Thread 83099272

how much mental anguish can one's mind take before it breaks you think? are people psychopaths from birth or can someone become one?

you can become a psychopath if you arent already one but it would take a specific amount of brain damage to specific areas of the brain such that it's better to just say you cant

>>83099272 (OP)
as much as it can probably. you can't quantify without specifying some anguish type, and as soon as you do now everyone knows and you get a new nickname

>>83099272 (OP)
Some people really are just born like that; like most criminals charged with brutal crimes you see on the news.
But there are also those who become like this due to pollution or extreme circunstances. It's well known that lead poisoning was one of the major causes of crime in the 20th century, and that once leaded gasoline was faded out, violent crime sharply decreased.
It's also well documented how, during war, ordinary men are capable of extraordinary brutality. The most well talked case is that of holocaust colaborators, but I think a more illustrative case is that of Soldier soldiers pillaging Germany in 1945.
"We were young, strong, and four years without women. So we tried to catch German women and.... Ten men raped one girl. There were not enough women; the entire population run from the Soviet Army. So we had to take young, twelve or thirteen year-old. If she cried, we put something into her mouth. We thought it was fun. Now I can not understand how I did it. A boy from a good family.... But that was me."
"When we occupied every town, we had first three days for looting and ... [rapes]. That was unofficial of course. But after three days one could be court-martialed for doing this.... I remember one raped German woman laying naked, with hand grenade between her legs. Now I feel shame, but I did not feel shame back then.... Do you think it was easy to forgive [the Germans]? We hated to see their clean undamaged white houses. With roses. I wanted them to suffer. I wanted to see their tears. Decades had to pass until I started feeling pity for them."

>>83099272 (OP)
WHAT'S GOOD HUTAOFAG
I THINK IT DEPENDS FROM PERSON TO PERSON BUT MOST PEOPLE ARE MORE RESILIANT THAN YOU THINK
A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY ENJOY THE FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS.

SEE: THE AMOUNT OF CATTLE WHO GET SOME SORT OF MENTAL DIAGNOSIS AND THEN IDENTIFY WITH IT RATHER THAN TRYING TO WORK THROUGH IT

>>83099504
now that you're putting it that way it seems like almost anyone could become a psychopath given the right circumstances. really haunting stories from the wars. though i suppose an actual psychopath wouldn't feel regret for doing such actions
>>83099545
hello anon. do you already have some ideas on what to put on your website?
it's very obnoxious when someone talks about a mental illness like it's an asset they have and you should be impressed by, rather than something bad

>>83099649
YEAH, I DO
I ALREADY KNOW A BUNCH OF GUYS WHO ARCHIVE SHIT ON THEIR WEBSITE AND I'M NO DIFFERENT
IF YOU'D LIKE I CAN BREAK DOWN THE FULL SCOPE OF THE CURRENT PROJECT BUT BE WARNED...
IF I TELL YOU, YOU NEED TO PROMISE ME YOU CAN HANDLE THE SHEER GIBBITUDE AND KI FLOW OF THE POST

>>83099272 (OP)
Most people will fall into negaholism to the point where their mental anguish will hijack their reward system, being the only source of fuel in the long run.

Its a mixture of both desu

>>83099660
uh, i think i can handle it but if you prefer to make it into a surprise once you're done or something like that i can wait...
>>83099756
haven't heard of that word before but i guess it makes sense. it's really strange just how complicated the brain is and how many things in it can change

>>83099854
NO NO IT'S OKAY I WANNA SHARE MY PLANS I WANNA TELL YOU WHAT I'M THINKING FOR THIS

HOMEPAGE: PRETTY OBVIOUS, AN INTRODUCTION TO THE SANCTUM OF GIBBITUDE, GONNA HAVE SOME COOL STUFF ON THERE BUT MOSTLY AN EXPLANATION OF THE SITE AND SOME EXTRA STUFF

