>spend literal months getting over a really bad bout of hemorrhoids
>finally get a consultation with a surgeon
>according to her i'm already too healed to treat with surgery, just keep doing what i'm doing etc
>prescribes me one more thing; "zinc oxide cream"
>okay, thinks nothing more of that, fills prescription on autopilot
>guy behind the counter at pharmacy, "oh yeah I think that's over the counter"
>walks off to find it, and returns to hand me a box
>diaper rash cream
>of course that's what that is
>dead dove