Thread 82835841

there is nothing good going for me in my life. i am infinitely lonely and i have no one to care for or to care for me. not a single person. not a friendship or a romance.

what that does to a person? it makes me go cuckoo insane of course.

now, i only live for my mom. she's the only person i care about who cares about me.

>>82835841 (OP)
>i have no one to care for or to care for me. not a single person.
Then he says
>i only live for my mom. she's the only person i care about who cares about me.
???

>>82835841 (OP)
iktf besides my family I'm really alone. I don't think they're bad people but I can't seem to connect with them very well + they can't satisfy me like a gf could not to be weird or anything.

>>82835874
it's called hyperbole, autism-kun! but my mom does not provide the sort of connection that an adult would want. she's my mom and i love her with all the world, but i should already have moved on a long time ago from her to greener pastures.

>>82835912
And here I am being jealous that you have a mother at all. Deeply envious, actually. I wish I had even one parent. I'm sure there are things I have that you'd be jealous of too. How silly it all is. How about your mom adopt me? Then I'll have a mom, hopefully she'll care about me, you'll randomly have a sibling and hopefully we'll care about each other. All around we'd all 3 would have more care in our lives and more care going on in the world!
>does not provide the sort of connection that an adult would want
Anyway, I do understand that. Ultimately she's your parent and the dynamic you have with your parent probably won't ever be one of deep connection or equal status.

>>82835963
what happened to your parents? they died? you at least grew up with them right?

>>82835963
I'll be your daddy. Or your mom, whatever.

>>82835973
Mother died when I was 14, but she was very abusive and all around not a good person. As for my father he pretty much disowned me when I turned 18 I guess. Not sure how else to describe it. Haven't spoken a word to each other in years.

>>82835999
You wish you had better parents then?
I used to beat myself up every day for feeling dislike towards my father. I felt guilty that I hated him. But he really was a prick and I'm glad I managed to leave.

>>82835999
im sorry for you then, i didn't know it was like that :/
my relationship with my dad is kind of sort of complicated like that too, my mom wasn't a perfect mom either and we had rough patches but i still love her. she's currently battling cancer and i really hope she wins so i can see her live into her older years.

>>82835996
Sure that'd be nice if you had no ulterior motives and didn't turn it into a weird sexual thing
Also apologies to OP if you feel like I am hijacking your thread by the way, wasn't my intention and I hope you yourself don't feel spoken over or anything
>>82836029
Absofuckinglutely. People say comparison is the thief of joy but somehow everyone else around me has a genuinely good relationship with their parents or at least receives help from them and I am so jealous. It's hard not to compare. I feel so lost. When I try to seek advice from people somehow it always circles back to parents. "How did you do this?" "Oh my dad helped me." "You should to back home to your parents" "Without my parents I'd be in prison" etc
What would it have been like, to have been raised with principles and values, by kind and strong people who had them? To have been loved and helped? To have had caretakers who were patient and wanted to parent?
Even just one parent would help a ton, especially right now. I'm going through a lot of tough things and feel like I need guidance or a safe, stable place to live (so in this case a parent's place) more than ever. Aside from when I was younger like when my mother first died, I haven't felt guilt over my heavy resentment towards my parents. As dramatic as it may sound I feel like they fucked up my entire life. So I don't think there was ever any need to beat yourself up over it and I'm glad you managed to leave too. Fuck him.
>>82836077
Don't be sorry, you didn't know. I'm glad you have your mom at least. That's one thing I guess. If I did have parents I loved, I'd feel so sad over their eventual deaths. I wasn't exactly sad over my mother's death and when my dad dies I don't even know if I'll know. It wouldn't affect my life at all. I hope that your mom wins too anon and you two can live more together. A long happy, healthy life.

>>82836602
>As dramatic as it may sound I feel like they fucked up my entire life.
Thats always kind of been my view. I make sure to be grateful for what my dad has given me, like items and luxuries, but I can't forgive him for what he did.
My mother is more respectable, I know she wants the best for me and I love her, but if I stay in this house my problems will probably just continue to get worse. We don't get along at all but she wants the best for me and I respect and appreciate her. Though I fear I may be kicked out of the house entirely in the next two years.
As for a home, whats going on? The housing market sucks right now so I assume you're probably struggling with that. How are you dealing with it?

>>82836642
>I make sure to be grateful for what my dad has given me, like items and luxuries
That makes sense to me. If he really is horrible then I'd tell you to not feel even the slightest bit bad about using him for money, but then I'd be a hypocrite. I always felt bad about being a financial burden on my dad (which looking back was stupid since it was his choice to have a kid, granted he didn't expect the other parent to die and suddenly lose half of the household income but I digress), I felt like me exiting his life was a selfless act even. I'm sure he is doing better financially without me now, if he's alive. I also can't forgive my parents for what they did. If only my dad had even tried to be a competent parent I'm sure I wouldn't have made so many mistakes or gotten myself into shit situations, which looking back I got into directly because living with him wasn't an option.
>if I stay in this house my problems will probably just continue to get worse
This is likely true and it's how I felt too. I of course want to encourage you to leave, but please do be careful. Like I said I ended up in bad situations due to that delibitating, desperate need I felt to escape that house asap. You probably don't need to be told this but be financially smart as much as possible. I really do genuinely hope that you can find your own place that you can feel comfortable in.
>How are you dealing with it?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed over it. I got into a relationship that I now regret to escape that house. Now I'm here and essentially trapped with nowhere else to go. Though I feel if I didn't get into this relationship I might still be in that house I was so desperate to escape from. It would have definitely just gotten worse over the years. I feel embarrassed over even typing that out.

>>82836802
>I feel embarrassed over even typing that out.
We can only make do with what we have to move forward. Whats your plan?

>>82836994
Ain't that true. I hope that we will both be able to.
>Whats your plan?
Not entirely sure yet and still feeling lost. I will learn how to drive. I will try going to college if I can, if not then try my best to get a job and start saving. Hardest part that I dread the most is how I can end the relationship in the least hurtful way possible. I definitely need to have somewhere else to go sorted before I do and have a decent amount of money saved up.

>>82837248
>Hardest part that I dread the most is how I can end the relationship in the least hurtful way possible.
Ahh I get that. I gotta hold my cards close to my chest to avoid getting kicked out.
I don't want to, but I'm planning to file for disability cause gad prevents me from doing dumbass easy tasks like stocking shelves.
I'm not sure it'll be livable enough to flee but fuck I'm making myself try everything before I commit to killing myself or shit.

>>82835841 (OP)
You should just stop caring so much. I know that's like cliche non-advice but that's really the only way to feel better.

>>82835912
>greener pastures
lol i have a lot of friends and get lots of attention irl but my mom died when i was younger
unironically neck yourself disgusting ungrateful faggot NOTHING in the world can replace the bond between mother and child
NOTHING

>>82837637
Nta but you've never seen an abusive mother, have you?

>>82837660
abuse is a different story, op anon literally stated that he loves his mother and that she cares about him

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