ABOUT: SELF EXPLANATORY AS WELL, BUT IT'S ALSO GONNA BE A WEBMASTER PAGE

THE MANIFESTO: BLOG SECTION WHERE I'M GONNA POST ABOUT WHATEVA SHIT I'M THINKING OF AND SITE UPDATES AND STUFF

LIBRARY: ARCHIVE OF A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF, LINKS TO MY SOULSEEK ARCHIVE AND A BUNCH OF INFO ON HOW TO DOWNLOAD AND ARCHIVE THINGS FOR URSELF

ARMORY: WEAPONS STUFF BECAUSE I'M A 2ND AMENDMENT ABSOLUTIST

THE TEAHOUSE: WORKING ON SETTING UP THE SITE BEFORE THIS BUT IT'S GONNA BE RESOURCES FOR SETTING UP A QUAKE SERVER AS WELL AS A LINK TO MY OWN PERSONAL QUAKE SERVER

THE KILL LIST: GUEST BOOK PROBABLY? IDK I JUST THINK HAVING SOMETHING CALLED "THE KILL LIST" WILL BE COOL

>>83099272 (OP)
I don't think psychopaths are born I think it's always from childhood abuse. So often toxic mothers go unnoticed and are considered "normal". The only thing I've seen that is legitimately from birth is when the mother drinks alcohol or takes medications you end up with retards like my mother. They call it Fetal Alcohol Syndrome but it's not just alcohol I think multiple things can cause it. Supposedly what the father does can affect the sperm too. You can recognize these people by their face and behavior.

>>83100017
sounds pretty badass i must say.
what about the graphics of it? colours borders n stuff. how is it going to be?
also cool that you're dividing it into sections. if you actually manage to make a quake server i might join
i made a website too two years ago, it was pretty
i like the sound of kill list too, put me in there.
>>83100053
surely though there must've been psychopaths that had good mothers and dads too. like some might just be born with genetic defects in the brain

>>83100325
>what about the graphics of it? colours borders n stuff. how is it going to be?
I'M MAKING IT ALL MYSELF RIGHT NOW BUT I WANT KIND OF A GRUNGY FEEL TO IT, BEEN HARD AT WORK MAKING THE GRAPHICS FIRST, MOSTLY, SINCE IT'S HARD TO CODE EVERYTHING IF I DON'T KNOW THE SIZES OF THE ELEMENTS.

ALL THAT BEING SAID, GIVEN I'M COBBLING THIS ALL TOGETHER RIGHT NOW, IT'S STILL IN THE VERY BASIC STAGES. HERE'S WHAT I'VE GOT PUT TOGETHER ON THE SITE, AND I'M CURRENTLY WORKING ON DESIGNING THE BANNER AND CONTAINER FOR THE MAIN PART OF THE PAGE (SPACE ON THE RIGHT)

>>83099272 (OP)
obviously it depends per person but i think the average person can take more than you would expect

>>83100325
OH YEAH AND HERE'S THE CURRENT SKETCH I'VE GOT FOR (MOST OF) THE MAIN LOGO, OBVIOUSLY NOT FINISHED

>>83100589
looks pretty metal, i like it!
doesn't seem like it's an easy thing to do so good work anon. your efforts will pay off once it's finally done. the logo looks nice too. i like writing stuff in that style
... also is that blue thing in the bottom left corner an very swollen sonic?
>>83100639
it's interesting to think what would be enough to break someone

>>83099272 (OP)
Ughhhhhhh I can't believe I even missed a thread because of my sleeping in again... gahh I hate myself so fucking much
I assume you weren't feeling too good either if you made a thread like this? Anything the reason?

>how much mental anguish can one's mind take before it breaks you think?
Hmm well you haven't had a psychotic episode so far, have you? So I would say for better or for worse, it can take a lot more. Humans are pretty resilient in some ways... Some people have gone through horrific suffering and it still didn't break them. Even if it "breaks", I think it's probably often possible to "unbreak" it. The only way to reliably break it fully is to put some buckshot through it.

