Thread 82128365

hey anon! are you alright? whats on your mind? you can vent here a bit if you want. have you cooked something nice lately?

>>82128365 (OP)
hi!! i might steal ur thread if/when u abandon it
>are you alright?
i think ill always be fucked
im forced to exist and seek closeness which is impossible for me
>whats on your mind?
daydreams about bonding way closer with a loose friendship connection i have, imagining having that sweet thought that this is forever, that they wont abandon me, that i dont have to be defensive with my feelings so that i dont look like a weirdo thats getting crushes on every friend
>have you cooked something nice lately?
wanted to but way too lazy. im just eating random shitty ready meals from shop. any ideas u have for something really easy but good? cant promise ill do it but i sure will be stuck thinking over it for a while

>>82128365 (OP)
>are you alright?
no
>whats on your mind?
killing myself
>have you cooked anything nice lately?
if instant noodles count then yes, otherwise no.

>>82128365 (OP)
Good day huanon, i shall hope you are doing much better on this day than yesterday. The weather is much too hot but thats summer. i have not actually ate today but i did make a decent ham and mustard sandwich yesterday. Kind of just waiting for something to finally happen you know, been silent for about a fortnight now but oh well. Good day and good luck to all.

>>82128365 (OP)
Life fucking. I'm bad at everything I do the only thing I have left is death

>>82128365 (OP)
>have you cooked something nice lately
i havent cooked anything in a long time unless frozen white castle sliders you put in the microwave count. my parents make a lot of food for me
>are you alright?
relatively i guess, ive been watching some anime and my sleep schedule is better than usual
>whats on your mind?
idk many many things

Life fucking suck. I'm bad at everything I do the only thing I have left is death

>>82128515
>hi!! i might steal ur thread if/when u abandon it
hello! uhm that's okay as long as you're nice to everyone!
>im forced to exist and seek closeness which is impossible for me
i'm in the same boat... can't say much other than keep trying. you miss every shot you dont take anon.
>daydreams about bonding way closer
ahh, those are such bittersweet daydreams. i have them too. if i may ask, whats keeping your connection with them so loose?
>so that i dont look like a weirdo thats getting crushes
feelings are feelings anon, they're hardly something you can control. try not to feel bad about it! if you happen to like all your friends that much then so be it, it just means you've got a lot of affection to give.
>any ideas u have for something really easy but good?
hmmm... if you have some chicken with you you could cook it in a pan with some oil and spices. all you have to do is heat the oil in the pan, add the chicken in and add spices/herbs like rosemary, thyme, black pepper, garlic powder, and if you like em spicy some paprika too. a little trick is to keep the flame at max for the first minute or so press the chicken down a bit, flip and do the same for the other side, then turn down the heat and let it cook for 8ish minutes whilst stirring the pan and flipping it once in a while. if it starts to burn you can add a little bit of water and keep stirring it until it's cooked! once it's done dont throw away the liquid in the pan cause it tastes super good. pour it on the chicken once its on a plate and done! to check if the chicken is cooked u can cut it in half and if it's pinkish then it means it's not ready yet.
>>82128569
>killing myself
it'll pass soon i hope, but what makes you feel that way?
>instant noodles
you can do better than that anon!
>>82128589
hello! i am feeling way better today yeah. it's sooo hot here aswell... sandwiches are nice.
>waiting for something to finally happen
can't you do something to make it happen instead?

>>82128604
>i havent cooked anything in a long time
lack of motivation or something else? also, what kind of food do your parents make usually? perhaps you could give em a hand next time!
>my sleep schedule is better than usual
that is something to brag about if you ask me. its so hard to keep a decent one... what have you been watching?
>idk many many things
you can start with telling me just one of them if you feel like!
>>82128621
those are your bad feelings speaking anon, i know right now nothing seems good, but this will pass with time. perhaps it will come back later on, but it's not the reality of things. keep trying!

>>82128691
>i am feeling way better today
Good to hear, keep your spirits up and all.
>can't you do something to make it happen instead?
if i were the type of man to do something proactively, i would not have ever set foot here. But alas i am sat here once again. i haven't even actually talked to anyone in person in a while and even when i do i stutter and slur like a character out of a tv show,nevermind having friends to interact with. maybe i ought to find something to do that doesn't require talking, but i am much too idle to bother. You do anything pleasent anon, as i might have to see if i can mimic some of the saner people here for activities.

