Literally nothing arrives but doom and apocolypse and at this point I'm starting to lose hope. I don't see light at the end of this tunnel and nothing different, good, or hopeful is certain for me, it just feels like attrophy, literally just atrrophy. All I have is that I won't give up and I'll never renounce God. I experience some amount of existential uncertainty, I try to ignore the stupid thoughts which bring conflict. I don't know the degree to which I effectively manifest my problems. I don't even want to think about it lest I go insane Lindsey Buckingham style. I'm so stirred up. Who is there to help me? I guess I'll read the bible.