>>82495380
yeah mental illness stuff tends to get better once you get older, but also being diagnosed young is probably why i got better. i had shit going on since i was maybe 10 and got sent to the psych ward for the first time when i was 14.
i was always a bit confused about what dissociation really is, other than textbook terms, and what you said about like watching a movie instead of being in control kind of scares me, its probably normal for you though
i do get lonely. im in rehab, i have my sort of clique, but i just like to make myself think its all well and nice. to be honest, i dont talk to them a lot. im kind of left out a lot. i used to have a lot of irl friends actually where i used to live, and i had so many mutuals on zoomer apps too. i had actual fun, i did drugs, i graffiti trains, go down the highway with randoms listening to suicideboys and blasing my friends underground rap stuff. im just so, so numb these days. i left everything, deleted my socials, and just am here sitting as if im a ghost really. i need to stop thinking and having a streetstyle mindset because im safe now, in a safe house, everything.
yeah, i mean im a immature bitch sometimes. truly, i am. but just sometimes i wonder what is truly funny about me to make fun of me or troll me so harshly online and in person. i know im not a pretty girl, or model like, but taking photos of me randomly and from video calls, its just like "am i supposed to laugh or cry" kind of thing. i shouldnt be stupid and show myself online, but even in person, people laugh at me. i dont go out anymore, im paranoid about myself and i dont want to look at myself in the mirror these days. maybe they just werent a good fit, i see their view, i wonder if theyll ever see mine. and yeah, thank you for listening to me about that, its not worth to shed tears for people like that, i tried my best truly.
thank you so much by the way, ill try to do what you said and compliment myself a bit more, just a little