>>82128365 (OP)
>are you alright?
not quite, but i will be
>whats on your mind?
just a swarm of bad thoughts that showed up all of a sudden, despite me spending time with family
i have a suspicion it could be the music i've been listening to as of late, but you never know
>you can vent here a bit if you want.
no, i don't think i will
just came to deliver a pat on your back and to tell you to keep it up, fren
hope you're already doing better
>have you cooked something nice lately?
i haven't, i learned something new from mom this weekend that i want to cook later, but i haven't given it a try yet

anyway, stay safe out there

>>82128691
>that's okay as long as you're nice to everyone
ow yea ofcc
i just love seeing people talk about themselves, it gets my thoughts off of myself, but i dont dare to make my own threads for that
>you miss every shot you dont take anon
was trying to find a relationship on 4chans but gave up for a while cos it was just a few months of utter failure full of ghosting and shit
>if i may ask, whats keeping your connection with them so loose?
they have someone closer and i couldnt ever find anyone so nice and easy to talk to for hours.. feels like the world is mocking me really
>just means you've got a lot of affection to give
yeah, i guess, but i also get very very jealous and possessive. i dont show most of it but its just constantly there and painful
>if you have some chicken with you
i think i do yeah... now i need to get myself up somehow to check

>>82128365 (OP)
>are you alright?
kinda mellow really rn
>whats on your mind?
I have no idea, maybe the fact one of my coworkers is a bit nosey on wtf I do every weekend despite the fact I don't do anything but paint and build my models.
>have you cooked something nice lately?
Hot dogs that my work sells, asides that boneless chicken wings.

>>82128846
>i would not have ever set foot here
fair, i guess. i know it sounds cheesy but practicing conversation helps lots. if you have someone online you can talk with, it can be a huge help into getting better at conversations. even just typing does a little work. being good at socializing is a skill like most other things, you just gotta keep practicing it anon.
>maybe i ought to find something to do that doesn't require talking
but would you really be happy that way?
>>82128903
>but i will be
that's the spirit!
>just a swarm of bad thoughts that showed up all of a sudden
ah those are so annoying. often happens to me too, but i know you can endure it anon! what kind of music are you listening to?
>hope you're already doing better
thanks, ill give you a pat too!
>i learned something new
what is it?
>>82128965
>i dont dare to make my own threads for that
why not? this board could always use nicer threads
>was trying to find a relationship on 4chans
yeah well those rarely work... keep your chin up anon
>they have someone closer and i couldnt ever find anyone so nice and easy to talk to
haha... just like me fr... i feel the same way. i also get very very jealous and possessive, to the point it physically hurts me when someone i like is talking with someone else. it's not healthy i know, but i cant really help it... so trust me when i say i know how you feel. try your best to keep your thoughts off them, and if you can, cut contacts. i know it hurts, but holding on just hurts wayyyy more in the long run.
>i think i do yeah...
then if you do end up making it tell how it went!
>>82129019
>kinda mellow really rn
mellow is not bad though!
>one of my coworkers is a bit nosey
hm, could it be they're just really interested in you? have you told them about your models?
>asides that boneless chicken wings.
yum. i've only had a hotto doggo once and honestly wasn't the best. i kinda wanna go to america just to try the "real" ones

>>82128691
>it'll pass soon i hope, but what makes you feel that way?
anything and everything, im just bitter and cynical.
>you can do better than that anon!
if that were even remotely true i wouldn't be browsing this board right now and i would have actual friends instead of orbiting the same retard i used to be really good friends with on discord in 2021

>>82129243
>hm, could it be they're just really interested in you? have you told them about your models?
I think he wants to be involved in everyones lives yet is causing problems really. And of course I told him and my other coworkers about my models. I send them pictures of them when they're done too. But the coworker always wants to know what I am doing or "Got anything interesting this weekend?". All I do is stay here in my room locked up in here, building and painting my models. If you wanna know right now I am just about done putting the decals on my Japanese Zero.

