Thread 82891436

another lovely day of isolation and decay

I camt take it. I wqnt to die..no methpd stuff aroind me.. Fuck up eberutjing amd its my fault. Might jabe to jump pff a bridh.

This.happenes everytike I hate myself.

>>82891551
Are you syncing to me for attention cause if you film it I'll fuck to it with your internet crush, weirdo

>>82891556
What are you even talking about? I do not habve an internet crush.

>>82891551
Yeah. Me too. I'm sorry, and I get it. I just messaged my friend trying to make amends but they fucking hate me right now. I can't say I blame them. They told me to kill myself and I honestly want to for how I treat the people I care about.

>>82891609
I need to die no method though. I am a discrace. I cant take this I cant.

>>82891618
I know how you feel and I'm sorry. Not everyone gets it but it's so stupid and overcomplicated. It's so hard to show your heart through all the pain. Really opening ourselves just to get stabbed again.

Based Jax enjoyer. Hang in there anon ep 7 is coming in less than 2 months lol

>>82891653
We don't get a good ending.

unrelated, but kovach's voice acting was so fuckin good in this last ep, in my honest onion

>>82891663
I don't wanna lose hope yet... but I know you might be right. Whatever happens, I doubt it's a good thing.

>>82891700
Yeah except for the cringe part where his voice gets all high. He should've been angrier and less high pitched. Would've been received better if so, too.
>>82891796
It's not going to be good. Someone's going to abstract and it's going to suck.
Abstraction is just a metaphor for "losing it," if that wasn't obvious. Hints like how abstracted people are calmer in the dark, somewhat opposite to how schizophrenics symptoms are alleviated when looking into a direct light source...

>>82891634
I have no one irl. People treat.me like a dog because I am mental ill..mynsister just commited suicide last week. I open my self to no one. This pain is eating me.

>>82891981
I'm sorry you lost your sister. I live by the belief that everyone is born kind and pure and over time the world just... Punishes you for trying to be open and loving. I'm not trying to speak for your sister but I know I can barely handle it anymore. I don't want to be what the world has made me into. I can't imagine what pain she was going through to take her own life. I'm sorry for her and I'm sorry for you. If you want to talk or just rant, feel free, I'm not going anywhere.

>>82892091
I cant be by myself I need a social worker or nurse or something that can give me exact med dose every day or something..idk my imlulse control is shot.

Another wasted year. Because of me. I fuck up so much
.but always keep going. I hate being bipolar. People think I am crazy. Everyone just thinks they know how I feel and whats in my head when they dont.

I hate being human.

>>82892274
I relate a lot to what you are saying. I have never been able to make anything work out. Jobs, relationships, school, family, friends, myself. I destroyed it all and I will keep destroying it and I can't stop. I feel like I was never given any other option so here I am, whag everyone made me out to be because they couldn't help but assume the worst and I couldn't blame them.

>>82892329
Nah no one made me like this. Influenced sure..but I was fucked from the start.

I want a stable job and shit like that so bad but longest I went was a year and then I totaled 3 cars and quick even though I had top metrics.

There are always other options. I dont destroy my life in all ways. But a lot.I do.

I have never had relationship but idc anymore.
People are so mean to me but the real ones know. I always help people, especially poor, third world, no skill, mental.

People with no issues are receptive to my help thankfully.

Just have to keep going.

I just need help and idk where to look.

Started new meds and they help a lot.

Man up or kys is my friends and now my motto.

Just have to keep trying, bro. I am sorry you are in pain.

>>82892495
I don't think it's good to 100% blame yourself either, just as I don't think it's ever 100% genetic. It's hard to be gentle with yourself. I hope everything works out for you.

>>82892745
It is my braim . fuck it up. Yeah thanks me too. I am going crazy. Waking up in the middle of the night screaming. Almost got cops called on me.

I cant control my choices. They just happen. Its scary. My brain is fucked up sending signals thrpugh nerbvous system yo bodu. I can hardly even move right. Or speak right

I have burned so many bridges from.beig mental ill. I hate this.

>>82892827
Lol I do that sometimes too. Or speaking in some incomprehensible dead language. Yeah, me too. Pretty much every single one.

>>82892966
Everyone assumes worst. No point in trying to talk. No friends. Have not hung out with anyone in 1.5 years.

Ya I ramble random stuff too. A lot. Everyday. Never stops. My brain never stops.

My body will jerk involuntary due to glutamatr and I look retarded.

Just wish I had purpose or something to do.

I am a good person. Lots of bad stuff just happened to me.

>>82892495
>helping 3rd world people
Thanks for helping destroy my life faggot

>>82893086
I believe you are a good person. What's the most important thing you think you're missing currently?

>>82893140
Someone to limit the amount of meds I can take per day and use dns content blocking on router with strong password so I have no way to waste time or watch sex stuff.

I should be mentally touch to do that myself.

I like rigid orders like on football team in hs.

Most important thing:
Structure. I need a plan. Then execute it.
Mybrain is all over the place..i need help with management. Or someone to check in on me.


Missing purpose..idgaf ab anything but computers really.

A job was nice but I did not last long due to bipolar episode. Even though I had best metrixs and performance. I cant just have an episode ever once in a while in my adult carreer life.

I am.on new meds now they r helping.

>>82893332
>Someone to limit the amount of meds I can take per day and use dns content blocking on router with strong password so I have no way to waste time or watch sex stuff.
That's quite a heavy burden to hoist upon anyone. Ultimately you are responsible for yourself.
>A job was nice but I did not last long due to bipolar episode. Even though I had best metrixs and performance. I cant just have an episode ever once in a while in my adult carreer life.
It's funny that for the most part this is true for me too. Especially in a role that I'm good at and know what I'm doing.

>>82891436 (OP)
Imagine you're being surveilled by someone on top of that. They don't let you live, they don't let you die... they torture and mock you everywhere you go, degrade you, invalidate your whole human being. And for what - for saying something inapropriate, for being different, for doing something that threatened them!? And in the name of who exactly - in the name of justice, some higher value, God!?

I feel that they made this thread so I could find it. They know many things about me, my privacy stripped away and every boundary of me is crossed. And who knows for how long this has been going on. This decay is by design - is it revenge or some sort of experiment, I don't know.

They dwell among us and proclaim among themselves that they have every right to do what are they doing. But who is pulling those strings and who is watching us, who are they exactly and what is their role? Why I am a targeted individual?

>>82891436 (OP)
we're goingthrough this together anon may we get out in the powr of friendship!

Bump lrkrl

>>82893639
>>82893639
I am an adult..need to act lkke one.

I can setup all dns shit easy just cant know password when im done..
One pill from a safr a day. Someone who cares could do that right?

I need and do best with rigid schedule. Like coach telling you what to do.

I only responsible for some stuff like being a lazy pussy. I cant control myself sometimes like when I broke a kids nose accidently. I go manic.

there are multiple voices in my.head and I am gping insane.

Need help idk how though.

I succed in other stuff but damn... Idk

Just have to keep pushing..want to live in isolated mountains away from everyone..