In my state now I’m not even allowed to use bathrooms. I’m intentionally dehydrating myself, even though I have a history of kidney infection. The thought of someone shooting me for using the bathroom is something I literally have nightmares about. Patients I’ve cared for at work will openly talk about trans issues and I desperately hope they don’t realize what I am. One sweet old lady told me that her daughter quit her teaching job because there were trans kids, and they, “don’t believe in transgender.”

It’s starting to feel like every other person I meet hates me, and there is no place for me. Like maybe there is something wrong with me. I’m posting here and not on lgbt because I don’t want a “safe space” where none exists in real life. You’re a better representation of the people I’m surrounded by, and I think you hate me.

Is there a future for me? Why does it matter that I dress and act feminine, and have sex almost exclusively with men? What can I do to survive this