>>82129243
>even just typing does a little work
This is suprisingly true and what i am aiming for. I used to be scared to even type a single sentence for some reason Honestly the main reason i use 4chan nowdays is for this as it is somewhere that no one can judge you in the same way, i'd take being called a retarded fag every day over the umms and fake politeness of real life. No one to mouth talk to yet but thats probably for the better for the moment.
>but would you really be happy that way?
To be frank, no. but i am not really sure i ever will be. I will need to acknowledge the elephant eventually, but for now i'd just like a foundation of normallcy before i truly act as i want even if it means ignore my feelings or emotions for a while though even the dam will have to break if i dont get a move on soon.

>>82129291
>anything and everything
i see. do your best to resist the bad thoughts. dont let them win over the good ones!
>if that were even remotely true
but it is true. you don't need to turn into a new person in the span of a day. little steps count. so even just making yourself something slightly better than noodles, is a proof that you can be better. and, unless you're homeless or don't have access to a grocery store, you can go and buy some pasta to cook. or whatever else you'd like. it's not a matter of can or can't its a matter of will. i know it's easier said than done. i know doing the easiest of task can seem like trying to climb a mountain but honestly the worst thing you can do is nothing. try to do better, you've got everything to gain and nothing to lose.
>orbiting the same retard
it's okay if you dont want to talk about it but what made you so attached to this person?
>>82129301
>I think he wants to be involved in everyones lives yet is causing problems really
hm, i see. i've met some overly "friendly" people too, and they can be annoying. though try to keep in mind, he's probably just trying to make friends or be nice. so, if you really don't wanna be friends just answer with some one liner and hope he stops. or just straight up tell him to stop i guess.
>I am just about done putting the decals on my Japanese Zero
niceu! post it if you want
>>82129483
>i'd take being called a retarded fag every day over the umms and fake politeness
heheh i feel the same. i always used to get immense anxiety when just texting people online, it scared me so much. but if it helps you can keep replying to my threads about whatever you want! eventually you can make your own nice threads too
>i'd just like a foundation of normallcy
i understand. i dont think it's inherently bad cause at the end of the day you're still trying. you start with easy stuff and then step by step you get to the more difficult things! just be careful not to get stuck in one place.

>>82129583
>overly "friendly" people too, and they can be annoying. though try to keep in mind, he's probably just trying to make friends or be nice.
The guy is a sociopath, he'll say the weirdest things or say something completely random. He can not "read the room". One morning while leaving to go on route with him. I told him I was hanging out with my IRL friend all weekend. then he says out loud in the truck next to him "You hangout with him too much." Like wtf...?
>niceu! post it if you want
give me a second.

>>82129243
>endure it
that's the only choice i have, after all
life is a sine wave after all, ups and downs
>what kind of music
some grungy rock and other stuff mixed in that i used to listen to when i was heavily bitter and misanthropic
nirvana, system of a down, my chemical romance (ew), blink-182, black sabbath, rob zombie, gorillaz, among other things
i'm gonna go back tot he newer stuff and see if it improves

>ill give you a pat too!
aye thanks, much appreciated
>what is it?
just some potatoes fried along with garlic and onions, after frying some sausage in there
the crust on the bottom of the pan adds such a nice flavor to the potatoes, it's really good
i have an idea but i'll ask for specifics later

>Captcha: KMN2G
>kmnz good? yeah it's pretty good, i should listen again, true

>>82129651
>He can not "read the room"
...maybe he's autistic? in that case if he's that way you should just try to endure his weird moments and be nice. yknow, whenever he does something questionable or annoying just blame it on his autism rather than on his person.
>>82129794
>my chemical romance
>(ew)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN EW?????? THEY'RE GREAT. ALL OF THOSE BANDS YOU LISTED ARE GREAT, why are you ashamed of your music taste anon
>the crust on the bottom of the pan
i think i know what you mean but you should be careful not to eat it if its burnt cause thats really bad for you

>>82129583
>eventually you can make your own nice threads too
highly doubt this shall ever happen, but i imagine i shall return to your threads soon huanon, as you can only read a certain amount of women bad threads till it gets rather boring and repetitive.
>careful not to get stuck in one place.
now that i arguably already have, but i am pulling my feet out of the tar pit at the moment. rather poorly but eh you gotta keep pushing. cant quite roll over and die it'd be a bit too pathetic even for myself. I shall wish you the night and i hope you keep up the good days and stay positive, rather needed these days.

