Had sex with a person for like a month and it was the best part of my life insofar. I was truly happy for a while. Now that it has ended (both recognized it wouldn't work) and now that I know that I won't have anything else like that for the rest of my pathethic existence (balding hard now, it's over), idk, I don't have motivation for doing anything, i'm depressed I guess, it's all so shallow now. I just don't see any point in spending the rest of my life alone, though I don't want to kill myself yet (don't know why, when I think about it rationally, sometimes it's the most logical thing to do).
I don't even want sex, I just want to feel love and intimacy with another person, sharing life experiences, but not in a boomer way of sharing a household and dividing tasks like a family, no, I mean loving in that juvenile messy way that is more similar to a friendship, idk how to express it, the kind of teenage love that I missed, that is what I want most in life, a lover and a friend, spending time with a person I truly appreciate. That is what I want most. That is what made me so happy.

>>81898952 (OP)
Why couldn't you work it out with her?

>>81898968
It's a male, actually. He told me he was aromantic and he truly couldn't love anyone, just wanted sex, he assured me it was not my fault it didn't work. I considered the possibility that he was lying to me and maybe he was cheating and just didn't like me, but yeah, it's unlikely, I know him. He said he was sorry but I forgive him, I'll always love him in my hearth. Idk or maybe he was just lying and that was just an excuse, it's possible I guess.
But that's all in the past now. At least I learned a lot, about me, what I want in life, and about relationships I guess.

>>81899043
I just don't know how to get motivation for anything anymore.