I appreciate everyone defending me it’s keeping me grounded a bit, this is a lot for me right now just with everything but I will say I really do feel guilty. I’m really scared and sad he’s reacting this way but I get it. We have such a connection, it truly is magical. I stayed up until the early morning talking to him through tears and shakes because I love him and he saved me, I would’ve ended it that night. That’s a promise. I’ve planned it for a long time and with my ex moving on last week, my only person, as someone with BPD, I really would’ve pulled the trigger my myself. Or last night. Or tonight.
Then, after all of those tears we shared, he comes on, excited to talk to his new lil bro… And sees this. I get it, and I’m sorry. You clearly needed this too and it looks like I just used you selfishly. I can promise I still love you big bro and will beg for forgiveness until I’m blue in the face because I mean it. But if you’re truly done I also don’t want to guilt or annoy you so I get it.
I’m nothing special. You’ll find a version of me in many different twinks, sans the hysteria and unhingedness. I’m sorry I made you feel those things just to destroy it. I know that’s painful.