>are people psychopaths from birth or can someone become one?
I don't know but I would think it's mostly the former. ...Why do you ask, though? Don't tell me you're thinking you're a psychopath, that would be ridiculous.

>>83099272 (OP)
>how much mental anguish can one's mind take before it breaks you think?
is there even a 'break'? I always thought of it as a gradual thing.

another mental episode and i dont know how long i can take it before doing something stupid and funny

>>83101136
fucking same
everyday that passes those trees i see on the road get more and more inviting
>>83100725
you missed one two days ago too i think
and yes, i feel awful. though I didn't feel this bad when i made the thread
>for better or for worse, it can take a lot more
how alluring it is to see how close it can get
>Why do you ask, though
i was just curious and wanted to talk about something I guess
>>83100794
id say theres a point of no return when things get really bad and something in you changes

>>83100639
>but i think the average person can take more than you would expect
lmao normies will resort to drugs or the rope when they havent had sex for 2 weeks

>>83101437
>you missed one two days ago too i think
No way, are you serious??? Fuck me... I was wondering why you didn't make one on Wednesday... Please link it if you still have it in your 4chanX thing when you get home, pleaseee

>and yes, i feel awful.
I'm sorry to hear that Anon... it seems you really can't go more than a few days without feeling awful. Is it related to that thread from this morning where you posted with the red plum blossom? I assume that thread was made by that person... or maybe I'm wrong but IDK who else it would be.

>how alluring it is to see how close it can get
You are not close Anon! You are so functional despite all the suffering you go through. You are way too strong to be broken by this! You just need a good reason to keep fighting and then you'll be invincible! I know it feels very exhausting without that reason though... it is such a slog.

>i was just curious and wanted to talk about something I guess
Ah, thank goodness for that! I'm really glad to know it wasn't because you were thinking bad things about yourself again. Remember Anon, you are not selfish or uncaring or obnoxious or any of those things!! And I don't hate you and never will!

>>83099272 (OP)
Hello mossad what a lovely day for you to be thriving by plotting against me for your own personal gain

>>83101547
>Please link it
Never mind, I found it... Fuck my stupid life and this stupid fucking job

>>83101437
>id say theres a point of no return when things get really bad and something in you changes
No return? How? I assume its almost impossible to tell if you have passed that point yourself due to the nature of it and people from the outside can't tell often because they just don't get it. Maybe im just misunderstanding or overthinking the question. Im just so confused where i stand on this. Its not even a measurable spectrum but a dotted mess. Dunno man. Things get better eventually.

>>83101547
it was nothing important. just another of those worthless vents i do.
>Is it related to that
yes. and other things. i don't want to talk about it. actually i wish i didn't see that thread
>You are so functional
if sitting in my room for 80% of the day is what you call functional I guess i am.
besides i am already broken, it's just a matter of waiting until i fall apart
and i was thinking about that when i made the thread
>>83101671
a point of no return doesn't necessarily mean going completely insane. it means acknowledging that you're irreparably defective in some way, that you will never have a normal life and therefore you've probably given up on doing so. if that is the case then you become more prone on doing reckless stuff or whatever.

>>83101831
>it was nothing important
Well to me even the short little replies you post in other people's threads sometimes are very important, let alone a whole thread by you! I know it's silly but for some reason I want to see every post and I hate missing them. And your vents are important too because I want to know how you're feeling and what you're going through Anon! I can't help much unfortunately but it still feels like something I need to know, I hate not knowing what's going on in your life.
Thanks for telling me about that thread BTW, otherwise I wouldn't have even known.. I'm glad I could at least read it now. Also, "inadequate" is like the one word to capture everything I feel in life, so it was very relatable.

>i don't want to talk about it. actually i wish i didn't see that thread
Huh... well I won't pry then. If you ever do feel like talking about it though, feel free to bring it up again! Or anything else that's bothering you. It's not obnoxious and I want to hear you out Anonny!
At least it's good to know there's a reason for you feeling this way. That's better than just randomly feeling awful! Hopefully it will subside soon and you'll be back to feeling okayish.

