>>81825127>mojoDunno if I ever really had any.
I let some evil women have their way with me by being a passive coward. Even in my peak pussysmashing days of late teenagerhood, they always came to me. Being tall thin and not ugly helped. So did bring having friends across lots of different groups. When I tried being serious in my 20s all I had known was to try to please so i put up with insane bullshit until the last one fucked me up bad enough to swear women off altogether.
Given all I hear about the current state of dating I'm sure I'd have a hard time if I went out and tried because I became a bitter neet in his 30s. I relied on the friendgroups present in school, and without that social capital all that's left is the passive coward now broken by bad times and missing the libido and naivety of youth
The only time I had to chase someone she was the one that got away, picrel. She invited me to stay the night at her house TWICE and I still fumbled because I was so caught up in trying to "do it (start a relationship) the 'right way'", and the perception of only wanting her for her body or whatever. The first time we just spooned in our underwear watching The Fall(2006), the second time I, the first and only time I ever did this, asked her if I could kiss her instead of just going for it. I must have reeked of desperation and gave her the ick bc that was really the last time she showed any interest.
Also the first girl I ever loved OD'd like a decade ago. We had been broken up for years but actually remained friends, the sole exception, which I have never been able to replicate. Hearts never been the same since.
Sorry for the blogpost