Thread 83095846

I'm not going to work today, I just can't, I feel very suicidal today

>>83095846 (OP)
Hey Kingsfield Anon.

What's going on? You still at the factory?

>>83095854
hey! yeah I still am but today I'm just not feeling very well, you know, mentally.

how have you been?

>>83095907
>just not feeling very well
Sorry to hear, man. Anything in particular or did you just hit a low?

>how have you been?
Doing okay. Been hitting the gym pretty consistently this week and I made a bunch of food to take to work. Just kinda riding things out until Christmas I guess. Gonna get myself a new computer on Black Friday.

>>83095949
>Sorry to hear, man. Anything in particular or did you just hit a low?
it's just been slowly "building up" for lack of a better word, over the past month and I just can't do it today. I feel bad because it's the last day of the work week but I just can't take a 12 hour shift right now
>Doing okay. Been hitting the gym pretty consistently this week and I made a bunch of food to take to work. Just kinda riding things out until Christmas I guess. Gonna get myself a new computer on Black Friday.
I'm happy to hear you're doing ok anon! I forgot it's almost christmas wow time flies

>>83095846 (OP)
Understandable have a great day

Also is picrel ur art? It's cool. Got any moar?

>>83095986
thanks, you have a nice day too anon, yes it is my art though I wouldn't call this particular one art, I was just having a breakdown and doodling on a pice of paper.

but I did put some actual effort on this one

>>83095984
>just been slowly "building up" for lack of a better word, over the past month
Nah, I get it. Mine does too but I have trouble understanding that it's happening until it gets really bad.

>happy to hear you're doing ok anon
Man, I'm glad to finally be okay. Been a long time since I felt functional.

>>83096017
>Nah, I get it. Mine does too but I have trouble understanding that it's happening until it gets really bad.
yeah that's exactly what happens to me too, I don't realize it until I'm not doing ok until I'm about to do something really stupid.
>Man, I'm glad to finally be okay. Been a long time since I felt functional.
I'm happy for you anon, I've been functional for like a month, I mean having a job counts as being functional right? mentally speaking well...it's not great

>>83096037
>until I'm about to do something really stupid.
Thankfully I haven't done anything that stupid in a while. I did get black out drunk and stumble out into the woods early this year though.

>mentally speaking well...it's not great
That's more of what I meant. I can drag my ass out of bed and go to work but until lately I just felt constantly burned out. Numb, empty, and full of despair all at once.

>>83095846 (OP)
What do you do for work?
I used to work at a call center which was soul draining

>>83095846 (OP)
>>83095854
>>83095907
>>83095986
>>83096005
>>83096037
>>83096058
>>83096075
diddy ahh blud found all ten pages

>>83096058
mostly I just think about hurting myself, I don't know why I mind always goes to that.
>That's more of what I meant. I can drag my ass out of bed and go to work but until lately I just felt constantly burned out. Numb, empty, and full of despair all at once.
yeah I get what you mean, I feel the same way, hope life gets better for us in the future, man.
>>83096075
it's a factory, 12 hour shifts, soul draining and mind numbing and it gives me terrible back pain for some reason

>>83096099
It seems like your brain is wired that way
I don't have that self harm pathway, my mind never thinks to cutting myself or something. My mind always goes to wanting to quit my job or go back home. Leave the situation not punish myself for being in that situation

>>83096099
>just think about hurting myself
Sorry man. It probably just has something to do with how we learned to cope.

>hope life gets better for us in the future, man.
Me too, brother.

>>83096128
I wonder what causes my brain to be like this, I always blame myself for things and feel like punishing myself.
I don't want to quit my job though, it was pretty hard to find one in the first place and I want to save money to finish school.
>>83096167
>It probably just has something to do with how we learned to cope.
trying to think when I started coping that way, honestly can't remember.

we're gonna make it friend, one day

>>83095846 (OP)
That's a lotta buttholes

>>83096185
>we're gonna make it friend, one day
In this life, or the next. Memento mori.

>>83096185
>trying to think when I started coping that way, honestly can't remember.
Sounds like childhood trauma. I don't even know if years of therapy would help deal with it.
I think you can find success stories and failure stories if you try online. People who stopped thinking about self harm, or people who tried to stop thinking about self harm but failed to supress it so badly they ended up taking their own lives. But you probably aren't hearing those second accounts from primary sources, but instead by their friends or family members effected by the suicide

I'm not cheering you up sorry bro

>>83096215
hopefully in this one, I want to experience happiness at least once.
>>83096236
woah I thought it was just me, the more I try to suppress it and try not to think about it, the worse it gets, I didn't know there were other people like that.

I've tried therapy before but it didn't help much with anything, she didn't told me anything I already didn't know or figure out on my own, like I'm already aware of why I feel the way I feel I don't really need a therapist to tell me that.

>>83096266
>hopefully in this one
Hopefully so, but I'm glad to have insurance I guess.