Thread 82835379

in your opinion, does a partner need to tell you if they were molested/sexually abused as a kid?

im never telling anyone i date i was sexually abused by another girl for years

>>82835379 (OP)
they don't have to but I would like to know

that way I can offer my support

but I guess that's just my take

>>82835379 (OP)
>does a partner need to tell you if they were molested/sexually abused as a kid?
it'll come up eventually as we get to know each other
now, if she wanted to tell me the details, then i wouldn't want to hear that unless she really wanted to say it, to be fair
but the topic will be stumbled on over time

>>82835379 (OP)
>molested/sexually abused
that turns me on but I'm a dude so yeah

I would like to know eventually, it's one of those things that will come up once you both are comfortable with telling each other your deep dark secrets. Both of you have to be emotionally mature enough for it though.

>>82835379 (OP)
No, that's private information.
I don't get why everyone in (current year) feels the need to share each and everything about themselves. It's okay to keep stuff to yourself. You do not need to know every facet of someone's life to be in a relationship with them.

>>82835379 (OP)
You don't have to say it was rape/sexual abuse but you have to say you aren't a virgin.

There are no rules that are independent of context. Not all couples even enforce monogamy. One guy might think you ought to tell him, another might think your privacy comes first; another might not even want to know. The point of honesty and openness is that is builds bonds of trust, and trust allows you to be freer around someone than you can be without trust. You're less guarded, less cautious. You should tell someone if and only if you think doing so will have a good outcome.

>>82835379 (OP)
Yeah, otherwise they're just a liar.

>>82835428
this makes me sad because it was from another girl when i was a kid and i didnt consent. if i tell people i have a "body count of 1" but have never been kissed or cuddled or held hands theyre gonna wanna know context so ill have to state i was sexually abused

Yes, they tend to share it anyway I've noticed

It rears it's ugly head if your drunk or in a mood atleast for me but its not necessary unless you need someone to vent to
me and my ex found out we both got molested and laughed it off at the time because it explained so much about eachother and how we carry ourselves
It's something that should be talked about if your comfortable i suppose but we laughed out asses off to cope with the absurdity
A manual doesn't exist on how you should deal with sexual trauma you figure it out or don't

>>82835379 (OP)
Due to the legal systems unwillingness to recognize the sexual agency of juveniles, the phrase molested as a kid does not tell me whether or not it happened against your will or not. I would appreciate it if you would use language that is more nuanced

Sexual bonding is just like any other kind of bonding. If the child says yes to it, its morally neutral. I believe the people who strive to undermine the sexual autonomy of young people and who strive to teach them that sex is evil are the true child molesters.

>>82835379 (OP)
if you are girl its fine, if you are a guy, you are a loser

>>82835691
Why did you take OP's question and use it as nothing more than a segway into that specific issue? What's got that issue at the top of your mind, anyway? Your child friend was about to touch your wiener but then his mom came in and gave you the old lecture again?

>>82835732
Nothing gets me more angrier than age of consent laws. Its orwellian doublespeak to say a willing minor was raped just so the puritan communities can sleep soundly at night at the nice lie that children do not have sexuality.

If someone is using the phrase child rape without any nuance, I will absolutely check them on that. I am calling out bug brother and his goons, what the fuck are you gonna do to stop me

>>82835379 (OP)
I don't think you need to tell anyone but if you trust your partner you should. It will help them understand you better and you can lean on them when you're struggling. It's a really common thing and I don't think a reasonable person will judge you for it. It's not something to be ashamed of.

>>82835773
You seem like the kind of guy who gets in his own way. I'm good.

>>82835379 (OP)
Honestly? This is not something you can share with anyone but law enforcement, a lawyer specializing in these types of cases, or a licensed therapist who has been trained in trauma informed care for CSA.

A partner will 99.99% of the time not grasp how profoundly damaging that type of abuse is nor have anywhere near the capability to cope with it let alone help. They won't understand you better from knowing and they won't have more patience, if anything they'll just be confused.

