this student of the way of fish has sum sneeding to do

i remembered some abuse haus stuff i really didnt need to remember

ive never talked about this but there was another human in ze abuse haus besides my mom and my sister. my sister was a slut who had sex with anyone probs for drugs (typical abuse haus girl stuff) so she had a kid at 17yo. having to hear the kid getting abused in the abuse haus every day was so much worse than getting abused myself. it wasnt just shrimple abuse, it was stuff that would get one put into big boy prison

something my sister used to do was tell the kid (who was around 4-5yo) that she would kill them and then kill herself. the kid would scream like crazy and say "no pls no" and she would say "hahahahaha i will do it and you have no choice". this was kind of the normal level of daily all day abuse in that abuse haus

the abuse of the kid would really escalate on some days. one time when the kid was around 4yo they peed themselves. my mom screamed like an animal and forced the kid to sit on the toilet until the kid pooped. then she would go to the bathroom and scream in russian in ways normal people cant imagine "i will make you eat the poop now!!" the kid would scream like a human that was being murdered probs sounds like. i dont know what really happened because i obviously was a hikki in my room so i didnt see it with my own eyes but it sounded like she took out poop from the toilet and was trying to force the kid to eat it in a "i am just making it look like i am forcing you to scare you, but i will not actually do it" (she somehow always thought that makes it be fine) way. the kid screamed and made puking noises. this went on for an hour or something

i know now that i should have voice recorded it X called the police but back then it was different. i knew it was extremely fucked up. but it was normal in that abuse haus so i thought even if i get the police involved somehow it will be spun into "loony made sum false reports trying to get vidya from his mom". i didnt realize that it was fucked up way beyond the levels that would gib opportunities for them to spin it into me being a loony somehow. i knew if id report it and the police wouldnt do anything id be dead. they would kill me for real. they were always talking about killing me and how i would die in the abuse haus. i have no idea how i completely forgot everything about this but now i remember

this stuff also makes me wonder what they did to me when i was smol that i dont remember. probs similar stuff

people who have a healthy family dont know how good they have it

this fish had to listen to that kind of stuff everyday for 4 years. and probs experience it myself for a decade when i was smol. young me begged the police for help but they told me to fuck off. its probs easy to understand why i hate germany

>>82215664
imagine how stinky and unwashed she is

>>82215702
you need to escape beyond the wall with him

the dog is barking, the neighbor is screaming...
>>82216083
baka cant read the room
>>82216096
i could only save myself

this fish probs had the one of the worst kind of spawns one could have in a first world country. and because i have the wrong gender and skin color i never got any helperooo

now this fish is an old man who has no degree and the state put me in the slave meat category so trying to get any kind of good life the normal way would require a decade of humiliation rituals

almost a decade ago when i was still attending the institution. i remember i got the best grades but it didnt matter. my classmates were praising me and were telling me how jealous they were but we were living in different worlds. their grades mattered and got them nice futures. my grades didnt matter. nothing i could do would have given me a normal future. the school didnt want to gib me any degree. i am not joking about them calling me a subhuman who doesnt deserve to get into uni or nice blue collar work and that they would do everything to ensure id be a degreeless baka. i think they hated me probs because my school file said stuff like "nazi, pedophile, oppressor of the poc, drug addict, beats up non whites for fun, known to the police!!!" etc. obvs its all not true and just activist sneed because when baka was 14yo baka did sum wrong think. a different school i went to mentioned this stuff when they punished me for sum nonsense so its probs like this

the no rot grindset is probs making me remember stuff. i hope i wont remember anything worse. maybe this is the last test

rotterooo for me wasnt le "damn, everything sucks i will rot now". it was like having to bite ze finger skin when stressed. i wasnt even really aware of doing it, buddhist monks would probs say i wasnt alive during ze rot. for some reason ze rot stopped, its probs because baka has enough healeroooo exp collected

maybe china will save me...

the sneed has been let out. i really didnt need to remember this stuff but it cant be helped i guess. maybe sum night drawerooo after snaccing the night eggs

gib a mentally healthy happy girlfriend who has a nice close healthy family to leech healthy family experiences from. going fishing with her dad... learning to cook with her mom... going to sum of their celebrations... etc

i will not work for germany unless i get reparations

it was almost 20c colder outside than in my neet palace. the heckin insulation is making me suffer

the neighbor is still screaming

maybe this fish should join the SMO. baka could probs save enough buxx to live the hermit live for sum years in siberia. id be free from the state sponsored neet harassment campaign. 6 months in ze trenches for a life in peace...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCLdQepiSqI

i am half joking, half serious about it. right now i can study *the* way in peace but if the state tries to interfere i will seriously consider trying to join the SMO. i have enough buxx saved to somehow do it if the need arises. this fish can only gain, there is nothing for me to lose after all