sometimes I put my knife against my throat, one of these days I will kill myself I swear

how are you anons doing?

The sadness persists.

>>82122046 (OP)
I too feel the same dread, my sister and her hatred towards me is making me worse.

>>82122046 (OP)
>sometimes I put my knife against my throat, one of these days I will kill myself I swear
That's Me too every time I see your thread about your old whore gf

>>82121887

>>82122061
it never goes away does it? fuck this life
>>82122075
why does she hate you?
>>82122076
she wasn't a whore, but yeah please kill yourself

>>82122091
Even when I pretended it went away so hard that I believed it went away it didnt go away.
https://youtu.be/vHkX4gNuSOI

>>82122109
if I try to ignore it it just comes back eventually at full force and then I do something stupid

>>82122091
>why does she hate you?
I have a feeling it's because I made a confession to her back in 2019, I know it's fucked but we can't help who we fall in love with. At the time she threatened me with suicide and I needed to make her think that I misspoke and was trying to claim overprotectiveness.
She's 26 now and is in some weird quasi-relationship with her numale boss.
I think she's asexual because she's had numerous advances from many Chad's, leagues beyond me.
Prior to 2019 I did everything in my power to win her over, yet she had shown her true colours when it happened.

>>82122144
maybe they are just not her type, uhh I don't really know anything about falling in love with your sister sorry! is she older or younger than you?

>>82122046 (OP)
I feel like an alien, I must be an alien or I must have brain damage, when I see other people operating I feel like I am in a constant state of confusion, my body does not act in accordance to my mind. If I where to write a suicide note I would have no clue what to even write as it feels that all pain I endure is foreign to anything I can explain with words. I am unsure if this is the cause or a symptom. I just want it to end.

>>82122170
4 years younger, she led a literal Chad on for several years out of college and when he tried to confess to her and kissed her, she claimed he sexually assaulted her and never spoke to him again.

>>82122046 (OP)
What type of knife? Kitchen, combat, utility, field?

>>82122046 (OP)
What is the cause of your suffering?

>>82122191
yeah I get that feeling of being an alien, but if I were to write a suicide note I would blame my parents for everything (because they way I am is their fault after all) and I would make a mess to make sure they are traumatized for life, but that's just me hehe
>>82122200
maybe "chads" aren't her type
>>82122215
kitchen knife, sometimes a razor blade but I recently got rid of those so lately it's just a kitchen knife, would be cool to own a combat knife
>>82122222
just frustrated with life, can't find a job, my parents didn't love me, can't get over my ex all that good stuff

>>82122230
>maybe "chads" aren't her type
I don't know, I've been utterly and totally defeated since 2019.
She must be asexual or something, or maybe the SSRI's have fried her natural feminine urges.

>>82122230
>but if I were to write a suicide note I would blame my parents for everything
I understand your sentiment on a cognitive level, but I can never understand the hate. I say this not as a criticism of you, but as a way of showing my disconnect. I can't even feel hate. I don't understand or relate to my parents. How can I hate something I don't understand. I wish I could hate.

>>82122230
>can't get over my ex
Same post every day with the same pic and the same topic
Namefag avatarposting

>>82122263
maybe we just don't understand women
>>82122268
it's not hate it's resentment because all my issues and they way I am are a direct result of how they raised me or rather how they didn't raise me
>>82122278
I love you too :)

>>82122285
>it's not hate it's resentment
It would appear to me to be similar. Either way I can't feel such emotions.

>>82122293
up until a year or two I didn't feel this way until I realized that they were to blame for my current state, anyway I can't wait to move out of my parent's house

>>82122308
I'd love to be able to afford to move out, just so I can forget about my sister.
I'd break off entirely from her if I could, the pain of this failure haunts me every waking hour of the day.

>>82122337
so I'm guessing you two don't get along anymore?

>>82122352
I can't, she doesn't look me in the eye, she doesn't even hug me, just dodges me and dismisses any conversation I try to hold with a few words on her part.
We are done, there is not one fucking thing I could plausibly do to regain her trust.

>>82122423
that sucks man! you can't even like watch a movie or play a game together? nothing?

>>82122502
Nothing, these past 6 years I have been doing everything to bridge the gap, but she's always dismissive and/or finds some bullshit excuse.
This year she refused to attend my brother's 16th birthday dinner simply because the location was my idea (steakhouse).
My heart weeps for this loss.

>>82122046 (OP)
Knife seems like such a shitty way to go
Painful and almost certain to make you panic and regret your actions due to primordial instinct when it's too late

>>82122535
I'm so sorry about that anon :(
>>82122635
I want to feel something before I go, I remember trying to kill myself that way when I was 7 actually

>>82122651
>I want to feel something before I go
Why?