Dealing with rape is hard enough for any partner to understand, dealing with rape as a child is basically like a color out of space to them. It's as close to an encounter with incomprehensible suffering as a human can come.

As much as we would like to believe that other humans have a limitless amount of help they can offer their loved ones the truth is they really don't. I am not saying this to be mean, I just want to say that most likely what would happen if you told your partner is they would have a negative reaction towards you. Not your experience, but you. It sucks, it is horrible, but that is how it will most likely go.

The good news is you have no responsibility or obligation to share it with anyone if you do not want to. Your partner has no right to know about your past in that way.

I feel like this is super common. It's often rare I find someone who hasn't been sexually molested. Maybe sexually abused/ molested people are like stand users and they attract each other. I remember just having drinks with a girl and she started telling me how she protects her cousin from her uncle because he touched her when she was young. That being said I've told one person and she tried to throw it in my face, I bear the 'burden' alone or just move on

>>82835428
If someone getting molested as a child makes you jealous you're missing out on their first sexual experience you're fucked in the head.

>>82835826
>It's as close to an encounter with incomprehensible suffering as a human can come.
Give me a fuckin break, anon. What about it could possibly be anywhere near that bad? It's flesh pounding flesh.

>>82835867
Considering you're a pedophile any explanation of human emotion is just gonna fly over your head. I'd suggest 12 gauge under the chin in the bathroom btw.

>>82835826
Grand majority of so called child rape cases involve willing children. Big reason they call it rape because of the concept of informed consent when sex is no more knowledge intensive than riding a bike or eating ice cream.

The so called trauma only begins when they read shitty hysteria like your post. They only lean into feeling like a victim and feeling bad about it because society tells them they ought to.

I think if there less morally outraged adults on the hunt looking for sexually active children to indoctrinate through court mandated shrink sessions, there would be a lot less of these so called trauma cases

>>82835882
I'm not. I'm also not the guy being frustrated about age of consent laws, but the guy he's talking to. My question remains valid despite your attempt to invalidate it with an ad hominem attack.

>>82835691
If it was consensual and the person still views it that way, they wouldn't use that language, simple as.

>>82835887
You can't broad brush it all like that way though sure some kids enjoyed the attention and how it feels i know i did but you cant say a grand majority did or didnt enjoy it lmfao its unprovable

>>82835924
The kids he molests seem to enjoy it as far as he's concerned.

>>82835919
What actually happened and how they currently decide to feel about it are different things, I care about the truth and not just about how they feel

>>82835924
Grand majority of statutory rape cases go under the radar, ending with the so called victim not reporting their lover. Even law enforcement admits this. Look it up.

>>82835988
>What actually happened and how they currently decide to feel about it are different things
I figured you would say that, but it doesn't really matter. You can't easily tell the difference short of being as heavyhanded as your opponent.

>>82835988
A clear difference exists between stat rape and preteen sex man

>>82836203
When I was 8, the neighbors would bring the neighborhood boy to my house and we would fuck each other in the ass in secret.

>>82836266
i let my older bros freind do whatever he wanted to me for gp in the og runescape
I felt like a boss with addy g even though i basically whored myself out for it

>>82835379 (OP)
my last partner was and the issues around it caused our relationship to collapse
she saw her abuser in everything. everything. it ate our relationship
i hate people who abuse others
the memories haunt people forever

>>82835379 (OP)
I mean, I'd want to know in order to provide support if I can and know if there are sensitive topics I should avoid.

>>82835379 (OP)
Depends what you want out of a relationship. For me, I want to be as close as possible and be codependent. To feel so strongly and deeply connected. I'll be fine with wearing a mask around everyone else as long as I can be my true self around them and still be understood, loved and accepted. And I want them to feel all of those with me too. For us two to be perfectly honest with each other, to be each other's sanctuary. All of that requires being honest. About the darkest parts of yourself, your past, everything.

>>82835379 (OP)
Don't tell.

It puts pressure on them to react sonehow if they care and if they don't it just marks you as damaged and puts them off.

You also have to go through talking about it.

It's all downside.