Thread 82234004

Anyone else feel some form of survivor's guilt after surviving a traumatic childhood?
I used to have mental breakdowns every week, cry to the point I hyperventilated, and I wanted to off myself almost every day
so why am I alive? why am I getting medical help when I never wanted to live in the first place? My body should've been preserved to give organs to people that actually want to live, not get artificially sustained so I can not want to live and self-destruct for longer.
All of it is so fucking retarded

>>82234004 (OP)
>why am I getting medical help when I never wanted to live in the first place?
Someone else recognizes the value of you being alive even if you don't.
Anyway I'm sure you experienced at least something good at some point. You wouldn't be on 4chan if you didn't. Chase the good.

>>82234014
life is "priceless" until it's time for men to get drafted to wars.
the war in ukraine proved that already.
I don't want to be happy in a world that doesn't give a shit about me.

>>82234004 (OP)
What the fuck happened during childhood for things to have gotten so bad?

>>82234004 (OP)
I'm feeling survivors guilt for my life right now. My life all crumbled around me to the point where I barely feel like the same person before I walked out those doors for the final time. It also scares me beyoms reason to think these adult years will soon be so much of my life, that my childhood will be nothing more then a mere footnote. The only hing that'll save me know is getting the great reset I desire for my life. By any means necessary.

>>82234071
In short, The "Bullying at school and abuse at home" meal combo.

>>82234051
Never said it's priceless.
You should be happy for yourself, not for the world.
Also, frankly, you sound comfortable and cared for, don't pull the "the world is too cruel for me" shtick when you're a firstworlder with internet and free time, it's just goofy.

>>82234116
I've chilled out a bit, yeah fair enough I could've been brown.
Having no healthy relationships with people for almost all of my developmental years fucked me up tremendously, but indeed it could've been worse.