I met someone that I feel emotions for maybe it is platonic friendship or platonic love, she doesnt to hate my presence and so for once I felt something more than lust. It was a tenderness towards them through trust and that got me attached too quickly. Its a strange feeling that I dont like because it opens me to possible vulnerabilities, possessiveness, yet a feeling of inadequacy, and that i might be an intruder. Enticing yet fearful. I dont care about things because im too tired to keep up and mediate the feeling of desire as surface level pleasure to scratch a primal itch and move on. I wouldn't engage in that if I wasn't cursed with human emotions and desires, but here I am. It would be so easy to not to discover this or yearn for it. Which is why spiritual death seems tolerable, because i dont have to put up with self hatred while oblivious to the empty feeling, than being one with divinity. Better option is the third, to not exist entirely. Ive lost the desire for porn and masturbation and instead turned into a feeling that desires intimacy. But intimacy is equally pointless because all im doing is cuddling and being smothered by a feeling that I feel inferior towards. being lonely is much better than this, better than being exposed to the light. But at the same time I dont want to lose what I have.

why?

>>82221145 (OP)
You've become comfortable in misery. The only way to grow is to embrace happiness.

There's one path forward that has fulfillment, love, care, comfort, fucking each other's brains out, completing each other, everything.

The other is empty.

Choose us, choose our happiness, our love, our home.