My model planes hanging from the ceiling :s

Why do you act all sweet and kind here and then like an exclusionary, cliquish, judgmental twat elsewhere?

>>82129935
>WHAT DO YOU MEAN EW?????? THEY'RE GREAT.
and edgy, anon... really edgy.
mind you, i agree, they're good but the edge, especially combined with how edgy i used to be back then too, it just becomes a massive cringe factor for me
i've long since grown out of these, but i can't help but enjoy them from time to time
arguably, the stuff i listen to nowadays is even more cringe, but at least they make me happy
one song that stuck to my head recently is "invader" from snail's house

>you should be careful not to eat it if its burnt
nah nothing really gets burnt, it'd take a while of negligence for that to happen and i'm pretty careful in the kitchen often times

>>82130168
is this aimed at a specific anon, or just in general?

>>82130104
>highly doubt this shall ever happen
never say never. besides like you said there's too much garbage here so you'd just be making everyone a favour by not posting hate
>but i am pulling my feet out of the tar pit at the moment
that's great, keep trying! hope you have a goodnight too anon and i hope that perhaps we can both stay positive!
>>82130129
woah, they look rad! you could also add some clouds too around them to make it look even mroe scenic!
>>82130168
where, exactly? and besides, i'm not acting.
>>82130202
>and edgy, anon... really edgy.
so what??? edgy doesn't mean bad. edgy is only bad if someone makes it look bad by being a massive prick. i think most people only think edginess is cringe because everyone else says it is.
>nowadays is even more cringe
how so? you should really stop worrying whether something you like is cringe or not anon. if you like it who cares?
>i'm pretty careful in the kitchen
do you cook often?

i NEED a qt rich white gf!!!!

>>82129935
Idk he has said some very questionable things out loud.
>>82130129
I still have 7 more to build, I do have one more on order but they haven't shipped it yet I was thinking about canceling it and just go to my hobby store and get it there honestly though paying $50 vs $30 off of amazon.

>>82130439
>edgy doesn't mean bad.
>i think most people only think edginess is cringe because everyone else says it is.
if only i gave that much of a fuck about what others think, that might hold some truth to it in my case, lol
i really do find my edge from past years cringe because i overcomplicated things for no reason, to put it very simply
in hindsight a lot of the shit i did is cringe, but for better or worse, i wouldn't have gotten where i am if i didn't do that

>if you like it who cares?
aye, i didn't mean it in an "i should stop" way, more so that i'm being even worse than before but i don't care, i still enjoy it

>do you cook often?
i used to before i moved out, nowadays not as much
by the end of the year i want to go back to that habit though, so i get to eat at home again

>>82130452
and i need a bazillion dollars anon.
>>82130706
>some very questionable things out loud.
could you name some? im curious now
>>82130727
>my edge from past years cringe
aw cmon anon everyone thinks their teen self is cringe. but it doesn't make what you liked cringe! what kind of stuff did you do that makes you think you were cringe?
>i'm being even worse than before but i don't care, i still enjoy it
and thats great!
>so i get to eat at home again
cooking is one of the best skills one can learn imo. what would you usually cook? are there some traditional dishes you know?

>>82131042
>it doesn't make what you liked cringe!
there are just a bit too many memories associated with those, lol
>what kind of stuff did you do
... i'd rather not say, they're cringe for a reason

>what would you usually cook?
simple dishes to get me through the weeks
pasta with ground beef, tomato sauce and bellpeppers, beef stroganoff with worcestershire sauce, mushrooms and white rice, pressure cooked ribs with watercress and potatoes (also with rice), etc.
mom's recipes, although i need to make some of that shrimp risotto with tomato sauce that i used to make, that one is a modified recipe of mine
maybe i will next week

>>82131042
>could you name some? im curious now
Well since I am with him most of the time while on route with him. He has told that he got kicked out of the army around mid 2000s over domestic violence. Could be a false accusation thing too but I don't know I wasn't there let alone its coming from his mouth too.
His brother in law doesn't want him anywhere near his kids because he thinks "something" might happen to them. Whether the brother in law thinks he's going to touch them inappropriately or something worse than that...
I want to say more but it keeps getting weirder or downright disturbing too...

