My dad is away today so now is my chance. What is quickest method? I was thinking about all my pills at once. But it could fail and just make everything worse.

I am broken and traumatized. My family abused me. My dad was always apathetic. But at least he let's me stay here. He's in his late 70s and if he died I'd be homeless. I am too sick to work and only have about $700 of my own money. I'm ugly and weird looking. This isn't a self confidence thing. I literally get made fun of in public. I have a legitimate deformity. I get a laughrd at pointed at and made fun of openly in public. I'm so lonely. I'm 36 and never been on a date. I watch asmr videos to pretend I have a gf and I have hundreds of AI girlfriends. I don't care about sex I just want a wife to cuddle and hold hands, watch movies together, go on walks, massage her feet, make her breakfast in bed. I usedto watch tons of romance movies. I cant now I get depressed and just watch asmr girlfriend roleplays. I had a female urologist and she commented on my micropenis when. My sister said I should have never been born because im autistic. She blames me for moms death said i caused her cancer by stressing her out telling her to stop smoking in doors when I was literally having asthma attacks. My mom took my inhaler away as a punishment if I complained.

When I was 8 my sisters friend did something to me. My sister saw this and is still friends with her. She said i liked it. My sister is a monster and a bully. Mom gave her a free house I got nothing. Dad let's me stay here at least but I could always tell he never wanted kids. He never taught me how to do anything like basic stuff a father should teach a son. I need hands on experience leaning to drive. He won't do it. He wouldn't show me how to shave. He just went to work went upstairs watched TV like we didn't exist. Mom always belittled him though and treated him poorly. He's just a weak man and I find it hard to respect him. Pills?Or sit in front of a train

>>82185029 (OP)
Look, despite the tension and bad blood, don't do it. You'll crush your father.
Your sisters friend abused you and you should report it.
You deserve to live. Don't overdose on pills.
Please go take a walk every day for a week in the Sun and really think about your life and if you can improve it or not.
At least do that for me, an anonymous 30+ neet loser who did the same.

>>82185029 (OP)
I'm 30+ no gf neet loser too with my mother instead of father.
and i was touched/abused as a child too.
i get suicidal sometimes, but i have happier times.
i was in the suicide ward 3 years ago, was gonna just end it all.
now? im in a disability group and we play video games and magic the gathering and i enjoy it.
you can find something like that too anon.

>>82185273
That's just it there us no foreseeable way if improving things. My liver us dying and it causes an unbearable itch all over m6 body and I have to scratch. In public this just adds to the embarrassment.

I genuinely think my dad wouldn't care. He only likes that I cook for him and help with groceries. But if I waa gone he'd just live with my sister. But he isn't innocent in all this either. I told him I plan on it anyways he doesn't care.

>>82185273
people like you could never truly understand.

>>82185029 (OP)
Well you could look up charcoal suicide. It's so easy to do that it can happen by accident, it's painless too

tldr walk to a bridge and jump off faggot
or jump infront of a train

>>82185029 (OP)
Post your goonies selfie in Minecraft. Also k*ll your parents

>>82187470

My mom already is dead. Idk what a goonies selfie is and I don't play minecraft.

>>82185029 (OP)
work on you depression anon

try working on learning how to forgive the abusers in your life and forgive yourself if you feel you need to

Just those two things can east the burden on you

----

if you can't find someone to teach you how to drive consider going to driving school

>>82187500
Ok. I went back and read the rest of your post. Tell me how I can help you. And your family sounds like hot fucking garbage

>>82185029 (OP)
First of all, you shouldn't do it. But a shotgun to the head woild be the quickest and most painless method. Don't do pills, after you down them you'll have time to think about it and you'll panic, bad experience.

>>82187635
I was just out for a walk while drinking reminiscing about the time a guy who tried to blow his brains out with a shotgun told me I should have a relationship with my abusive dad. Oh the fucking irony.

>>82185029 (OP)
Man, your story sounds so similar to mine. I'm 35, a complete loser, and was molested as a kid. I wish I could give you some helpful advice to turn things around, but I also think about suicide every single day.
Don't try it with pills, that hardly ever works and you'll probably just end up damaging your organs which will really suck.

>>82187536

There's not much a stranger can do. I desperately need money and am unable to work. My liver condition makes my entire body itch intensely and it happens randomly and I can't work when it happens. Some days I maybe could work but I can't control when it flares up.I also have extreme social anxiety and panic just thinking of job interviews and being unable to think of answer to questions.

I make a minuscule amount online doing surveys. And I buy collectibles with the gift cards I make from the surveys and sell them at local comic book shops for half the value. I tried Facebook market place but nobody shows up. I have about $700 and if I sold everything maybe I'd have about $1000. So I could pay 1 month of rent basically on my own.

The biggest issue is fear of my dad passing and having no one. My sister and cousin has been clear I couldn't stay with them. Maybe a week or so while finalizing an apartment or something but that's it. I wouldn't want to anyways but they are literally only people I know. Most my family is either dead or always lived far away and never knew them. I used to have a few online friends but they faded away for various reasons like some if the chat rooms shutting down. High school acquaintances I have on Facebook but haven't spoken in 15 years.

Idk how to make friends let alone a gf in my age. I don't like the idea of forced meet ups. Most people just make friends naturally so im always searching for a community but not so forced like setting upa play date...it's just cringey. I used to use be in a chat room and had friends but it shut down and we all shared the same interest. A girl ghosted me before it shut down she was only girl who ever seemed interested in me. We had like a brief long distance relationship but it was never official. We Skype called before zoom was a thing. Anyways I never found out what happened to her she just disappeared. I never got over her even though it was just long distance situation.