>>82196514
As much as I said one shouldn't give up in the first part of my post, in my case, while I don't write off the future, my current circumstances don't lead me to have any reason to beleive it's possible. The idea of a loving wife or girlfriend sounds nice, it sounds spiritually healing, but I've got nothing to offer, absolutely nothing. I was raised in a falling apart house in which I still live, given a conception about the things nearest to me in my life as being unfit for anything beyond it, with achievement being outside of it, which has lead to a personal feeling of abandoning my very own self had I any hope of getting anywhere, which probably is what serves as the backdrop for my own twisted philsophy of my place in this world as being in collective tragedy, and therefore the terrible things which happen therin, being things I shouldn't really let bother me. It seems a world unfit for purity, perhaps a world in which it's attainment, must be to take refuge in something outside of it, with much sorrow, much mourning, and many tears, in quiet, and relatively secluded presence in this world.
I also have no job, I don't know what job I would even get, I've hardly made progress in this world, I'm 20, which is still young, but many things I "should have done" already, were done by others my age 4 years ago. No license, and even if I had one, where would I even go.
The thought of a female partner is soothing, but I'm a raped man wandering a lonely desert. Who but God could save me.