>>82128365 (OP)
Hello OP, how are you?

are you alright?
No actually. I had a binge drinking session last week and it felt like it broke my brain and killed my insides. Something doesn't feel right, but here I am, drinking again.

>whats on your mind?
I feel like I should quit my job but it is the only thing keeping me alive and also it has decent benefits. Also, I'm too unintelligent for anything else. It is a warehouse job and the people there make me work until my clothes are soaked in sweat and I feel like passing out. I've tried contacting union but it only led to further harassment from my supervisor. These days I stay quiet and just do my job. Might buy sodium nitrite soon bros. I can't take it anymore.

> have you cooked something nice lately?
I usually like making breakfast foods in the morning while listening to French jazz.

>>82128365 (OP)
not feeling 2 spicy, but it's okay
I'm moar concernec about u, OP
how r u?

>>82128365 (OP)
Hey anon! I've been feeling very helpless and inadequate. I keep myself alive and try to expose myself to the outside tiny steps at a time because i don't feel strong enough to end my suffering.
I hope you're doing okay and thanks for this thread

>>82131122
>there are just a bit too many memories associated with those, lol
memories are just proof that you've lived
>... i'd rather not say
fine....
>simple dishes
all of the things you listed seem very yummy! i wouldn't call ribs a simple wish also, it's not that easy to cook them properly! i really gotta step up my cooking... if only i had more ingredients to work with.
>>82131166
>he got kicked out of the army around mid 2000s over domestic violence
well uh, thats interesting. why would anyone even tell that to someone...
>he thinks "something" might happen to them.
okay. now this is kind of concerning. this guy is certainly a curious individual. what do you usually answer when he tells you stuff like this?
>it keeps getting weirder or downright disturbing too...
well... you just make more curious anon, but i get it if you prefer not to type what other monstrosities this guy might've done
>>82131180
>Hello OP, how are you?
hi! im doing pretty good!
>it broke my brain and killed my insides
that's awful, what caused it? and why are you drinking now? please be careful with alcohol anon. i know you've heard it a million times before (and i know maybe you don't care about your health...) but it can really ruin you. get some water now if you can! drink that. and we can talk about something!
>>82131180
>I feel like I should quit my job
you should then. if things are these bad it's not worth it. ask your family if they can host you for a while until you find something else. no job is worth losing your mind and life over. do not let them take your life so easily. fight fight! if you really cant quit then work as little as possible.
>I usually like making breakfast foods
what kind? my breakfast is usually composed by juice and a few biscuits. also jazz is lovely!
>>82131236
im good anon, what's up with you though?
>>82131266
hello! good job on being alive! it's nothing to scoff at. keep taking one step at a time and you'll get wherever you wanna be anon. dont give up!

Feeling like killing myself rn

>>82131387
>memories are just proof that you've lived
i agree, but the cringe memories are associated with the music now, so the music makes me cringe by reminding me of those times

>seem very yummy!
they are, mom's recipes are good
>i wouldn't call ribs a simple wish also
are they not?
all i do is chuck them in a pressure cooker with some water, paprika, chopped onions and garlic, and some seasoning (possibly salt if your seasoning doesn't include any), then cook them until they're soft, which is usually 30-40 mins
after that i just let the pressure die down over time and after like 10 mins, i add in the watercress and potato cubes and cook those for another 5-10 mins or until the potatoes are soft enough
all done, eat it with white rice or something
>if only i had more ingredients to work with.
sometimes you don't need a lot to make it happen

>>82131387
>well uh, thats interesting. why would anyone even tell that to someone...
I don't know...I just think he has nothing else to say that's on his mind thats certainly "positive". like I said he's a sociopath. He has that same expression every day on his face, like neutral not happy or sad even though all of us around know he is miserable.
>what do you usually answer when he tells you stuff like this?
I really just nod my head and just listen, hoping he'll stop talking about it. Its bad when I am visibly uncomfortable listening to him talk about those things.
>i get it if you prefer not to type what other monstrosities this guy might've done
its disturbing really that I am working with someone like that. A several months ago he got scammed from a random text from some asian girl in California. He put $300 into an exchange that she "recommended". Locked him out of the account an unable to get the money back that he "needed".
I would say more but idk maybe I'll get monitored or get questioned by law enforcement here an as me "who the fuck is this guy that you work with?"