>if sitting in my room for 80% of the day is what you call functional
Well I do the same thing and yet I'm already considering quitting this job because it's making me super depressed. I don't think it's a coincidence I spent 12+ hours in bed two days in a row already. You somehow can go to school and still have the energy to get out of bed and play video games, that's already more functional than me at least.

>i am already broken
Maybe a part of you is. But as a whole, you are not broken at all Anon! You are one of the most beautiful people I have met, how can you be broken? You are like an angel with a broken wing. Heh sorry that's so cheesy it hurts... but that's what I imagined just now. You just need to heal the wing Anon, and I still believe that's possible for you.

i like hu tao but furina is so much more sex

>>83101831
Ah now i get it i think. Don't think that understanding that you are unusual in some way makes you more likely to lead you down a dark path however. Plenty of hopeful people that truly believe that they are well adjusted still do that sort of dark stuff. Just look at what happened during the lockdowns. The reckless impulses/thoughts and the 'point of no return' have the same cause but don't cause each other, i think, and if anything understanding that you are sort of different actually kinda helps with coping with the first thing. There is less load on you when you don't care as much about le social contract you keep failing to maintain.

As for the question of "how much mental anguish can one's mind take before it breaks you think?"
There doesn't even have to be anguish for it to happen. Most people get there by being pushed down but there is a non-destructive self discovering aspect to it

hmm maybe take everything i said with a grain of salt as i probably also need a dose of hopium. I at least don't see a lot of wrong with the fact that i won't live a normal life.

>>83102176
*oooh but maybe you are referring to learned helplessness instead of what i think when we hear "acknowledging that you're irreparably defective in some way, that you will never have a normal life and therefore you've probably given up on doing so".

>>83102042
>are very important
mhm well if you say so... it makes me a bit happy to know that. perhaps ill talk about this stuff later if I feel like it. but i hate that the first reaction i have to bad things is to run away and forget about them
>yet I'm already considering quitting this job
please don't! it's fine to feel exhausted because of it it's a very stressful thing you're going through after all. if its making you depressed then you can talk about it with me if it helps. do your best to not let these take over your time completely
>how can you be broken
there's beauty in imperfection. but i guess i cant really see it in myself. and no, i don't have any wings. but, i know ill grow them eventually...
>>83102176
>understanding that you are sort of different actually kinda helps
it should technically yes, it helps to take some of the blame off yourself, but for others, and me, it just makes me feel even worse. i dont think "im broken, so it's okay if i cant do something" i think "im broken, so i can't do anything, and i have to die"
>by being pushed down
what do you mean?
>learned helplessness
yeah, i was referring to something of that extent, mostly what it takes for a mind to completely give up hope, or convince themselves there is nothing to do

>>83102350
>mhm well if you say so...
Thanks for not dismissing it Anon! I get that it's weird from your perspective, I would also have a hard time understanding it if someone said my random posts are important to them...

>i hate that the first reaction i have to bad things is to run away and forget about them
Hmm well that's my first reaction too... I think it's fairly normal, isn't it? Bad things are painful, so why wouldn't you want to run away from them? It's like when you touch a hot stove, your first instinct is to pull your hand away. Sometimes, especially when it comes to social stuff and relationships, it's not very helpful though, so it can be pretty frustrating... Do you think this has something to do with your expectations for yourself? I wonder if maybe you run away because you don't want to be around people when you're feeling bad, as then you are not able to live up to the standards you have for yourself. I think that's at least part of it for me, anyways.

>please don't!
I won't for now at least! But I keep imagining doing this forever and it's very demoralizing... It helps a lot to talk with you about it Anon, it's what kept me going so far! I just don't want all our interactions to turn into that either, I want to talk about fun things too! That helps me feel more energetic too.

>there's beauty in imperfection.
That's true... maybe that's part of your charm. Still, I think you have enough things right with you that you can't be called broken as a whole. Or if you can, that rather means the world is broken for not being suited well for a person like you.

