at myself, at them, at everything. It's like throwing coals in a fire and then I feel guilty for having these feelings and reinforced how unlovable and fucked I am and the cycle repeat.

>>81812791
It is peaceful but even I needed some years to get fully comfortable with it. When I was younger, the obvious fact that I'm not like everyone else bothered me a bit, until I realized I'm happy with the way I am and I seem to be doing better than most. I'm also not a full-on schizo as I still have activities that bring me joy, like fapping and video games.
Now at my office job I see normies raging at any sort of small problem and being bothered by coworkers who speak too much. By comparison I'm a bit like a rock. I only very rarely get angry and I can dissociate to the point where I completely ignore the people talking around me. I tend to have the same mood every day and I just carry on with whatever I have to do as quickly and skillfully as I can, so I can then relax and not be bothered by my manager. But I kinda hate being there so I'm saving and investing to retire early, which looks very achievable right now.

>>81812857
I need ego death and I need it NOW