Thread 81962757 - /r9k/ [Archived: 155 hours ago]

Anonymous
7/26/2025, 1:38:09 AM No.81962757
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md5: 22194eacde810801cd4a4cb0c7c6a1d1🔍
My mum is about to be sanctioned to a mental institution unless I take her home & look after her.
She isn't herself, her mind isn't hers, she's not there anymore, she can barely get a word out, her brain has simply gone.
Do I leave her to rot in an institute or bring her home??
She's a nasty person even on a good day and it'd likely mean I have to give up my house and live with her. What would you do?
Replies: >>81963047 >>81963085 >>81964089
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 1:39:49 AM No.81962768
throw my life away cause she's my momma and she'd have done the same for me
Replies: >>81962798 >>81962824
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 1:44:07 AM No.81962798
>her brain is simply gone
>she's a nasty person on a good day
>I'd have to sacrifice my living situation to accommodate her
Sounds like the answer is send her to an institute unless she used to be an actually decent person at one point.
I'd agree with this anon >>81962768 normally, but I don't know what your mom was like. I'd give up my living situation to help my mother, but that's because she's always been there for me when I needed help. If your mother has always been a cunt and is now just a cunt with a rotted brain, then fuck it.
And as a slightly more cynical take, if her brain truly is gone, then it sort of doesn't matter anyway.
Replies: >>81962858
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 1:47:29 AM No.81962824
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>>81962768
Well this is why I can't sleep. I've only just been told 4 hours ago. She's been in 3 hospital wards & the doctors/ nurses can't figure out what's wrong with her only that she simply isn't there.
I want to bring her home but don't want to regret it and end up resenting her nor begin to hate her because she's horrible to me most of the time, but then again if she goes to the nut house they'll use her like a lab rat with all their trial drugs knowing they can't damage her brain anymore than she's already fucked.. They said I would be able to bring her home after 28 days there so that would give them some time to see what the issues are but I'm afraid they'll not allow her to leave once committed, so essentially I'll have sent her there to die but she might die at home from starvation because she won't eat nor will she sleep and I don't have drugs to sedate her to do these things
Replies: >>81962884
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 1:51:17 AM No.81962858
>>81962798
Yeah I spoke to her for an hour before and she barely said 3 words. She was very nasty to me my entire life but I still love her and want to care for her but she'll be a vegetable just sat there with the occasional insults. I'm not trained in forcing people to eat n wash n all that.
I sat with her on Monday for 12 hours she wouldn't drink, eat, sleep, use the bathroom just sat there mumbling to herself and saying weird things like the police are coming to take her abroad and the house she's in isn't hers
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 1:54:32 AM No.81962884
>>81962824
your mom's freedom is at stake. go on and fucking resent her, better you than some bitter wagie.
Replies: >>81963009
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:08:48 AM No.81963009
>>81962884
She wouldn't have any freedom at home either, she was found wandering around all night, didn't even know what she was doing.
My landlord is coming with a new 1 year tenancy next week so I really need to make a choice now.
I was thinking I could try it for a few weeks n see how things go, maybe ask the landlord to up the rent like she wants to buy hold back on the tenancy agreement idk wtf to do.
When I was completely broken, depressed & suicidal living on her driveway in a caravan she wanted me gone, she's turn off the electricity & leave me there in the dark as well as locking the doors so I had to shit in a bag on the floor.
I need to decide probably by tomorrow before they sign all the paperwork n move her
Replies: >>81963063
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:12:41 AM No.81963047
>>81962757 (OP)
my mom and a few other boomers have told me that if they get that way they just want to die even if it means someone else has to kill them
id go to prison to save my mom from suffering and id tell the judge that to their face
Replies: >>81963098
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:15:21 AM No.81963063
>>81963009
then, it's up to you. if the feelings of resentment overwhelm the guilt, then be shameless. if the feelings of guilt and responsibility overwhelm the resentment, then be loving. home prison is different from asylum prison.
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:17:55 AM No.81963085
>>81962757 (OP)
you mean sectioned
Replies: >>81963116
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:19:46 AM No.81963098
>>81963047
I know what you mean. She must be feeling terrible & scared. She still knows who I am so she has some memory but most of her cognitive abilities are gone. I'm thinking about bringing her home because those nurses don't give a fuck about these people and rather her die in the same house her husband / my father died in just 4 weeks ago
I'll might just call the hospital now and tell them to call off sending her to the looney house
Replies: >>81963113
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:22:35 AM No.81963113
>>81963098
the legal (and probably best option) is just let the medical system deal with her how they're gonna deal with her
it sucks but it keeps her safe and keeps u safe
Replies: >>81963130
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:22:45 AM No.81963116
>>81963085
Oh i said sanctioned, you're right.
I've regret sending her to the hospital all week, I'd have to live the rest of my life regretting her being sectioned, it does mean giving up my life too though
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:24:52 AM No.81963130
>>81963113
She has been sectioned before, about 8 years ago she spent a month there but she was fine back then I'm just dreading she'll never come out once she's gone in
Replies: >>81963143
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:25:32 AM No.81963133
It's not your fault.
It's not your responsibility.
You don't owe her anything. You don't owe her your happiness or your will to live.