>but, i know ill grow them eventually...
This reminds me of a song... I always thought it was a song about suicide though I think it's actually not. The lyrics go something like this:
>There, where the city is sky high
>There, the wind spread wings 'hind my back
>It called me there, where the light,
>Where the city will give me answers to all questions
>And the wind will say, "Fly, fly after me"

>>83102350
>i dont think "im broken, so it's okay if i cant do something" i think "im broken, so i can't do anything, and i have to die"
Do you feel like the latter is caused this 'no return' mindset or do you think that its something else that makes you depressed that then modifies the "im broken, so it's okay if i cant do something" into the other one? Blaming the wrong thing might make healing a little harder. I won't pretend like im some stoic monk and i do have my fair share depressed alcohol binges with the same exact thought but when i am like that i feel like it helps not to immediately blame yourself as hard as that sounds. Even if help seems an eternity away or not there in the first place think 'doesn't matter, it'll bee better some day' instead of something negative about you and even if not by a lot it does help.
>what do you mean?
Being bullied, stressed, etc. There are people that right now have that 'no return' mindset that wouldn't have it if they were treated better even if they still 'don't fit' and are 'weird'. I see plenty of these fortunate people all the time. They still have their fair share of problems but feel well integrated with the rest.
>yeah, i was referring to something of that extent
its really difficult to differentiate the two. Especially if you don't know what makes you unable to do some things which over time causes you to think you cannot do anything at all.
>mostly what it takes for a mind to completely give up hope, or convince themselves there is nothing to do
Needs to feel like constant unexplainable failure which leads to learned helplessness. Important thing is however that you are not actually helpless. You *will* get better be it on your own or with help from others.
First things first is to stop blaming yourself like that. Your life will get nicer, think about that instead. You are not at fault for being this way so please. Yes you can change this habit, i believe in you.

>>83102125
to hornyjail anon

>>83102626
>its something else that makes you depressed
possibly. there's so many things that can make my brain start to think about awful thoughts. sometimes i get intrusive thoughts even while i am saying positive things in my head. it's like someone chimes in each time and tells me to go kill myself. i really feel like there's another person in me.
>it'll bee better some day
oh but it will be! because i will die eventually.
>Being bullied, stressed, etc
well that just goes with the mental anguish i mentioned. things from outside our control can also very easily break a person.
>Your life will get nicer, think about that instead
anone. you know, i do that often actually. i know i just said really edgy and sad shit but, i do try and be positive. i act all bubbly with other people too, i greet everyone, i brush aside mean answers and i think it's gonna be okay. i think it's going to be okay. but every. single time. there is always. this voice in the back of my head always berating me and telling me im wrong. i think "tomorrow is going to be a good day" then i hear "tomorrow you'll feel like wanting to die just as much as today" i think "its fine, i can try again" i hear "why? you'll just fail again" it's driving me insane. i genuinely argue with myself sometimes. i tell him to shut up out loud. i've reached a point now where any moment when im not distracted, and i find myself thinking about anything involving me or my life, or the things i lack, i just feel like crying. i never actually do, but im on the verge of tears. now aswell. everyone just seems so convinced ill be okay, that i have a future. if only i could express with words just how unrealistic that seems to me. oh but just keep trying. just keep going outside and keep talking with people it'll get better im sure! what else can i do anyway. one more thorn in my body isn't going to matter when i sleep in a bed made of them every night.

Most of our dear and definitely appreciated residents are likely just suffering from shit like borderline personality disorder.
Quite a lot also seem to have a affinity for paranoid schizophrenia.