>>82131438
whats up anon? whats making you feel this way?
>>82131554
>so the music makes me cringe
eh i guess that makes sense
>are they not?
i guess from how you described the recipe they're not, i guess i just have a prejudice against meats being hard to cook
>sometimes you don't need a lot to make it happen
i mean yeah, maybe im just not creative enough.
>>82131687
>nothing else to say that's on his mind thats certainly "positive"
i mean... poor guy i guess. i hope he gets his shit together eventually.
>I really just nod my head and just listen
does he do this with other coworkers too? also are the supervisors okay with this guy?
>he got scammed from a random text from some asian girl in California
man this guy is incredible. the yellow fever claims another...
>I'll get monitored or get questioned by law enforcement
lole im sure the glowies would love to have a talk with that dude

>>82128365 (OP)
Things are pretty good in life, new good job, pays a lot, I like it. I'm annoyed by intrusive thoughts of killing myself and I can't sleep well.

>>82132014
>whats making you feel this way?
I just got no idea. I dunno. I spent the whole day in the bed when I should have done the laundry and cleaning my room. But. I...
I just don't see why I should bother, there's nothing for me out there.

>>82131387
(You) have a kind soul anon.
>Virtual huggies

>>82132014
>i mean... poor guy i guess. i hope he gets his shit together eventually.
He doesn't it. He is married, 40s, lives in an apartment, has probably no money saved or to retire on. When his mom passed away last year. She left him some money, probably enough to put a down payment on a house. All gone from him buying random crap or his wife buying random crap too, bills, and moving in an out of multiple apartments too.
>man this guy is incredible. the yellow fever claims another...
I think it was dumb of him to even text back a random number on his phone despite her sending him photos and videos. "My friend"
>lole im sure the glowies would love to have a talk with that dude
I am sure they would.

>>82132014
>i guess i just have a prejudice against meats being hard to cook
where's that come from? have you tried in the past?

>maybe im just not creative enough.
neither am i, so i have to rely on looking up recipes
i usually ask mom but sometimes i look online too, maybe it'll help you too
and you can make complex recipes simpler by skipping a few ingredients, or even steps if you know how to make some stuff
for instance, i already skip a step when making beans by pressure cooking them instead of cooking them in a regular pan
cuts prep time from 2+ hours to 30 mins

>>82132080
hm dont let them take over your sleep! perhaps some music could help you.
>>82132116
i understand. its okay anon! it's okay to feel this way. dont beat yourself up for it. you can do your laundry and clean your room when you feel a bit better.
>there's nothing for me out there
i dont believe you anon. there's nothing you like about the outside world (or the inside one too) it's hard difficult to see now because of how you're feeling.
>>82132238
(You) are pretty cool! have a hug back!
>>82132267
>He is married
man if this guy is married no one here has any excuse... still he doesn't seem like he's in a good position. reminds me of a colleague i had back when i worked in a wood factory. he was incredibly suicidal and also around his 40s or so. i think he neeted until his mom died. honestly he was such a nice person but he had nothing and everyone at work made fun of him. i hope he didn't kill himself.
>even text back a random number on his phone
well i guess he's learned his lesson now i hope.
>>82132370
>where's that come from? have you tried in the past?
yeah but i guess it's mostly because of school telling us to be really careful when cooking meat
>i usually ask mom but sometimes
my mom is really... not good at explaining things. but i guess i could look up some recipes.
it's just kinda hard to do anything in general for me even if im supposed to like doing it

>>82132564
>still he doesn't seem like he's in a good position.
He isnt. wastes or wasted his money on pointless things. And he looks very miserable. One of my coworkers asked him if he was "stuck". He didnt even take his advice anyway. He's a leaf in the breeze.
>well i guess he's learned his lesson now i hope.
His wife received the same text from a similar number and he told her to block the number immediately.