Don't listen to gaslighting and people trying to perpetuate trauma cycles. This is your chance to finally be free of it.
Replies: >>81963218
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:27:09 AM No.81963143
>>81963130
sounds like shes got a reason to be there desu
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:35:26 AM No.81963218
>>81963133
That's true. I mean in the last 10 years I've lived in this house she's never once come to visit me and the only time she text or call was to complain about dad and she can't do that anymore. She's been good to my other 2 brothers they've had a nice life she never treated them like she treats me yet they're not having this burden placed on them. Fuck man I just don't know. If it was a regular old people's home I'd be fine (she's only 63 btw) but it's a fucking nut house full of wackos... Although when I joked on Monday about her going back there she smiled, almost seemed happy about it
Replies: >>81963335 >>81964103
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 2:47:44 AM No.81963335
>>81963218
This isn't a situation you can get meaningful advice for on r9k because everyone here is mired in trauma patterns and denial.

You are the only one who knows the way you've been treated firsthand. There's nothing that excuses evil behavior, it doesn't matter if she's your mom or unstable or "going through a hard time" she has always had the option to treat you with respect and dignity and it is not meaningless to consider how often she chose to do so.

The option of taking her home exists for children who are NOT estranged from their TOXIC PARENT and WANT to sacrifice their time and mental health for them... or for children who have internalized so much shame and guilt from their abuse that they feel obligated to... but it's an option. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to FEEL like you have to.
Replies: >>81963487
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 3:04:20 AM No.81963487
>>81963335
For the way she treated me I'd say let her rot but I'd much rather her die in the same house as my dad, the house they shared for almost 40 years. Do I sacrifice my life for a vegetable. I'm already depressed, suicidal & filled with anxiety with a drinking problem thrown in for good measure so I already know I can't look after her. I'd have to force her to do everything even take showers all whilst being belittled in the house I was tormented my whole childhood.
My conscience says bring her home but she would get more treatment at the funny farm
Replies: >>81963500
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 3:05:18 AM No.81963500
>>81963487
that's not your conscience that's trauma guilt
Replies: >>81963688
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 3:29:48 AM No.81963688
>>81963500
Yeah I always thought I had Stockholm syndrome because I still love her rather than giving her the hate she deserves. I realised I would have to do all the shopping & she eats all the healthy stuff while I just grab one meal a day like a pizza or w/e
Looking after a child is hard work and this would be like looking after a retarded child and the carers allowance is appalling, barely enough to live on though she would cover the bills so maybe it's not that bad actually.
I think I'm going to bring her home, providing I still can
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 4:17:23 AM No.81964089
>>81962757 (OP)
So momcest thread or what? Also. No child owes his or her abusive parents a fucking thing. If they failed you they deserve to fucking rot alone. And don't give me no *respect you elders* religious bullshit. Did they respect us? Fuck no. I'm patiently waiting for the day I get asked to pull the plug on my fucking parents
Anonymous
7/26/2025, 4:18:56 AM No.81964103
>>81963218
>She's been good to my other 2 brothers they've had a nice life
Are you familiar with the scapegoat role in the narcissist family?