>>82122691
I don't know, I feel so dead inside I want to feel something before as I die

>>82122046 (OP)
>one of these days I will kill myself I swear
Kingsfield anon I already told you not to do that I'm doing alright. Met a marine off here and we played Grayzone together. I assume, from your post, that things haven't been that great since you left?

>>82122046 (OP)
currently believe that no woman will ever love, and that the only appreciation a woman will have for me will be for whatever assets i might be able to provide, while feigning love. It's a bad feeling. Back to lifting weights I go.

>>82123201
will never love me* typo sorry lolz.
I'll probably not feel this way come tomorrow. but right now, it's really hitting me.

>>82123201
That is the reality, we either are blessed with the good fortune of being perceived as attractive to an attractive woman or cursed to be nothing more than a source of revenue.

>>82123113
>Met a marine off here and we played Grayzone together
that sounds fun!
>I assume, from your post, that things haven't been that great since you left?
no, keep failing at everything still can't get a job, I cut myself again and this times my parents found out and now they're pretending to care about me (took me almost bleeding to death for that haha) I threw away the blades now I'm not doing that again.
>>82123201
yeah I doubt I will ever find a girl that truly loves me, I realize now that my ex was always lying when she said she loved me.

>>82123229
>that sounds fun!
It was a decent time man.

>keep failing at everything still can't get a job
Shit takes time my man. I hate it too but sometimes you really just have to knurl down, despite feeling like nothings going your way. Shit breaks eventually, I promise.

>they're pretending to care about me
I always hated that shit. Wait until you see me almost die to take an interest beyond chastising me for not doing better.

I'm sorry. I know how much that sucks. Hopefully your Ma can at least keep from playing the woe is me game.

>threw away the blades now I'm not doing that again.
Well I'm glad to hear that at least, though I'd appreciate if it hadn't happened in the first place. How much blood did you lose?

>>82123218
but at that point, is THAT even good? Having a girl love me just because i'm pretty? Not for who i am, nor for what I do? Is that any better than being loved for what I have?
>>82123229
Brutal suicide fuel. Fuck man, It's really so over. I don't know how I'm gonna keep pushing forward. I'm really just gonna keep feeling horribly depressed any time after like 9pm, and then decent enough any time before then.
Why can't foids just have reasonable standards, and desire to date men, in the same way that men do?

>>82123329
>Shit takes time my man. I hate it too but sometimes you really just have to knurl down, despite feeling like nothings going your way. Shit breaks eventually, I promise.
at this point I think I'll take any job I'm desperate.
>I always hated that shit. Wait until you see me almost die to take an interest beyond chastising me for not doing better.
oh and get this they already forgot and they are back to not caring about me, they really don't love me I just know they don't
> How much blood did you lose?
quite a bit I was starting to feel all week and shaky and the worse part is that I kept reopening my wound just by moving around, I felt very week for several days actually and I ruined like 3 pairs of jeans that's the part that sucks the most
>>82123361
nah man don't give up you probably have a better chance than I do! at least you are not a pussy that hurts himself like I do.

>>82123449
>they already forgot
Fuck dude. I'm sorry.

>starting to feel all week and shaky
Probably at least a pint, maybe two.

I get how bad you feel man but you gotta quit doing that to yourself.

>ruined like 3 pairs of jeans
That's rough, I love my jeans

>>82123449
it's good that you try to motivate others not to giveu p

>>82124082
I won't do it again seriously, I'm done with that! mostly because it was a hassle to stop the bleeding
>>82124129
I don't care about myself but I do care about my frens

>>82124190
if you care about your frens, and your frens care about you, doesn't that mean that you should avoid hurting yourself, because hurting yourself upsets your frens? :P

>>82124233
fugg! you're right...
does that mean I have to stop doing that?

>>82124190
>mostly because it was a hassle to stop the bleeding
Yeah man, hemorrhages are a pain. Thwt reminds me that I need to get more quick clot...

>don't care about myself but I do care about my frens
Well your friends care about you and it would be pretty upsetting if you were dead

>>82124652
worst part is that I didn't have any bandages so I used a clean sock, that sock is also ruined lol
>Well your friends care about you and it would be pretty upsetting if you were dead
fine I guess I won't kill myself then

>>82122046 (OP)
Broke as fuck.
You know, Timothy McVeigh and Ted K were wrong for doing what they did but I can understand where they were coming from.
If someone had minecrafted the sheriff, I would understand why. Not saying I am going to do it or that someone should do it, but I would get why they would.

>>82124827
yeah I'm pretty broke right now too and I can't find a damn job

>>82124849
Take back what was stolen from you.