>>81929476 (OP)At this point partially yes
I'll try to summarize the blogpost
Got raped when I was a pre-teen so been mortified of being around men since until the past couple years been in an online space with men
Became slowly more and more comfortable around them until one day I had a horrible experience IRL and one was compassionate and genuinely kind to me, I fell in love with him but he just got out of a relationship and wasn't ready to date again.
Slowly I've become more and more open and comfortable around men but I'm realizing that if any guy is gentle and kind to me then I immediately fall in love with them.
Four failed attempts due to circumstances later (One was severely emotionally abusive and mentally unwell, one was trying to use me to cheat on his girlfriend, one had no time to see someone, and the last one was way too soon out of a relationship), it would be really nice to be able to use the term 'boyfriend' for the first time in my life.