do you feel extremely envious of everything? I can hardly listen to music anymore because the thought that the musician made something very nice that other people enjoy fills me with extreme rage, other times I don't even have to think of anything I just get envious and it's like a visceral reaction

yeah and that fuels me to be creative myself and then i waste my day making garbage

>>82176590 (OP)
i believe you have npd

>>82176590 (OP)
I've been ruled by it for nearly my entire life.

>>82176691
sometimes I try to make stuff too, mostly drawings, but they're not very good, I see a lot of stuff that's much better
most people don't care about this but I am cursed to be seething with jealousy constantly
or maybe everyone is like this then than means the world is a very dangerous place
nothing I do is ever good enough, there is always someone better, even killing myself wouldn't solve the issue because there's nothing more pathetic than killing yourself over failing everything but I also can't win
>>82176717
I don't believe I am the best though that's the problem
>>82176742
how do you cope

Im making a beef stew. Are you jealous of that?

>>82176831
i think its good to do what you want, like draw if u feel like it
the result is whatever as long as you had fun
or something
idfk
i live in daydreams of getting attention and love

>>82176846
yeah kinda, is the beef stew you're making good?
>>82176859
it's nice to have fun but having fun is fleeting, then you see someone who made something better than you and you feel anger or despair

>>82176922
Idk Im still prepping.

>>82176930
I hope it sucks and you feel horrible for making it

>>82176831
>how do you cope
Strongly avoiding others, crying, seething, petty theft, passively existing in a space and having ER-tier internal meltdowns when I inevitably feel left out, daydreaming conversations and responding for the person in the way I wish they would then seething at reality, at worst (rarely) physically lashing out in pitiful displays like throwing a shoe or kicking a door in.

>>82176590 (OP)
It doesn't make me jealous but more so depressed. I get depressed when I heard a good piece of music or see a good piece of art because I am reminded I am a complete skill-less retard that has never achieved anything remotely close to that and I always give up on everything.

>>82176590 (OP)
Envy and jealousy are a foreign concept to me. Whenever I see someone being successful I just think "that's nice". I might be an innocent retard.

>>82177060
I wish I was like that and I am extremely jealous of you being like that

>>82177070
Calling people worthless nigger faggots and hiding the thread when they initiate conversation then ignore me because I replied in a way they didn't like.

>>82176944
Aw thats mean :(

I automatically dislike anyone who is technically better or more knowledgeable about a subject / hobby than me.
ultimately i know its wrong to do that and i hate myself more for feeling inferior and having the thought patterns of a narcissitic bitch.
which is why i havent left my house in two years

>>82177332
Whenever I encounter someone like that I try to steal as much information from them as possible.

>>82176944
>>82177143
Okay see you in 2 hours.

>>82177364
>browse literally any board besides /ck/
>get better cooking posters

>>82176590 (OP)
I've never felt envy in my life thankfully.

>>82176590 (OP)
I desperately cling to the few creative works I've made that I can feel proud of. Not necessarily the works themselves, but the emotions and sense of pride I felt making them. I wish I could make more, but I am neurotic to a fault, and I tear myself down nitpicking anything I make. Even if I make something nice, I only see the parts that could have been better. I don't interact with many people to try to limit my feelings of envy.
>>82177042
>>82177332
This. I just get this pit in my soul that makes me feel both like crying and punching myself in a fit of rage.

>>82177377
I didn't know ck was a thing but now Im scared. I just learned how to cook because Im cheap and local restaurants kinda blow for the price.

>>82176590 (OP)
for some reason i did not feel this feeling at all but now that you've made a thread about it i'm starting to feel envious and resentful about things as well

>>82176590 (OP)
depends on the mood for me
i can appreciate how well made a song is
or seethe about how I will never know composition or music theory or be able to produce something that good

>>82176590 (OP)
why does the thought of other people enjoying things fill you with rage?

kinda odd to let it get to you that heavily, especially for something like music

>>82177332
just potential cope

"if i spent the same time studying the things he did, I would be better!"

>>82176590 (OP)
the only way to cope is to realize that rage is ambition, and to pursue it

>>82177364
Almost time to eat.

>>82176717
do you think so? i've been wondering if maybe i have it :(