does cham or anyone who's friends with her still browse this place? could someone get me in contact with her?

>>81832237 (OP)
cham deez nuts

>>81832291
NOOOOOOOOOO this can't be happening

Sorry bro she's moved on.
I'm sorry to be the one who had to tell you this.
>HANG ON CHAM I'M TALKING TO AN ANON, I'LL BE IN IN A SECOND
Anyway I have to go, have a good one buddy.

>>81832539
this made me chuckle, but i don't wanna date her. i wanna be her friend. she's probably the only person who ever genuinely cared about me in my entire life. and even if she hates me now, i still wanna try to reach out and try to repay her for all the times she did care.

>>81832575
You seem wholesome so let me give you an honest reply.
>NOT NOW CHAM I'M HELPING ANON JEEZ
If you want to pay her back, then respect the choice she made. If she ghosted you or otherwise cut contact, then she probably had a reason for it, even if it's a dumb stupid reason like self loathing or anxiety or whatever.
You attempting to force your way back into her social sphere would likely cause her distress.
In other words, she's choosing that "silence" and "no contact" is what she wants, over any money or advice or listening to her bawling about some chad breaking up with her or whatever.

Your desire to "repay" her, is something done to assuage your own ego. You "repaying" her is, in other words, something you want to do for your own sake. If you wanted to do what she wanted, you would accept the cut off of the relationship. Understand?

>>81832609
i just wanted to talk to her one more time. it's actually been 5 years since we last spoke. so it's probably silly of me to assume that she, or anyone she's friends with, even browses this place anymore. i just feel like i'm going to die soon and i wanted to speak to her one more time before i go.

>>81832575
>feeling vulnerable and isolated
>becoming friends with one of the more known women on this board
There are less destructive ways to cope with feelings of emptiness, like forming a heroin addiction, or driving a spike through each one of your testicles and twisting it.

>>81832657
well, as i said, it's been more than 5 years since we first met. i don't think she was well known at the time, or if she was, i never noticed her on the board ever. thinking back on it, she was a good friend who always tried to help me, but i was stuck-up at the time and never listened to her. i've been completely alone and isolated ever since and i feel my mind slipping more and more every day. i'm going to die soon, but i want to bring some closure to both myself and her at least.

>>81832685
I mean I remember her and I barely even used 4chan around the time she was active and I was not an /r9k/ user unless /b/ was 90%+ porn and /pol/ was 100% twitter screencaps and retardation so I mean i guess I used r9k a good % of the time but still.

First, why do you think you're going to die soon? Suicide? A sixth sense? Illness?
Why do you think talking to her would bring either of you closure?

>>81832892
>I mean I remember her and I barely even used 4chan around the time she was active
it's also worth mentioning that there was another "cham" before her, and she just took her name because she was always just that good at opsec.
>First, why do you think you're going to die soon? Suicide? A sixth sense? Illness?
suicide. as i said, i can feel my mind slipping more and more by the day because of countless years of isolation. and at this point i don't see a way for things to ever get better. if i keep living, i'm just going to completely schizo, even more so than i am now, and i just don't see that as being worth it.
>Why do you think talking to her would bring either of you closure?
i'm a completely different person than the one she knew 5 years ago. i mostly want to tell her that she was right about everything she ever said to me. and that there wasn't a single day when i didn't regret hurting her and throwing all her kindness and compassion away. on some days, it would be all i could think about. i'm posting pics of characters i remember she liked, so that if she ever sees this, she knows i have no ill intent.

>>81833012
Distinct possibility. I'm fairly apathetic and I rarely pay attention, could have been a different cham or also just someone talking about her elsewhere and me misremembering.
Idk, I barely remember what I did the week before.

That sucks dude. I'm not going to bother trying to talk you out of it. There is definately a point in a schizophrenics journey where suicide is a completely valid option and if that's where you're at I wish you luck in the next life friend.

Huh... That actually kinda hurt to read. I've been there and done that, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. Whatever damage is done and apologizing won't undo it. It's been half a decade, odds are she had time to process it and if you two were as close as you say than you know that getting back into contact would only rip open all of her old wounds that have long since healed to the best of their abilities. And I mean, Jesus, if she hasn't completely moved on from you, and she'd be receptive to talking to you how the fuck do you think it would make her feel to know you're going to end your own life?
It's ok Anon, sometimes it's just better to leave buried love where it is.

>>81832685
>but i want to bring some closure to both myself and her at least.
You're presuming she's lacking closure.
Idk why you're going to die, be it sudoku or something else, but try to hang on as long as you can.
The older you die the more points you get to spend on the next life.

>>81833012
If you're actually schizophrenic, then look into vitamin B3 supplementation. The adage is "3g of B3". Many schizos have diminished capability of B3 processing and massive supplementing is able to help them out quite a bit. May as well try it before you off yourself eh? Do bulk niacin or nicotinamide or whatever B3 was, I forget. Like, 1lb or 5lb or something bags, you can get it off ebay usually. Maybe amazon.
Won't help the social isolation at all, but then again I'm lost there too.
That's about it for me for the thread; ANON SIGNING OFF.

>>81833122
i just want to at least give her closure in knowing she was right about everything. i don't know what else to do. that's the only thing on my bucket list. i don't have any friends, any family, anything else. she was the only person in my life who was ever genuinely kind to me and tried to help me. and i threw it all away because i was immature and arrogant. i just don't feel anything anymore. i'm going crazier and crazier every day. even right now i'm doing my best to make this schizo babble seem coherent before i lose myself again.
>>81833172
i don't see the point in getting any older than this. i'm empty. i don't have anything. if she looks at this thread, i want her to at least feel a little bit of happiness knowing i got the punishment i deserved for hurting her.

>>81833237
Well, you did all you could man. If we see her we'll show her this thread in the archive. I'm sure she knows, and I don't know how much comfort that would truly bring her anyway.
Good luck with whatever you do next man.

>>81833290
if she sees this, i want her to know that i'll cut myself for her as much as she wants, anywhere she wants. i don't care what happens to my body anymore. she can use my body for her own entertainment and do whatever to it before i die.

i'm so alone, i don't know what to do anymore