>>83102588
>if someone said my random posts are important
just me being important to someone is weird enough
>as then you are not able to live up to the standards you have for yourself
yeah, it's mostly because of that, and because i just start to hate basically everyone when im in certain mental states. it's like my brain does it's best to find only the bad about everyone and everything else gets discarded. or it just comes up with bad things that i can't help but believe in
>I want to talk about fun things too!
sadly im pretty bad at doing that i think...
>enough things right
such as? i really don't get what's so good about me. i have no irl friends, no job, no achievements, never had a gf, i own nothing of actual value, i dont have aspirations, i dont even have a fucking dad. there is nothing right about me or my life.
>This reminds me of a song
funny, because i also quoted a song by saying that
>>83103311
not sure what you're talking about but i hope they get better

>>83103334
>funny, because i also quoted a song by saying that
heh, radiohead

>>83103224
NTA but damn Anon, I'm sorry you're feeling so awful right now, and I'm really sorry that it seems like no one has been able to understand just how horrific it is for you. I've been convinced that you'll be okay too, but I haven't lived your life to know... so perhaps I've been too hasty in assuming such things. Maybe I've just been too naive this whole time. I'm sorry if it's felt like everyone's been pushing you to try when you've already been trying more than your best for years and never even getting as much as a break for it. I'm so sorry Anon... I really don't want you to get any more thorns in your body, I know each one is just as painful as the last no matter how many times you get pricked... and eventually you start to feel like you are just made of thorns and nothing else. I don't know what to do about that. Or how to stop the voices in your head. I wish I could just give you a tight hug Anon. That's about the most I can offer... *hug*

>>83103334
>just me being important to someone is weird enough
Yeah, I can relate to that too. It's very discordant with how I feel about myself...

>i just start to hate basically everyone when im in certain mental states.
Uuu.. that sounds horrendous. I know how much you care about people, and how much you care about caring about them! So no wonder you hate yourself when you get these mental states sometimes where you can't feel the caring at all. I get thoughts like that sometimes, where I judge other people or point out their flaws, and I hate them too... but thankfully I'm able to mostly ignore them and move past them quickly. It must be a special kind of torture to be assailed by such thoughts constantly. I don't think this makes you a bad person though, but it is a problem... maybe distancing yourself from people is the best you can do in times like that, as most would probably get hurt if you told them what you were thinking.

Cont.

Cont.

I still believe that it's possible for you to find love even like this though, I'm sure there are some people out there who are able to see you for who you are even when you're going through an episode like that. And I believe it would be very healing for you to find a person like that. You just need someone that can prove to you that they won't get hurt by such things, so that you are able to trust them enough to not have to distance yourself out of fear you'll hurt them. I hope I can be such a person for you too Anon, but I get how I seem pretty unreliable so you'd be afraid of hurting me. Still, I hope next time you're feeling like that you would at least be willing to try not disappearing completely, because I want to accept every part of you Anon! I hope I'm strong enough, but I can't know without trying. I know it's scary, but I can at least promise you that I'll never hate you! Just something to consider Anonny, but fair enough if you'd rather just stick to what's worked for you for now.

>im pretty bad
You're plenty good at it from what I've seen! I've had loads of fun with you already! It can't be like that all the time sadly but that's normal too, and it would be weird if all we had are fun times.

>such as?
How kind and warm and gentle and caring you are (and no I don't believe you if you say you aren't, you wouldn't fight so hard to be caring even when you feel like shit if you didn't actually care deep down), how persistent you are, how you can see when other people are suffering and your outlook on the world and society, how mature you are, how strongly you believe in what's right. There's probably more but you get the point... I don't see how any of the things you listed are relevant at all, who cares about those things? Well a lot of people do but I find it silly to care about them, a person's character is much more important...

>i also quoted a song
Heh that's a funny coincidence indeed. What are you listening to right now?

>>83103224
>there's so many things that can make my brain start to think about awful thoughts
yeah its scary how counterproductive your own head can be. I still remember the times when i cried because i was boiling water and thought of the possibilities... they don't have to permanently in your head but i don't remember what eased them
>if only i could express with words just how unrealistic that seems to me
nobody in your position can. 'everything will be better' is something normies tell you so they feel better about themselves but some actually went or are still going through through the exact same and experienced that with time it gets less miserable. Saying that there is a magic wand that you just have to will into existence that will give you everything good life is just not true but there is a real amount of comfort you can reasonably achieve. Don't listen to the first group that also pushes the touch grass meme and all the other "just do [insert self improvement meme]". Im sorry but i don't know how to write this in some real motivational way.
im so sorry i don't know what needs to happen for it to be easier despite going through the same besides that your head needs some time to calm down. Its so unsatisfying.. I have been in these threads for a bit and please believe me that you are not a lost cause but im sorry i don't know what to say to make you feel better.
If you want to cry and can then there is no reason not to. It calms your mind afterwards. i don't know im sorry.

