Thread 83070473

My dick has 2 modes during sex, either refuse to get properly hard and make it difficult to actually penetrate no less get off, or coom within 30 seconds of entering the pussy. Why the fuck is it like this?

Probably ED and premature ejaculation desu.

t. knower

how many times have u tried? especially with the same partner?

it takes time to get a better mind-body connection

best advice is start to practice stuff like karezza where it's less about the hardness, less about the coom, and more about the breathing and feeling connected to every sensation and focusing on connecting w/ the other person'

doesn't have to be the be all end all it's just a 3rd mode where you can practice and reconnect so you're more in control of ur body

>>83071332
Dozens of times with the same girl. We're long distance and both still live with our parents, so the theres not too many opportunities and the times we do have there's a lot of pressure to get things right, because there's so few opportunities

>>83071624
i dealt w/ this a long time early on, mostly the #1 mode even if getting hard wasn't the problem i just would almost feel no sensation (prolly too much porn at the time desu)

if you open up and say "hey i feel a lot of pressure and it's making my body not able to fully relax and enjoy it" you might be surprised how much just SHARING that alleviates anxiety. it's like you can finally breathe again without the pressure. I'd be willing to bet most of the pressure is in your head which actually makes you perform worse and the cycle continues.

It's totally worth it to sacrifice a few of the next opportunities so you can improve it for the long term. hopefully she's a keeper and will be understanding so you can actualy start fully enjoying sex w/ her, everything will be better for you AND her

Why don't you just not worry about the first orgasm- have fun with your gf, do normal foreplay and sex, then when you cum take a break and cuddle but stay intimate. Get her off again or get her close and keep things sensual. In like 15-30 minutes do more foreplay and have sex again without worrying about when you will cum. If it happens again great if it doesn't or you can't stay hard wait longer and try again
I noticed that when I have sex with men if they are neurotic about trying to cum or trying to hold off it just ruins the experience for both of us. Also I noticed men that work out have a shorter refractory period
I recommend treating sex less seriously. I know it is special because you guys are ldr but maybe splurge for a hotel and spend a whole day just watching movies playing games and having sex. Make your goal just having fun

>>83071665
I'm aware, and she's been very understanding in the past. Though at this point I'm kind of sick of it and would like to be able to have sex like a normal person without having to do a pep talk beforehand every time. I guess that thinking just brings on even more pressure though :/
>>83071713
>1st paragraph
I'll try that out, sounds good. She's usually pretty sore after the first time and doesn't want to go again, but it's happened before, so maybe we can manage.
>3rd paragraph
I dunno if I can think of sex as unimportant if I'm specifically renting a room for the activity ^^'
I finished my studies recently and will hopefully move out soon, that'll be better I think

>>83072025
Wdym even just having a hotel room is fun in itself because you guys live at home it's like having a little bungalow nobody can bother you guys in for anything you want, a home base. You are going to feel so much better once you have your own place
>she's usually pretty sore after the first time
This will happen less when you both get better at foreplay. Don't be afraid to use a lot of spit or even buy lube. Getting too sloppy is better than dealing with vaginal microtears later and ruining your weekend

>>83070473 (OP)
Genetics maybe?

>>83072051
and vice versa i had an ex who wouldn't get super wet in general, or maybe it was just a small anatomical mismatch where the top of my dick would get really chafed and sometimes even microtear and i'd have to tap out for several days to apply ointment

then discoverd uberlube and it's a game changer, quality product

>She's usually pretty sore after the first time
also if she's sore im guessing its a lot of hard pumping, there's a lot of other ways to do things that are slower and softer. it might not be as intense immediately but idk i like slower more now because the buildup can get to be a FULL BODY orgasmic feeling without even cumming. tkaes some getting used to and patience but it's great.
I had an ex that would get sore and its cus my semi-ED dick was so desensitized i just pumped really hard all the time

Try at the end of No Nut November. Just stop jerking off and watching porn. Sometimes it takes months to heal your dick and brain.

Also try a bit of THC to calm you down before sex so there is less anxiety

>>83072111
Did you ed dick get better? I'm the anon you replied to and I just find you interesting because you actually have accountability and seem introspective.

>>83072136
oh yeah, it's absolutely cured for sure. it was a combination of things i had to deal with going from 20 yo KHHV to dating and finally having sex

1- no longer drinking. no more whiskey dick sex where i was chasing an orgasm that would never happen, making her sore and feel unsexy in the process

2- became aware of porn-induced ED. This was probably the most major factor. The ED was worse if i jerked off within 24 hours obviously, and if i jerked it within 24 hrs i was probably doing it daily... porn can arouse you even if you're depleted, but often not the case with real life. usually when I get into a talking phase with a new girl now, i become way more conscious about my porn usage and sometimes quit entirely so that i reduce that impact.

3- realizing that a major part is just nerves getting used to a new person. stopped worrying about it so much and started learning to communicate. it's really not a big deal, and i don't really do casual sex, so it's easier to communicate with someone you already have some emotional rapport with. If you're never allowed to communicate anxiety or feeling inadequate you'll never really break through to the other side when you realize it's all good. And when that happens you ironically can 'perform' soooo much better when you realize it's not actually a performance. IDK if this applies very well to casual hookups which feels more outcome-dependent how good the sex was

>>83070473 (OP)
I personally have lifelong premature ejaculation even when masturbating, I'm gonna try tadalafil which is the generic of Cialis. Might work for you, hope it does for me, just a recommendation anon.

>>83070473 (OP)
You have lots of anxiety issues and insecurity I guess. It'll go away if you can learn to relax more

>>83073641 (me)
Uhh I mean what am I talking about. Get off the board sex-haver OP, you disgust me