Anonymous
9/18/2025, 3:55:44 AM
No.33680059
>>33679959
I've been through it. You just get out there with intent. Maybe you do nothing. Maybe you say nothing. Let yourself get a little angry. Let those thoughts pass through your awareness: "I'm going to die alone" "I feel like a failure/idiot/whatever" "I need to fucking go do this AGAIN, I need to feel all this horrible shit AGAIN?" Yeah you do. And then eventually you say "hi" or you suddenly make a goofy riff and maybe it even lands and your immediate reaction is "oh shit oh shit oh shit, what do I do now?" and so you laugh, smile, and excuse yourself. There it was, your first actual open.
Maybe you do that a couple more times and suddenly you realize you need to actually follow it up or else you're going to be doing "hi...bye..." in perpetuity. I mean I could go through the whole process here, but the point is, every step of it is uncomfortable practically by necessity because it's the discomfort that gets you to finally say "hi" and it's the discomfort that gets you to go from saying "hi" to "hey I need your opinion on something, which of these do you think looks better?" to "...oh really, why do you think that?" to riffing and teasing her about her reasoning and so on.
Every step away of the way solo though is eating shit in one form or another, but that's the fuel. The nasty, shit-tasting, psychologically acidic fuel.
I've been through it. You just get out there with intent. Maybe you do nothing. Maybe you say nothing. Let yourself get a little angry. Let those thoughts pass through your awareness: "I'm going to die alone" "I feel like a failure/idiot/whatever" "I need to fucking go do this AGAIN, I need to feel all this horrible shit AGAIN?" Yeah you do. And then eventually you say "hi" or you suddenly make a goofy riff and maybe it even lands and your immediate reaction is "oh shit oh shit oh shit, what do I do now?" and so you laugh, smile, and excuse yourself. There it was, your first actual open.
Maybe you do that a couple more times and suddenly you realize you need to actually follow it up or else you're going to be doing "hi...bye..." in perpetuity. I mean I could go through the whole process here, but the point is, every step of it is uncomfortable practically by necessity because it's the discomfort that gets you to finally say "hi" and it's the discomfort that gets you to go from saying "hi" to "hey I need your opinion on something, which of these do you think looks better?" to "...oh really, why do you think that?" to riffing and teasing her about her reasoning and so on.
Every step away of the way solo though is eating shit in one form or another, but that's the fuel. The nasty, shit-tasting, psychologically acidic fuel.