Classic:
If everyone around you seems to be an asshole.
It's likely you that's the asshole.

>>83103525
10 points to anon
>>83103598
i don't even know myself anymore. in practice things aren't so bad. i dont get why i feel so damn hopeless. i just feel so powerless. i have this certainty that i am just doomed to fail, and if not, to never be able to be happy despite achieving what i wanted. i genuinely feel like the part of me that supposed to "make" happiness is missing.
>I still believe that it's possible
hope stings like a needle. unfulfilled promises sting like a million needles. i am but a doll that sits only to be stung for all its existence.
>I don't see how any of the things you listed are relevant at all
i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myesel i hate myself i hate myself i can't stand myself. im none of the things you described. stop lying to me please.
>What are you listening to right now?
https://youtu.be/c-pO6Na2veg?si=JQ-KaDcfsol6Mkp-
>>83103627
there's no secret sentence or word to motivate anyone. there's no guarantee that you'll succeed just because you never gave up. there's no reason why you should try to help me. it's okay. don't worry anon! i dont expect you to save me. like i don't expect anyone else to. i appreciate your attempts. i appreciate anyone that tries and cheer me up. i wish i could tell them that it actually helped, instead of just answering with "thanks" or lying. i wish anything other than hopelessness would fill my heart. i wish i could see a light at the end of the tunnel, but i'm starting to think my tunnel has collapsed. it's fine though! it's fine. if i can help others before i reach the end of it it's fine. i don't really have any other reason to live.

>>83103968
>i dont get why i feel so damn hopeless. i just feel so powerless.
Well, you've tried a lot of things, and none of them have made you much happier, right? So I think it sort of makes sense to feel powerless. It's like no matter what you do, the outcome is always the same. And not being happy despite achieving what you wanted sounds like the most terrifying outcome of all, so I can see how that could sap your hope too.

>the part of me that supposed to "make" happiness is missing.
Makes sense, that part is probably impaired due to your depression.. No wonder you feel like it's pointless to achieve things...

>hope stings like a needle.
I'm sorry Anon, hope is indeed a cruel thing isn't it... I guess I just struggle to find any other reason to go on. I've always been a hopium addict. Do you think you can keep fighting even without hope? Believing you're doomed, can you still keep going? You did want to go out with a bang, right?

>unfulfilled promises sting
Hm... I will keep this in mind in case I ever ask you to promise anything. Promises are very important to you, yes? I think that's also something admirable about you.

>im none of the things you described
I'm sorry Anon, I wasn't lying, but perhaps it wasn't the right time to list those things. I imagine it feels very discordant trying to think anything positive of yourself right now. Also, my bad for sort of dismissing the things you listed like that... it's just stuff that I don't find very important personally, but I understand how those things can make you feel inadequate. But personally I really don't think less of you at all just because you have few friends or don't have a dad... what the heck Anon? That doesn't make you any lesser of a person than anyone else. You wouldn't think of other people like that as lesser, would you? But it's hard when it comes to yourself, I know... Hmm I wish I could make you not care about these things somehow...

>song
Quite good. I really like the pads.

>>83103968
>there's no reason why you should try to help me
I wish i had something smart to say right now. Abandoning our own is just against my morals. You can't just see somebody in need of help and not at least try to make them feel better. Im not giving up but i really can't stay up all night. I think everybody really needs a comfy bed and sweet dreams right now. Good night anons. Get well soon.

>>83099301
This is the only objectively correct answer. Psychopaths are otherwise born